To ask not to come to whole wedding?

[Weddingyesorno]

Looking for opinions on whether I would be rude to do this…..invited to a full day wedding, two hours away. Invite is from someone who I am close to but DH has only met once. Very few other people I know going, or I would just go alone!

However it clashes with our DC’s activity showcase that weekend. There will be three showcases, means we can only go to one to watch them. Family can help/watch for other times so that’s not an issue.

DH thinks we should ask if we can just attend the evening reception, to allow us to see a second of DC’s showcases rather than miss more of them. I was first advised of the potential to be invited to this wedding last year and said would absolutely attend and booked accommodation then. Official invite only received last week. Would it be rude now to ask just to go to reception, not full day?

YABU - this would be an unreasonable request to the couple
YANBU - not unreasonable to ask

YANBU. I'd explain and say you're happy to attend all day but due to X you'd also like to decline all day which might enable them to offer the invite to others.

I think if it's someone you're close to, they told you the date last year and you said yes and booked accommodation, you've as good as RSVPed. Tbf it won't cost them any money if you ask now not to attend the full day so it's okay to do it, but I'd expect the bride to be a bit hurt, so it depends on your priorities and loyalty. I don't know what an activity showcase is. Could DH go to the activity showcase all day and you attend the full day wedding on your own? I doubt the bride would mind if your husband comes or not.

Very few other people I know going, or I would just go alone!
Just go alone. You can talk to other people.

Is the activity showcase a repeated thing... so like a dancing show, 3 performances each the same show? Or a different thing each time? If its the same thing and others can get the child there then I would go to the wedding.

Alternatively I would probably switch what you ate asking and go to the 'main event' but drop out of the evening to attend the final showcase. I'm guessing your husband doesn't want to go to the wedding anyway?

So you would miss the wedding it's self and just go to the evening do?

You wouldd be basically saying your child's event is more important than watching your friend get married. Is it?

How good a friend is this? Because you are obviously important to them. I'd bear in mind your husband isn't bothered about this wedding and it won't impact on him if it affects your friendship with this woman.

I think it's fine to not go if you're not that bothered about the friend and her wedding but if you are he should support you.

Why not ask, they might be OK and can invite someone else / they won't have to pay for you. But I'd be a bit offended if someone already said they'd come. But classic MN, nothing ever comes higher priority than children.

It would be a bit rude considering you have already accepted. As there are three activity showcases, the one I would skip would be the that clashed with the wedding.

Go alone to the wedding and ask if DH can just attend reception? Your friend shouldn’t be offended, your DC has someone there all day and you have someone to chat/dance with once the main meal is over?

Thanks for the opinions - yes, I think as I very excitedly said yes already, I should honour this. I’m very honoured to have been invited (not by a bride, for those who assumed this!)
DC’s activity isn’t dancing, but all three showcases will be much the same.
And I would get really anxious at attending alone - which the inviter totally gets and that’s why everyone has a +1.

I think it would be cheeky to ask this because the evening do is typically considered the fun part of the day, and the more expensive part for the bride and groom to host, so you're essentially saying to your friemd youre not prepared to sit through the boring parts of life (even though for a wedding the boring part is the REAL main event) and just go to the fun part where ypu get free food and drinks. i think this more so because youve explained the activity showcase is seeing the same thing three times. so youre by not going to the other two shows youre not missing your DC "main event"