To just say sod it and have both children in the same setting!

[Bounceupbaby]

My DS attend(ed) a private day nursery for three days a week from being 10 months to when his baby sister was born, when he was two and a half. Initially, he continued attending for three days a week but I had some concerns about him - he seemed to be unhappy - so I reduced this to two days and enrolled him in a local preschool for two mornings a week. He does enjoy the preschool and the staff are lovely but it isn’t practical for work: it is 9-3.

I had asked to return to work for two days but for all sorts of reasons that now won’t be happening.

I am worried about unsettling DS by taking him out of a setting he’s happy at but equally it’s going to be a pain having DS at preschool and his sister at nursery for one day, and I’m not sure how to make the logistics work. It’s doable but a complete pain to be honest.

So - AIBU to just have both DS and DD at the private day nursery for three days a week, or should I keep two days at the nursery for DS and have him do a day at the preschool when I go back to work?

My thoughts on this would be governed by what I thought was best for DS tbh. If he's happier at preschool I'd be inclined to keep him there.

That’s what I’m trying to balance.

Advantages to the preschool are

he’s there and settled
he will be with children he’ll go to school with
it is cheaper (that’s for me!)
it’s not such a long day

Disadvantages are

I am relying on his dad to pick up and drop off and he isn’t always great at that
he is wfh so DS will probably just be watching TV before and after preschool, not the end of the world but not ideal
I have to sort his breakfast, make a packed lunch and then dinner at home

It is hard to know.

Is there an option to look for a place that he's happy, that doesn't have the disadvantages of the preschool?

Could his Dad adjust his hours/set up play things ahead of time, so it's not always TV time? Surely he can take care of dinner at least, if not some of the packed lunches?

I don't think I'd send him somewhere he's unhappy.

I think he is happy at nursery. At the time I was getting a lot of reports about behaviour that wasn’t great but it transpired he was struggling with his ears which explained it. I’d never keep him anywhere he was unhappy.

*I have to sort his breakfast, make a packed lunch and then dinner at home

It is hard to know.*

Is there a reason his dad cannot pack his lunch or make his dinner?

Bear in mind that once he’s at school it’s 9-3 and availability of after school clubs is not a given

When will he start school? If its those year, I'd just suck up the inconvenience.

I know but neither nursery and preschool won’t be suitable for after school care. That’s a whole other headache!

He starts school September 25.

We have our kids in different nurseries. In our case we moved house, got pregnant in quick sucession we decided it was too many changes for his so left him in his old nursery ( which is out of the way for work) but he is so happy there. We then put the baby in a nursery near my work. In our case my older DS was 3 approaching 4 and we only did the different nurseries for 10 months then he will start school which is on the way to the babies nursery. This is what worked best for our family.

Thanks. Part of me is reluctant to change things again but then I’ll have to change things anyway … he is currently doing two mornings and I’ll have to change that to one full day. It’s hard!

Just using my own hindsight experiences to look ahead.

No no criticism … just that the nursery doesn’t do after school care and the preschool finishes at 3 anyway. So I will have to organise something (most likely after school club) but it isn’t a consideration for this particular dilemma.

Does the pre-school feed into the school he is likely to be going to?

It does but not exclusively: it’s a very rural setting and the preschool is a feeder for about three different primaries.

So just to clarify, Ds is still (and has been) attending day nursery for 2 days a week, and preschool for an additional 2 mornings? If so I would send him back to nursery for the 3 full days on the basis that if it is good enough for 2 days, then it’s fine for 3. If he is unhappy there then you will have to find an alternative setting for him imo. As he’s 3, if you can afford it you can still send him to the preschool for 2 mornings if he is happy there.

Seems I have different views to most but I'd send them to the same setting. If it was terrible it would be different, but if it was terrible you obviously wouldn't be sending dd there so that doesn't apply.

I have two children close in age and them going to the same place is one of the most important factors in choosing their sports and activities even. I wouldn't consider sending them to different day cares if it could be in any way avoided.

I'd send them to the same setting.

I did add some time at the local preschool for mine in the year prior to school so that they started reception knowing other children already but you can do this later or on non working days

Thanks. I can definitely keep two mornings a week which is also nice as it means I can do more baby/ toddler things with DD at that time. I just feel a bit guilty as it means he isn’t having a full day with me!

Is there a childminder who can do wrap around for the pre school?

I wouldn’t have thought so, as it is quite rural. And I’d be reluctant to add a third form of childcare to be honest.

His dad sounds pretty feckless, he can't be relied on to remember to pick his own son up? If you think he's happier at preschool then I'd leave him there and phone dad to remind him to pick up.

He won’t answer if he’s in a meeting and I can’t just stop what I’m doing either. So it is a worry. I don’t think he’s purposefully feckless but I am being realistic here: he isn’t always the best at remembering.

Yes, put them in the same setting and make life easy for yourself. You obviously don't have any serious concerns about the nursery, if you are using it for your youngest. I would have imagined that the previous upset was more to do with having a new sibling and not staying at home than the setting itself.

You will have a period of time when you have one in nursery/preschool and one in school, which will be challenging enough to juggle with work, never mind years ahead of 3pm finishes - we're rural too and there are no after school club options here. Make life as simple as you can for now.