To expect partner to care more about job worries?

[nonchalanceforever]

Like a lot of places at the moment my department announced they will be restructuring. Yesterday I found out my team will be impacted and I'm lucky to have a couple of options instead of straight out redundancy.

My problem is when I told my partner yesterday he said 'oh well' and walked out of the room and didn't mention it again. I mentioned it again today to say that I needed to decide which option to take based on the less risky choice and he just said 'I'm sure you'll make the right choice' and walked out of the room to play on the Nintendo.

I'm obviously not in the best of moods at the moment, so didn't want to raise the fact with him that I expected at least a conversation. AIBU to expect more from partner as all the family will suffer if I lose my job?

Is this a usual response for him? If he’s usually attentive and chatty about your issues then it must be worth finding out why he’s distracted. Could he be facing similar and just not told you yet?

Its completely reasonable for you to want a conversation with him and chat it through, but he is right that it needs to be your decision (I admit it drives me up the wall when DH wants me to make his decisions for him - particularly if I think I’ll get the blame if it doesn’t work out).

So do you know pros and cons for each choice? Chat it through here?

He does respond like that sometimes, and I normally let it go because it can turn into an argument as he says he doesn't know what he is meant to say.

I know what you mean about the decision making because it's my decision but as it might affect family finances, some input from my partner would be helpful. Eg. If I take the risky option instead of the safe option I'm a bit more likely to be made redundant in a few months.

He has mentioned a few work situations over the last few months including a potential role change which we had a conversation about. It's possible things have changed and he hasn't mentioned it, but he seemed quite open about it the last time it was mentioned

On my side, Option 1 is safeish, pretty interesting and I know the people I would be working with and can work well with them.
Option 2 is having more responsibility and really interesting, not majorly risky, but another similar project didn't go so well recently and I don't know most of the people I'll be working with and there might be some friction.

Maybe because, selfishly, doesn't affect him. Do you live together or separately? If together would you be able to afford to keep sharing?

So are you the type of person who’s always up for a challenge?! I am, so would pick Option 2 every time (providing I have the skills and confidence to succeed).

But if you value “peace at work” and less stress then Option 1 sounds straightforward.

You wouldn’t be asking the question though if you didn’t think that actually even though perhaps people expect you to pick Option 1 you actually quite fancy a challenge right now so you’re looking for reassurance that it isn’t actually silly to go all out for Option 2!

I appreciate the dilemma - if the household finances depend on you (jointly, but would suffer if you weren’t contributing) then you might feel that taking that kind of risk almost needs permission so that if it all goes wrong you know you have support.

Do you have any managers that could advise on whether Option 2 is right for you? If knowing your work and your personality they think Option 2 is good, then perhaps it’s not as high risk as you think?

He has mentioned a few work situations over the last few months including a potential role change which we had a conversation about. It's possible things have changed and he hasn't mentioned it, but he seemed quite open about it the last time it was mentioned

I would ask why he doesn’t me give me a few minutes to discuss something that worries me and yet expects to talk about his own work situations?

Remember this OP and next time he mentions a work issue say ‘I’m sure you’ll figure it out’ and walk away.

He doesn’t sound like someone you can rely on.

My DP is like that but my job didn't pay for anything, he was 100% provider and me having a job or not was irrelevant to his money.
He isn't good at emotional supporting but 100% takes care of finances. I guess you can't have it all with a partner. My job loss was a bummer for me because it was for my career and savings as we aren't married.
Sometimes I wonder if my dp is on the spectrum.

I guess your DH is very matter of fact and trusts your decision.

I'm beginning to think we need to have a sharp work with all adult 'gamers'. So many stories about people/children being ignored because partner is playing some game and taking no responsibility. Personally I'd be tempted to lob the Nintendo out of the window but a calmer approach would be to take partner out for coffee and uninterrupted chat about the job.