For not wanting to pay my therapist when I was sick!!

[Anonymous2566]

So, I’ve been seeing my therapist for about a year and things are going well. I’ve been very dedicated and always attend my sessions and pay upfront. My issue is, the cancellation policy. The agreement stipulates that I must give 72 hours notice for cancellation, otherwise the full payment is due. I was sick a few weeks back and let my therapist know on the day, she wished me better, advised me to relax and then put something about the cancellation policy, but that she didn’t wish to charge me on this occasion. Again, I have been sick and had to cancel my session on the day. She sent a similar message, wishing me better etc, but this time included something like “I’m afraid this is very short notice to cancel
without charge” and then offered a reschedule, which was online and didn’t suit as I was still feeling poorly.

AIBU to not want to pay this? How could I possibly give 72 hours notice when I woke up sick?!! It’s seem a little inflexible.

You can't say I get that she has bills to pay then in the same breath say you don't think you should pay. What does she pay those bills with?
I'm a tutor. I've had 4 cancellations in the last week. 1 was rearranged online as parent had no car. 1 i waived the cancellation fee as it was the first time they had ever canceled . 1 I also waived the cancellation fee as it was unavoidable and this teenager usually comes all through the holidays instead of taking them off. But i made it clear to both it was a goodwill gesture.The last one I declined to continue working with them as they caused me so much hassle.
You are just one client. You won't be the only cancellation. Cancellations this week cost me over £100

While I commend your approach as kind I don't agree it's necessarily fair.
The therapist will lose money if a client cancels short notice, but the client won't lose anything if therapist cancels that morning (provided they don't charge for them cancelling). I can see offering a free session is a good will gesture, but not charging for the cancelled session is OK - unless of course you've charged for the cancelled one?

It does not matter one jot that you have never cancelled before these two sudden bouts of illness.

Your therapist has a very clear cancellation policy which she waived the first time you were unwell and had to cancel at short notice. That was goodwill on her part and something she did not have to do given her clear cancellation policy.

To use a much loved phrase on here, you're a cheeky fucker to expect her to waive the cancellation fee a second time.

I’m a psychotherapist in training and in my opinion this is a very lenient policy. Aside from the financial implications for the therapist, which are important. Being able to cancel short notice communicates that the session is unimportant or the work is avoidable. In my experience with therapy when we hit on difficult moments I begin to come up with a million reasons why I don’t need to attend. Some of them I consciously know I am avoiding the work, some of them manifest in very unconscious ways such as fatigue. Perhaps worth bringing this to your therapist so you can explore it together.

Yes, I've already charged for the cancelled one.

Ah thanks, that makes more sense.

So, consider this: there's a nasty virus going round, and six of her clients are ill. If she was to do it your way, that's 20% of her income gone for the week.

She has the cancellation policy in place for a reason. You should pay her.

YABVU. As others have mentioned it's like you're paying for a ticket for a show. A shame you can't make it but you can't expect to not pay.

I actually think it's nice that most therapists let you cancel with any amount of notice without paying. Surely you're really paying for a weekly slot?

If they have a full caseload and you cancel your next Tuesdays session then what can they actually use it for? I know they could use it as an introductory session with a new client but if they don't have capacity for anyone new then they can't really. And if they did have capacity, there were other slots free they could have used so they're still not gaining anything.

OP, please answer the question about if you'd be ok if your work told you that morning not to come in and they wouldn't pay you.

Sorry @ilovesooty so is the free session when you are sick totally free? Or is it because they already paid so in effect you are rescheduling?

I am interested because my sister is also a private tutor and we are always discussing missed appointments. I have never heard of a totally 100% free lesson/session due to the tutor being sick on the previous session. If her pupil pays upfront she just rolls over the session to next time. She implements a 24 hour policy now but is looking to increase to 48 or 72.

I think she should do 72 hours. If I turned up to work today and my boss said sorry you can’t work because the electric is off I would expect to be paid still. As I had allocated my 8 hours to work - it’s not my fault I couldn’t work. I see it as reserving a space rather than receiving the service.

I also think it is so important in therapy that the counsellor has firm boundaries. I know a counsellor with terrible boundaries who over runs by an hour or more. I would never use him. It’s such poor practice especially when your client may have people pleasing or boundary issues.

I don't get how this is the same. As long as you don't charge for the session you cancelled and offer an alternative session, she's not out of pocket. I don't understand why your contract gives her a bonus free session if you're ill?

My therapist has the same policy. I cancelled 3 days before when I had Covid and didn’t get charged, although she did say I could attend if I had a negative test the day before.

I then had to cancel on an hours notice when my DS was blue lighted to hospital. She didn’t want to charge me then either under her policy on emergencies, but I paid as it wouldn’t have felt right not to (she travels from another clinic so made a specific journey).

I think your therapist has been reasonable here. Sorry you’re poorly though.

Of course you still have to pay her. You cancelled at short notice. She won’t be able to fill the time slot so why should she have to lose wages due to your illness.

she was very nice to let you off paying the first time. You knew the cancellation policy when you accepted the appointment.

It's not an additional free session. It's because I've already charged if I have to cancel at the last minute. I think I've explained above.

To add to my last post, I do agree she made a mistake waiving the policy at all, although it was obviously a nice thing to do. While I see why she did, as a goodwill gesture, I think those things are best left completely consistent and professional.

I know I've experienced it in the past - it being waived one time and not the next. I actually felt quite uncomfortable and it made me feel like they liked me less or were annoyed at me the second time or even didn't believe me maybe? And it felt like a weird power imbalance (more than there already is).

I was reminded of being a kid and the first time it was like I'd been naughty but I was allowed to get away with it because I'm normally really good and the second time they had lost patience for me.

I knew logically it was none of those things and I absolutely believed they should be paid but I believed they should be paid the first time too and in hindsight should have insisted but I didn't have the words to articulate all of this at the time. I didn't like it being waived at all and would rather the policy have been strict and non-negotiable.

I know it's customer service but the relationship between someone doing your nails and someone you're working through childhood attachment issues with is very different. The nature of the relationship is already very unique, imbalanced, and sometimes feels a bit weird so I really think it's better keeping things strictly by the policy. Transference is an odd thing.

Sorry you're ill but you are being V Unreasonable. She gave you a 'free' goodwill session the first time you cancelled but there has to be a line. The t's and c's state there will be a charge. She cannot fill the gap with insufficient notice.
I work in a clinical field and there has to be boundaries - my boundaries are 24hrs notice of cancellation or 50% of the fee is charged. Very, very rarely do people offer to pay for a missed appointment. 99% of the time I have to point out the charge. I am then met with refusal to pay, saying they didnt know, people hanging up the phone, offering to come at a different time etc...
This can happen 10+ times a week, despite email reminders and text reminders. I can loose 10% of my wages due to sickness, cars breaking down, relatives ill.
I am also changing to 48hrs notice of cancellation from April due to loss of income and will be taking a 50% deposit upfront.

I review my contract and charges annually and am considering moving to a 48 hours cancellation policy. As it is I have protected myself from potential time wasters by requiring payment on booking for the first session, and I only accept payment by bank transfer in advance of the session. Thankfully I rent my own office so I don't have room fees per session to consider.

What I hate about these kinds of policies is that they usually only work one way.

I didn’t cancel 24 (48, 72..) hours previously, so I’ll have to pay? Fine.

the therapist cancels on short notice? Nothing. I won’t get compensated for taking time of work, the inconvenience of scheduling etc.

edit: 72 hours seems a bit excessive to me. 24 or 48 is more appropriate.

You need to think of it like this.

Contracts are used to allocate risk.

The risk here is that you will fall sick too close to your appointment to allow the therapist to fill the spot with someone else. This results in a financial loss to the therapist.

At the start of the relationship, she gave you a contract which made it clear that the financial impact of that event falls to you. You accepted that risk by signing the contract/(or proceeding with the sessions if she didn’t ask you to sign, it’s still enforceable)

It doesn’t matter that you weren’t able to negotiate her terms; your choice was take her service on these terms, and accept the risk, or walk away.

Are you planning to work through your issue of self entitlement with this therapist?

Why dont you try and get cancellations rather that regular sessions and see how you go?

You definitely need to pay her.

You think she should give you some discretion because you don’t do this all the time…but she did exactly that, she didn’t charge you for the first cancelled session. You think she should waive her terms and conditions for the second cancelled session as well…but you agree that seven times is too many, so what is the number where you think she’d be reasonable to start applying to the terms and conditions you signed up - three? Four? Five?

If you don't want a therapist with these T&Cs, find another one. You agreed to this when you signed up.

And yes, it's absolutely reasonable. You've paid for her time to be blocked for your use, not solely for the session. Most professionals would struggle to find someone else to fill a gap with three days notice, especially something that isn't 'ad hoc' like therapy.

Childcare is the same. You pay for the space. You don't pay for the session. If you can't attend, you still pay or lose the session. Swimming lessons are usually the same. If you don't attend, you still pay regardless. My piano teacher has the exact same policy. The reason why you can't attend is unimportant, if you can't attend without significant notice you still pay. This is their livelihood, how they pay the bills, if they don't take themselves seriously then people do take the mickey. As you are now. She did you a kindness once, and now you've expected it again, even though you should have been charged the first time.

I would advise you try find a therapist who doesn't charge you for short notice cancellations, then maybe you'll appreciate what you have in this one who was kind enough not to charge last time when she should have.

You are showing a real lack of respect for her time honestly. Last time I couldn't attend my piano lesson due to weather, my husband (who wasn't aware of the T&Cs) said 'oh just say you can't make it and see what they say, they might let you off cos the weather isn't your fault'. Which surprised me tbh. I'd already sent payment before letting them know I couldn't come as I wouldn't ever want to put them in the position of having to ask for payment I had already agreed I would give. It's disrespectful tbh.

It’s just the way it goes with virtually every service: Provider has to cancel = rescehdule. Customer has to cancel (especially at short notice) = fee still paid. The service provider can’t simply reschedule otherwise (in most cases) they’re effectively working twice, as they have to be at that location regardless and will probably have turned down other appointments to provide that time to you. Service providers that do allow reschedule usually only do it for one of two reasons - A) they’re not that busy B) it’s essential to ensure repeat future business If neither A nor B apply then they’d be stupid to do it.