12 years down the drain..

[UnlawfulBananaPeeler]

Just found out my partner of 12 years has been cheating on me . It’s not the first time but it definitely has to be the last.
No AIBU . Just had to say it to believe it

I told school and they were fine with just letting me collect them at the moment.

Just be aware that if he does turn up to collect them the school can’t prevent him from taking them assuming he has parental rights. It’s a truly shit situation, I hope you’re able to care for yourself in the midst of sorting out the practical bits.

He’s on anti depressants. He does enjoy it , in the past he’s said he likes the attention.
I just don’t understand how he can say he loves me and also do something that clearly destroys me .
I can’t take him back, not this time. Mental health or not. I believe there’s some mental health condition underlying that needs an actual medical professional diagnosis (he’s definitely got narcissistic tendencies, he’s emotionally blackmailed me in the past). I can’t be his toy to pass the time with between cheating .

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds very similar to what I went through with my ex over 12 years ago now. I had forgiven him a few times "for the sake of the kids" but I just couldn't do it any longer. He spent money on the other women then lied to me and about me to them and it was just hell. I was totally broken.

Finding the strength to get rid of him is amazing, keep that strength when you start to waver over anything. Any time I started to think that I had overreacted or it maybe wasn't as bad as I was thinking, I reminded myself of all the things he had done to me and how it made me feel and reminded myself that my feelings were valid and I wasn't a doormat anymore.

I've since met and married an amazing man who constantly puts me first. And he even helps me with the insecurities I still have thanks to my ex. Finally getting rid of the ex is the best thing I've ever done in my life.

As for my ex, the kids are 20 and 16 now. He's slowly moved further and further away, he's been in a few different relationships and this last move was moving in with his newest girlfriend and 1.5 hours from us. He saw the kids only twice last year I think it was, although they do message a bit.

Quite right OP, mental health isn’t an excuse. Well done for kicking him to the curb.

You haven’t wasted 12 years though. You have your lovely DC. The fact that he turned out to be an idiot is really shit, but something good did come out of it all.