For not wanting to pay my therapist when I was sick!!

[Anonymous2566]

So, I’ve been seeing my therapist for about a year and things are going well. I’ve been very dedicated and always attend my sessions and pay upfront. My issue is, the cancellation policy. The agreement stipulates that I must give 72 hours notice for cancellation, otherwise the full payment is due. I was sick a few weeks back and let my therapist know on the day, she wished me better, advised me to relax and then put something about the cancellation policy, but that she didn’t wish to charge me on this occasion. Again, I have been sick and had to cancel my session on the day. She sent a similar message, wishing me better etc, but this time included something like “I’m afraid this is very short notice to cancel
without charge” and then offered a reschedule, which was online and didn’t suit as I was still feeling poorly.

AIBU to not want to pay this? How could I possibly give 72 hours notice when I woke up sick?!! It’s seem a little inflexible.

I get the posts about it impacting income and yes I did ‘agree’ to those t&cs but I seemed to think that 72hrs was for things like planned holiday etc which is easy to give plenty of notice for. I am surprised it’s for illness and as others have pointed out, 72 hours is U.

I agree with a post upthread that therapy is different to other industries and that has made my reaction to this complicated. Btw, I never said “I’m not paying her”, I said I don’t want to - which many have expressed they wouldn’t want to either, even if they eventually do.

And to a previous poster, no I’m not going to use this as evidence against my therapist. I just wanted to know if this was common practice and what others experiences are with their therapist and cancellation.

Your position is frankly unworkable.

You are buying their service. Why would they pay you if they cancel? They are not buying your service. What costs you incur are your issue.

If there were not strict cancellation policies people would cancel last minute willy nilly. Totally unworkable. They aren't a charity. YABVU

If you book a hotel and then cancel with24 hour notice you usually have to pay the full price of your stay (because they can't easily fill the room at short notice).
If you cancel your dentist appointment last minute they will often charge you a fee.
My hairdresser charges for last minute cancellations.
If you book a holiday and then can't go because you're sick, the holiday company won't reimburse you or let you off paying (your travel insurance might).
If I cancel my personal trainer at the last minute, I still pay.

It really is standard in all industries. You have booked their time, meaning they are not available for anyone else and so you should be paying for it regardless of whether you are able to make use of it.

I think she was very, very kind not to charge you the first time, but you can't take the piss. She has bills to pay just like everyone else. You have a slot booked, it's not her fault you didn't make the slot.

If they had been willing to accept the risk of a last-minute cancellation due to sickness or other unforeseen circumstance they would have carved this out in the Ts and Cs. But you can see why they don’t, people would just lie and it would be a pain trying to get evidence. As you know from the previous time, they always have the discretion to waive the charge.

You saw the 72 hours as being somehow related to your ability to plan in advance. What you did not appreciate was that they chose 72 hours because that is the minimum time they need to fill the slot and not lose money. It was for their benefit, not yours.

Why didn't you get paid for a DNA?

Yabvu. She gave you one goodwill free pass when you cancelled with almost no notice once before; so you expect her to keep doing it? I can’t work out if you are being deliberately stupid or obtuse but of course Yabu.

She is a small business, and she isn’t going to be able to replace your session at zero notice - she obviously needs the 72 hours to try and shuffle in a replacement appointment. She clearly set out Ts and Cs which you agreed to. You have no right to feel aggrieved or in anyway diddled. Maybe you can address your reaction in a future therapy session…

She is running a business .She can't just not charge people if they don't show up! Once is one thing ,but any more and she will be out of pocket.

I’d also imagine that she thinks that because she has given you a free pass once, you then had a bit less respect for he time so the next time you haven’t fancied it so thought that you may as well cancel because there is no penalty. To have no cancellations and then 2 in quick succession is a bit suspicious

YABU, and she's been generous this first time. What if every client did this?

Of course you have to pay. It's a scheduled private appointment. You not turning up (for whatever reason) doesn't negate the overheads or the fact that she can't just slot someone else or some other work into that appointment slot at such short notice. If she didn't charge, she'd be out of pocket herself.

Cancellation is cancellation. It doesn't matter the reason. Can she say to the bank that she can't pay the mortgage because she had team clients cancel but they were sick so that's OK? You say you get it but you clearly don't get it at all.

I had a gesture of goodwill on my first session but I’ve missed another since then due to illness and paid.

Some people lie about being ill when too tired or other plans come up. Charging is to deter that and because she is unlikely to fill the space at short notice.

She was kind enough not to charge the first time, yes it is unlucky to be ill again but not likely to happen again for a while just one of those things.

Most depth (ie psychodynamic) therapists don't allow any cancellation for any reason. The weekly slot is allotted to you, and that security is critically important to the process.

She can't take it away from you, and you commit to paying to keep it accessible to you on an ongoing basis.

Is her time valuable to you? That's an important question in your relationship. Since that relationship is at the heart of the process of therapy, this is something you should definitely discuss in your next session.

It's not like she's a hairdresser who could cover the gap with a wait list or a walk in.

@WinterDeWinter absolutely agree. The relationship is valuable and OP if you don’t have that relationship then deffo talk to your therapist, I would not even consider not paying my therapist if I couldn’t make it, I actually re-call making the payment then emailing her to tell her I couldn’t make it as I didn’t want her to think she would have to chase me for payment.

I am a therapist and I have a 48 hours cancellation policy. Mainly because I have to pay room hire if I cancel that in less than 24 hours, so would be out of pocket as well as losing the fee earned from the session.

It was good to see that a lot of people on here think it is reasonable. Its my main income, I can rarely fill that time with another client and I do waive the fee for the first time too.

I think sometimes people forget its a job (the whole profession is set up a bit like that with an emphasis on volunteering etc in a way that doctors or nurses would not be expected to, but I will get off my soap box about that).

In my experience and in experience of anyone I know we dont have a weekly slot, we just book sessions that are available at the time of the booking.

Why are you putting 'agree' in quote marks? You did agree to the TsCs.

And gathering 'evidence' against her?

I'd put money on you not paying her despite you saying you will.

Quite.

“Btw, I never said “I’m not paying her”, I said I don’t want to - which many have expressed they wouldn’t want to either, even if they eventually do”

No-one wants to pay for a service that they are unable to use due to illness. You are no different to anyone else on that, it’s not unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed about that. But you should be annoyed that you got ill, not at the person providing the service you were unable to use.

Its happened to me loads of times - my kids couldn’t go to nursery because they were ill, I had to cancel my PT or beauty appointments because my kids or I were ill, we couldn’t go on a weekend away because one of the kids had chickenpox, I couldn’t go to work because my child was ill (and I don’t get paid as a consequence). Yes it sucks and I was disappointed, but I understood they were all to be paid. It’s my misfortune that my kids or I are sick and so the consequence is mine, not someone else’s.

In my experience this is a sign that the type of therapy offered is not a 'depth' one, so less able to offer lasting change at a systemic level. It will address the symptoms but not the cause, and is best thought of as emotional coaching or mentoring. It can be helpful, but the fundamental issues remain unexplored.

YABU- very very U- not only can she not fill that time at less than 72h notice but she also rents the room for an hour too so she’s losing her own money for something that is not her fault.

Seems reasaonable to me. My therapist hires a room in a centre - they can't fill that at very short notice. He still has to pay, I expect. Plus he loses payment for his time unless he can fill it at short notice.
Having said that, I needed an appointment recently (I have therapy as and when I need it) and was waiting to hear back. First thing in the morning I had an email to say he'd had a cancellation that morning if I could make it. I could. So he didn't actually lose any business, just with a different client.