Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can someone have traits but not be a narcissist?

1 reply

userfornow · 13/03/2024 09:58

Have been doing some thinking recently about my parents who I am LC with.
I used to think they were narcissists however I have recently been reading and watching videos about the behavior and a lot of it seems to say that a narcissist does not care about anyone but themselves which I do not resonate with.

My parents have done some really questionable things, which has resulted in my DB going NC and me LC. However I would never have said they do not care about me, I have seen my mum genuinely upset for me, I know my dad would throw himself into oncoming traffic to push me out of the way. They are very quick to arms to defend us.
Their main thing is that they are a mess themselves, there are alcohol issues in the household, my father is what you would call a cowboy tradesman, they are now both self employed as they have always struggled to keep a job. Excuses for leaving jobs could be something as odd as 'xyz was threatened by me because they saw I had the potential to be better than them and tried to force me out.'
IMO they prefer to be self employed as that way they do not have to answer to someone above them AKA be held accountable. They would hate for a lot of this to come to light. When I have helped him with a technical issue I have seen messages on my fathers phone of him lying to customers and from angry and let down clients who have been left with unfinished or incorrectly done jobs.
But he will tell me and most people who'll listen about how he does 'insert job here' and is so good at 'whatever he is talking about'.

I am mildly autistic so just trying to put a bit of a label on it as it helps me with processing things. I am a bit thrown that apparently a narcissist does not care about their family when I thought I knew which box I had them in if that makes any sense?
So my question is can someone be a narcissist and care about others? Does anyone have a similar experience so I don't feel so alone?

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 13/03/2024 10:11

Can you describe a situation where you mum was genuinely upset for you?
IME narcissists make other people’s bad experiences about themselves. So say you had a miscarriage. A narcissist would be upset about the death of their grandchild or having a weepy daughter to look after, not upset that their daughter had an awful thing happen to her. Pushing someone out of an oncoming lorry attracts comments about bravery - are you sure that your father wouldn’t be after praise for being a great father ? Ime narcissts believe that kids are an extension of them so use their kids as tools to make themselves look better. So your successes are twisted into their parenting creating that success.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page