To want go a weekend away for my daughters 18th

[Harry12345]

I’ve got 3 sons. One daughter who I’m really close with. She’s close to my partner, her Dad but he still talks to her as if she is 12, moans at her, constantly asks her to do things for him, takes the mick out of her and isn’t the most nurturing tbh. My partner is also quite moody and bad tempered at times which I find hard work. Anyway I’d love to take my daughter away for the weekend to another city somewhere. I told my partner this and he’s went in a mood as he wants to go. It would be a totally different dynamic and not as fun for my daughter going with mum and dad and also we are more like friends. I’ve said to him he should go with his brother or son somewhere but he’s in a really bad mood. He wasn’t taken anywhere as a child whilst his mum and dad went away every year. I feel like his response to me saying I want to go with just my daughter is through issues from his childhood and being left but that’s not my problem. I don’t feel I’m being unreasonable to want one weekend away with my daughter. He’s just making it all about him and him wanting to go away not about spending time with us. I feel like I need a break from him due to his moods. AIBU?

@Harry12345

Book your lovely girly (so your partner won't be there) and he can grump and sulk as much as he likes but he'll have to lump it. He is, supposedly, an adult and should try and act as one and find something else to do rather than muscle in on time between you and your daughter.

When you go, ensure your phone (and your daughter's) is either off or silent or on do not disturb for large portions of your time away so he doesn't keep phoning and interrupting your time together. 🌹

Why are you still with a man who treats your daughter so badly?

My stepfather was insanely jealous of my relationship with my mum and would do similar. Sulk for weeks on end if we wanted to do something or would accuse us of keeping secrets if we were talking when he wasn't around/in the room. Thankfully she eventually left him and our relationship recovered.

She's his daughter too!

From the OP: She’s close to my partner, her Dad but he still talks to her as if she is 12, moans at her, constantly asks her to do things for him, takes the mick out of her and isn’t the most nurturing tbh.

Just do it. He's totally out of order to suddenly claim he wants to come too when he wouldn't even enjoy it particularly. You'll presumably be doing more girly stuff (soz not sexist) and he'll just moan about being dragged about.
He's acting a mug and your daughter deserves this holiday with just you. You can have a family holiday with all of you as long as you all agree (difficult) but this trip is special. Don't let him sabotage it.

Tell him to get a grip

He’s not completely bad and like that all the time, he has lots of good points and my dd just role her eyes at him, I mentioned the negative bits to give an understanding of why it would be different with him there. I think he struggles to see her as an adult and I’ve had numerous conversations with him about it. I do think he’s messed up a bit from his childhood

My daughter turns 21 soon. She's spending the day with her boyfriend and I. DH also moody about this but that's his problem - reap as ye shall sow and all that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is this man her dad? It's not clear.

I wonder if it's because it's her big birthday and he wants to spend it with her too? Perhaps just make sure you do something as a family and then take your dd away separate to that. It's nice to have one on one time with individual children, and your dh must feel insecure if he can't allow you to do something with your dd that he can't be a part of.

Yes

It’s seriously nothing to do with that, he’s just jealous as he wants to go away, if we were staying in U.K. he wouldn’t care

I would share a very very girlie itinerary with him like shopping, cocktails, whatever else floats your boats and doesn't float his. Also point out the cost of an extra room etc.

If he wants to go away why don't you suggest you also do a trip just the two of you as a couple or all of the family at some point x

Just book it and go. I'm taking DD2 to Paris for her 16th, just us. DH wants to come too but I don't give a toss as we are going without him and that's that. And it will be the first of many trips.

Well that’s it then! It’s a girly weekend and he’s not a girl!

He’ll look a total idiot kicking off from being excluded from a girly weekend.

I do think he’s messed up a bit from his childhood

Whilst understanding this can give you empathy, it's not your job to fix him.

He needs to work on this issue himself.

He sounds like bloody Kevin the teenager.

I have and we could but it’s as if he feels it’s not fair me getting an extra trip, it’s very childish

Woohoo

Why do you allow your boyfriend to bully your (and his) daughter? Vile behaviour, your daughter will think this is normal behaviour from a man, as will your sons.

My DD and I have had many weekends away together
We are going to New York this year for 5 days
can’t wait
your partner is being ridiculous

Yabvvu for forcing your daughter to grow up with a man who treats her like shit

No problem with this at all!

My mum took me for a weekend away abroad for my 18th, to see where my favourite film was made. It was one of the best presents i’ve ever had.

She is very much aware that her dad can be childish, annoying and grumpy and doesn’t think it’s normal, they do have a nice relationship a lot of the time and she rolls her eyes at him, they have fun times too

I get where you are coming from however it is not all the time, he’s just very grumpy and still sees her as a child which I know is wrong. For the majority of the time they get on and she loves her dad, tbh if I split from him years ago he would’ve had her half the time, she was a daddy’s girl when young, I interject when I feel he is overstepping and he mostly takes it on board

There is no justification on the planet for allowing your child to be bullied by an adult. Even if it's not all the time.
'daddys girl' was likely fawning, learning how to appease angry males. So damaging.