DNA

[threecatslivehere]

My d friend has just left my flat very upset and I do not know how to help her. She has done a DNA test and discovered that her DF is not her biological father. She is in her 50's and her DF is in his 80's and very unwell.
How accurate are these tests and how can I help her.

Why did she do the rest on the first place? They are pretty accurate, if it was a paternity test (like 99% kind of accuracy).

What is she hoping to gain from it?

If she has done the test correctly, they are accurate at excluding paternity.

I think all you can do is be a supportive ear if she needs one.

She did it as an elderly aunt was talking about how you never know who your father is. My d friend thought it was being directed at her

That must be such a shock. But sadly I think it's fairly common. I heard around 1/10 of people's dads aren't actually their dads.

They are very reliable.

I would imagine it is accurate, especially considering the remark her Aunt made.
Is her Mum alive, can she ask her?
She could certainly ask her Aunt, who it seems would love to finally be able to speak the truth.
I suppose all you can do is be available for her. it is likely she will be completely overwhelmed and she won't be able to think straight. it will be good to have someone to confide in and possibly help her to not act too quickly with her Dad, and try to establish some facts first.
It is so traumatic to have your identity pulled out from under you like that.

They’re accurate. I assume your friend went through a reliable source, though? Not some fly by night internet gimmick?

Your friends dad is still her dad. Regardless of the circumstances by which he isn’t her biological father - the possibilities for which are many and various - he’s still the same man who raised her and who has loved her, and she him, for the past fifty-something years. That’s important for her to remember.

Is her mum still alive? It sounds as though her aunt has known about the situation for some time or always, and that the pointed remark about never knowing who your father is was intended to instigate your friend wondering. Is she close enough to her aunt to ask her what she knows?

Very accurate and it’s how we found my dad’s father wasn’t who he was supposed to be either.

All you can do is listen to her and help her through this. It must be hard if you are close to your parent. My Dad was thrilled he always knew there was something up with his father (who hated him), but couldn’t figure out what it was.

Why did she think he Aunt’s comment was aimed at her? Has she always suspected something? Maybe she should talk to her Aunt and find out what she knows?

There's a saying in genealogy..DNA doesn't lie even when people do.

It's very likely to be accurate.. If it's on ancestry or similar, can see any maternal relatives that she would expect?

It will be accurate. There are some excellent Facebook support groups for people in your friend’s position. They may be helpful to her.

Sadly her mother passed away many years ago. I have spoken to her this evening and she is going to take a few days to process this. I have told her to pick up the phone if she wants to talk.

If this man has raised her and treated her like a loving father for the last 50+ years, then tell her to throw the DNA test away.

What is the Facebook page called please

So born in late 60s/early 70s?
People think things were more open then...and in some cases they were, but lots of people still very traditional.
There's lots of reasons that could be for this. Some of them better than others.
But ultimately your dad is who raises you, not just the genetic donor.

If it’s a reputable company then it’s almost certainly correct. Is your friend aware that the man she always thought was her father might be completely unaware that he isn’t biologically?

Potential Facebook groups for your friend to look at:-

Dna identity surprise and this npe life

npe only: after the discovery

DNA surprises support group

Her Dad is still her Dad. Just because he isn’t her biological father doesn’t mean he isn’t her Dad. If he has been a caring Dad then encourage her to think that he chose to bring her up and how important that was. Please don’t let her speak to him about it. If he had wanted to tell her he would or maybe he doesn’t know himself. Encourage her to make the most of her Dad and spend time with him. DNA is accurate and it is proof but it doesn’t need to prove anything she already knows who her Dad is

Thank you everyone I will pass the information on