Should I still go/agoraphobia

[ThisLoftyLilacShark]

For background I have agoraphobia, triggered by trauma from an abusive relationship that I’ve now left. I was housebound for a few months and then extended where I felt comfortable going , but it’s not far. I also have insomnia and stomach issues caused by my anxiety and stress.
my dog has a vet appointment for her eye today at lunchtime. I have been to the vets once last week. I managed. But my mind is telling me that this time will be different.
I know her eye is important and she deserves to see a vet and that I’m making this all about me. I had to change my routine to get this appointment.
I don’t know what I’m afraid of, it isn’t rational. This morning I have been to the toilet 3 times. When I leave the house, I scan myself and my surroundings for danger. If there isn’t any, my mind creates it. If I take a bag of things, my mind thinks of something I don’t have that I feel I need. If I have everything I could need, it panics anyway because nothing I have is soothing my anxiety, so think something is wrong with me. If I tell myself my anxiety can’t hurt me and won’t kill me, my anxiety will escalate until I believe that it will. it doesn’t matter if I only leave the house for a few minutes, my mind makes those minutes the longest minutes.
I have tried CBT and meditation.
I don’t want agoraphobia to control my life anymore.

Hi Op,

I've had agoraphobia too, triggered in my case by an abusive childhood. I get you. It's the pits.

When I was at my worst and had to go out I found it helpful just to focus on the very next immediate step. For example, I d say to myself "I'll just walk down to that bus stop". Then when I got there, "I'll just walk down to that shop"

Breaking my journey into the tiniest steps helped because if I thought of the whole thing it was utterly overwhelming.

If you do start to panic don't judge yourself because that will make it worse. Don't determine your success by whether or not you panic, it's irrelevant. If that makes sense!!

Talk to your dog too. Tell her how you are feeling. She won't judge, and verbalising your thoughts can help.

Things will get better I promise you but it won't be easy.

Good luck OP, I don't know you but I will be with you in spirit when you go out today. And give your dog a pat from me.

It's really hard but keep telling yourself that you're doing this for your dog. If necessary actually chant it out loud while you're heading out the door, in the car etc. It might take your mind off the scanning. You know you need to do it for her sake as she can't make it there herself. I put off taking my dog when deep down I knew she needed to go, and when I did take her it was too late - she had a tumour that had burst. I've felt so guilty since. Don't be me. The struggle you're having getting out of the house is nothing compared to the guilt you'd feel if she suffered unnecessarily. She'll look after you while you look after her. You'll be okay.

I should’ve said, I went and I managed. I was very anxious, but she just had an allergic reaction in her eye that needed medicine

Well done you!