What are your green and red flags?

[Herdingcatz]

I’ve recently joined a dating site, and I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable, but a lot of the guys have in their profile the question “What are your green and red flags?” . Personally I find this a bit of an odd question- I’m not going to want to tell you what behaviours I like- I want to see if you naturally exhibit them, rather than just do them in the early days because I have said that this is the way to win me over?

AIBU in finding this very question a red flag in itself?

I’ve never heard of green flags before in this context. I agree it’s a weird question. It suggests the men asking this, don’t really understand what red flags are. If you can avoid engaging with them, I would.

If it’s something you feel the need to answer, I’d ask them to share examples of theirs. That might tell you whether you want to engage with those individuals further, based on their answers.

I don’t feel the need to answer at all. I’ve been giving all of these guys the swerve as to me I don’t want to say “I find x behaviour attractive” and have them display that for the first couple of months as they think it will be impressive and then find that that isn’t who they truly are.

Equally I don’t want to share my “red flags”, I just want them to not do them because they are a good egg.

My slight worry is I’m not sure if I am being too picky in just automatically excluding all of these guys…. I also automatically exclude all of those who list their interests as “sex positivity”… because that seems to be a bit odd to list as an interest.

I also then discount all the single dads- I really don’t want to date someone with kids… after all of these automatic nos… pickings get a bit slim…just wondered if I was being a bit over sensitive to the question. I find on line dating a bit odd- I guess I couldn’t work out if these men thought they were demonstrating sensitivity and awareness, or whether it’s just a bit odd.

Trimmed to cut off the name!!!! Yep, see it all the time. No idea 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds like you’re not being fussy at all. You’re being reasonably cautious. Completely agree with you that it’s better to observe this behaviour than to list it out, for someone to work into their “act”, to date you.