My sister is a lovely person, has a very generous heart, but is very good at not doing things she does not want to do.
She has just maintained the role of being baby of the family.
She will do things if asked directly, ie 'hold DS2 while I just try and get DS1's lunch ready' 'can you take DS1 out for a walk to the swings for me? while I go to X appointment for DS2'... that sort of thing.
and has in the past been very generous and helpful in other ways- selling my car amongst other things.
However, whilst my Dad and I have been quite happy to deal with her in our own way, as my DH has come into the picture, and stepmother, it's clear her behaviour within the family is becoming a problem. It drives DH up the wall.
And it all came to a head when my sis came to stay very soon after DS2 was born. Whereas everyone else chipped in when they came over, she sat back and watched, occassionally playing with DS1. DH was livid on the morning she was going to leave, when he had to go to work, and all he could think about all day was that I had been left with a house in a tip (which he would gladly have sorted out if he was at home I hasten to add!), a 2week old and a toddler-- and was not coping very well with the whole BFing thing as well.
He wrote this very pointed letter to her, basically telling her she needed to grow up a bit, and not expect the world to do everything for her. I stepped in and begged him not to send it, and to let me deal with her, it would just start a big rift between them I don't want. She takes very badly to criticism, and I just think it could be done in a more subtle way.
It's a looooong standing problem with her really. She just makes no exceptions for her behaviour, or how she views the world, for anyone, and I think as she gets older, it is just starting to cause problems. Our family have discussed a few times since, my stepmother also seeming to be quite vocal on the subject, so she perhaps does need to be made aware that sometimes she has to do things she does not want to.
My Dad and I have just let her get away with not doing anything when we are all living together, for years, possibly being too indulgent after my mother died about 10yrs ago- she is now 24, me 27.
Is it really my DHs place to say anything though? We are all family, of course, but are some things just no-go between in-laws? Was I wrong to veto his letter?