Who pays?

[hippityhoppityhelp]

Please help. My job has changed and now I have to work 5 days a week, longer hours for the same pay or lose my job due to a drop in price of something my job centres around. I am going through a divorce. My ex works 2 days one week and 3 the next. So it is fair, I am proposing that out of the 10 school pick up/drop offs that we do 5 each. However I work away from home 2 nights a week/3 days so I can’t do the school pick ups on Monday mornings (I have to leave for work at 6 am), Monday evenings, Tuesday mornings, Tues evenings and Wednesday mornings as I work. I pay for my children to go to before/after school club Wednesday evenings, Thursdays and Fridays before and after school. My ex won’t split the costs of the childcare. He says I should pay more as I work more days. We both earn the same amount of money. Who is right?

YABU he shouldn’t pay half
YANBU he should pay half

Well, as my mum always said, "I want doesn't get".

Well it was hard to understand cos you weren’t clear. You asked JUST about paying on your days, so ppl think you should pay for your days. You didn’t say anything about wanting to pay 50% or that you currently pay for his days. Stop paying for his days. If he wants it, he can pay for it. Then you pay for your days only.

Nights-
Monday- Him
Tuesday- Him
Wednesday- Me
Thursday- Me
Friday-Sunday nights- Alternate weekends

By my reckoning based on your contact times, you should pay Weds PM, Thurs AM & PM and Friday AM. He pays Monday PM, Tuesday AM & PM, Wednesday AM. Friday PM and Monday AM should be split 50/50 as the contact time alters.

So it works out at 50/50 as things stand. However, it's not about sharing the whole cost equally, it's about each of you paying for the care needed on your own time. So if, for example, he swapped days at work and no longer needed childcare on Tuesdays and Wednesdays for example, his childcare costs would reduce, but yours wouldn't.

surely the days he has them (Monday Tuesday and alternate Fridays) he books / pays for the before or after school clubs!

And then you just sort Wednesday, Thursday & Alternate Fridays)

Then its pretty fair?

But honestly is there no other jobs? the pay cut alone would make me start looking for something else immediately!

Monday mornings are "his" from what you've said so up to him if he uses childcare or not. He can't make you pay for it but then he's the one they'll turn away when he turns up on Mondays?

They alternate Sunday nights, so presumably Monday mornings are both of theirs? So they should pay 50/50 or each pay for their own weeks (which would work out the same).

Ah yes missed that sorry.

Just speak to the provider and get them to bill you for what you use, give them his details so they bill him for what he uses. Stop the admin. The childcare on his watch is his job

God it sounds so complex OP. What will you both do in school holidays?

Because you’ve made it about as clear as a muddy puddle.

Tell your ex you will pay for the days you need. Anything extra is on him.

Whoever drops the child off at breakfast club, or collects them from after school club, should book and pay for that session, because they are the one that needs the childcare. It's nothing to do with the other parent.

Yes ask them to do this. They might not as they might say look one child you should be able to sort this out yourself. You'll also loose any discount they give on bulk booking

Do you not qualify for some universal credit on that salary? You should do if a single working parent. You can claim a percentage to childcare I believe

If he only works two days one week and three the next would it not make more sense for him to have the children on his days off ? Before/ after school clubs wouldn’t then be needed for those days. You could pay half each but would both still save money.

He may want you to but the answer is no, you pay for the childcare you need which is 50% of what is used.

@hippityhoppityhelp I don't think I'm the only one who find your posts unclear, hence the mixed responses you are getting. It doesn't really matter when you work or your ex Wednesday meeting... what matters is when are your contact days and which days you pay for the clubs.

Piecing information together from your posts, you are paying for the school clubs on his contact days (mon-tue-wed am) as well as yours (wed pm-thu-fri am).
You shouldn't be the one paying on his days, so just tell him that you will inform the school and only pay the bill for your days. You don't need his permission, he can arrange his own childcare.

Of course you’re being fair. Let your childcare provider know you’ll now only be paying for your days and it is his responsibility to arrange with them any care he needs for his days. Tell him that you have let them know he’ll be in contact and if he doesn’t, he’ll have to make alternative childcare arrangements.

Your OP was unclear but you should pay for your days and he should pay for his. If mornings and evenings cost the same then it sounds like you both should pay 50%

What happens in school holidays?

Just refuse to and only pay for the days you use and instruct that to the school too so they know to only bill you for your days booked.

TBH I wouldn’t even discuss it. It’s just a simple, you sort out childcare on your days and I’ll do mine. End of.

His days in work can’t be changed.

But you can change the days he has the children.

So their dad has them Monday and Tuesday and drops them off at school wed morning whilst you work away then you pick them up wed pm, have them thursday and friday and it’s alternate weekends. Hope I’ve got that right. I guess I’m still unsure why before/ afterschool clubs are needed all week if their dad is only working two- three days a week. Couldn’t he drop them at school and pick them up at the normal times, on the days he isn’t working? I think there is money to be saved somewhere with the clubs. And yes, the costs should be split.

You should both be paying for the childcare used on your "assigned" pickup/drop off. Simples.

You shouldn’t pay all but if you have the children 50/50 then you pay for one entire week and he pays for the next. Otherwise he pays for the mornings or afternoons that are his days to have the children (and if he is home so able to provide the care himself, he obviously doesn’t need to pay) and you pay for your days.