Bridesmaid dress drama

[hollym512]

I don't want to wear the bridesmaid dress my sister (bride) has chosen for me because it will be 4 sizes too big.

For context, I have just had my first baby and am exclusively breastfeeding. My sister's wedding is in June and I am one of her four bridesmaids. The dress she has chosen is from a US based company and costs $70 to ship to the UK. Annoyingly she asked me to order it when I was still pregnant so I had to do my best guess when I was ordering in terms of sizing. I ordered the equivalent of a UK 16 thinking it would be roomy, because I usually wear a size 12/14 UK.

However, since giving birth my breasts are much much larger and when the dress arrived it was way too small around the bust area, despite fitting nicely on the rest of my body. It's so small around the bust that I can't do it up at the back by several inches so tailoring it seems highly unlikely.

The issue is my sister now wants me to order the same dress but in the size that will fit best around my boobs, which is a UK 22. I feel very strongly that this will be enormous on the rest of me, but she is convinced that I can get it tailored to fit.

I have found an almost identical dress from a UK website that offers custom tailoring so I can order with my exact measurements, however my sister has said no because she wants all the bridesmaids in the same dress from the same company.

My mum is saying she will pay for the dress my sister wants to avoid the drama, but I feel like just ordering the UK dress myself anyway because I know it will fit.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to go to my sister's wedding in a dress that actually fits? At this point I feel like I would almost rather just not be a bridesmaid so I can feel comfortable in my postpartum body and not feel like I look ridiculous in a dress that is several sizes too big. What should I do in this situation?

You can’t just order a similar dress that’s unreasonable.

get the one your sister wants and have it take in around the hips and waist, that’s pretty much the same as ordering one to your custom measurements anyway. I don’t understand the problem.

I would see if the first dress could be tailored first though, it’s amazing what a good seamstress can do.

I think the bride is right. Dresses can be tailored to fit from too big easily if the dress isn’t beaded. Just do what the bride wants.

If you don't want to agree to the dress requirement, stand down as a bridesmaid. Don't order the dress the bride has said she doesn't want.

can a corset back be added to the dress you have?

Don't order the UK dress in a different fabric!!!

Either step down or get the larger dress altered as the bride wants.

If your sister is paying for the dress then get the American one and try to get it altered, if you have to buy the dress with your own money wear what you want . Those are the rules I didn’t make them up

The thing is, the bigger dress will definitely be able to be altered to “fit perfectly” as it will have sufficient fabric for bust and rest can be re-shaped. The UK dress is not the same as the others, and no guarantee it will fit uf on-line purchase. Could you be getting hung up on the size 22 label?

You've got the early breastfeeding boobs, they may well be smaller by June. Going up to a 22 sounds risky.

Are you against the dress your sister wants, or the size on the label?

Don’t stress about the label size, formal dresses are very much cut to old school patterns so it’s not a ‘reflection’ of you that the label has a higher number than you’re used to. Your mum wants to buy your bridesmaid dress, I’d go with that and prioritise finding a good seamstress to get it tailored.

When the larger size dress is tailored to fit you, it won't be enormous on you. I don't understand what your problem is.

gently...
just wear the dress she wants in 22 tailored down on lower half or step down and be a regular guest.

I REALLY understand that you want to feel comfortable and look/feel good at the wedding. It’s awful going to events feeling like you look like 💩 BUT this is about her.

I also don't understand your issue.

• let her order the dress, get it tailored for you. That way she can be confident the fabric will match. Otherwise it could be slightly off. Better to get it altered here. And presumably they will do a last-minute fit check and can adjust if your boobs have gone back down again.

(Also US SIZE 22 is UK size 18, if that's what you're hung up on).

There is a solution. Get the dress she wants and get it altered.

No idea why you want an alternative solution.

Agreed.

The wedding is in a few months, you've got ample time to get the bigger dress ordered and altered.

I appreciate you've just had a baby but it sounds like you're just looking for problems and arguments where there aren't any.

It’s the other way round, a US size 22 is a UK size 26, although bridal sizes are basically made up anyway and always run small. The number is nothing to worry about as nobody will know or care.

A tailor might be able to put a panel in the back of the current dress to make it fit, or as others have said a size 22 will definitely be able to be tailored to fit.

You would be extremely unreasonable to insist on a different dress, even if it is similar.

Your sister has offered to have the dress tailored to fit you. You’re wearing it for one day. YABU, give her a chance to sort it.

@YaWeeFurryBastard you're quite right! I plead sleep Deprivation

@hollym512 have you considered how you will handle the day with respect to BF? Will you BF every so often? The possibility of leakage needs to be considered planned for, especially on a tight dress (as I assume this will be). You might wish to have something on standby to change into.

But to answer your question - I would be going with getting your sister's dress tailored. It's her wedding.

I'd take the current dress to a tailor and see what they say - it's worth a go and could solve all the issues.

The obvious solution is to get the larger dress altered .it is your sister's day and she has made her choice.I don't think it is at all fair on her to start fussing about the dress.

Why are you making this difficult? Get the dress she has picked out and a good tailor will alter it to fit perfectly. You’re the problem here, not your sister. Stop being difficult.

It won't be four sizes too big, you'll have it tailored so it fits you perfectly. YABU.

Hiya, I used to work in a bridesmaid and wedding dress shop and this is how we would do it. We would take waist bust and hip measurements, match each of those measurements to a dress size (so you might be an 8 waist, 16 bust and 14 hip) and order the largest size. Then you would have a dress fitting with a tailor to have it altered to fit perfectly. Sometimes people might be a 18 bust but 10 waist but they would still look perfect and fit well once altered. Hope that reassures you, a lot of people would have the same doubts but this is how it is done with wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses.

Thanks everyone for your responses, especially those being kind and helpful.

I guess I'll go with the bigger size from the US, my concern wasn't so much with the size on the label as to how it would fit (I'm only 5ft1 so anxious that anything too big would completely swamp me, especially as the other bridesmaids are all tall and thin!)

I think postnatal hormones are also making me feel shittier about this than they should. Also coming to terms with the fact that my body doesn't look the same anymore.

To those who replied I'm being difficult or looking for an argument, please know that I'm not, I was genuinely looking for advice. Please think twice before replying something that could come across as accusing and unkind, especially to a new mum who could be struggling.

Turning off replies now, thanks all

Sorry but Yabu. Your sisters being pretty laid back getting in all these dresses and getting them tailored for you. I know it’s the bride’s responsibility anyway, but it’s clearly important to her and it’s her putting the effort and expense in. I don’t get what your problem is. At most she’s being a bit silly jumping the gun when you’re in the process of changing sizes, but she’s clearly happy to swallow the cost so you can have matching dresses

This…

Yabu you can’t just choose a similar dress.