Mothers Day

[fcs85]

My 17 year old grandson asked me for money to buy his mum some flowers on Mothers Day. His Mum is my sons ex-wife and is not a relative of mine. I already buy a present for him to give his mum at Christmas and Birthday and felt I had to draw the line at Mothers Day. He could have asked any of his 3 sisters, who are all working, his Nan (his mums mum) or his mums partner but he seems to come to me for everything. He lives with me and my son almost exclusively and does not see his mum even once a week, in fact I counted 9 weeks when he did not see his mum at all although they do communicate on WhatsApp almost every day. I do not communicate with his mum at all and I don't think there is much communication between my son and his ex. She does not buy my grandson anything to give to his dad on Birthday or Christmas. My grandson said that his dad should give him money to get flowers for his mum, I said that she doesn't get him anything for Fathers Day me again with that present) so why should he get his mum anything. Was I being mean not to get her flowers on Mothers Day?

I wouldn’t view this as a present for her, but as something that is important to him. So yes I think you are being mean- but to your grandson.

The only person you hurt in this situation is your grandson. This woman is his mother and as much of a shit one she is, it’s all he has. You should bite your tongue and give him the fiver for some flowers. Or better yet get your son to give it to him!

At 17 I would expect him to get a part time job to earn his own money.
He really shouldn't need to borrow from you at that age.

Lend him money or don't
But it wouldn't be you getting her a present it would be him.
And he does seem to want a relationship with his mum regardless of how you feel about that.

I agree with the above poster. It's not about a present for her about your grandson wanting to do something nice, maybe even trying to ignite more of a connection with his mother.

to herdinggoats, as I say in my original post he has plenty of family close to his mum to ask for £6 to buy flowers.

Yes, you were being mean. It was about him not her, and would have been a caring thing to do for him, costing the price of a bunch of tulips.

But he lives with you he probably feels more comfortable asking you
It's entirely up to you if you lend him the money though .

But he feels like you’re the one to ask, why is this?

Maybe he feels safest with you, like you’re a strong parental figure to him? Or maybe he sees you as a soft touch, but as it was a present for someone else then I’m thinking it’s not that?

Your poor grandson. I wouldn't have refused this time (17 is still considered a child in the eyes of the law) but it sounds like it is time to have a discussion of expectations going forwards.

Your son, his father, should have stepped up here. Most decent men would put their child's feelings first, and his child wanted to buy someone he cares about a bunch of flowers.

Btw just because they don't physically see each other doesn't mean they aren't close. That's quite a stupid comment to make if you think about it.

The only relationship your damaging by taking this stance is with your grandson and he will remember it.

Yes fine he could have asked others but he asked you and wanted to do something for her. It's spiteful and petty if you could afford to do it.

It's not really your call to make whether he gets his mum something or not. I can understand your position but yeah, I do think it's mean and petty to refuse a teenager who came and asked for your help.

It was important to him and he looked to you as a person he loves and trusts to help him.

Despite all the 'politics', you've let him down.

As others have said, it can be difficult to ask others for money. I stand by my thought that it was mean towards your grandson.

It is hard for teenagers these days to get part tine jobs to fit around college, when i was 15 I was working in a greasy builders cafe. With legislation of child working it is hard to get a Saturday job. As others said it is grandson who you are hurting, not her. He wants a relationship with her whatever your opinion is do it for him. He probably doesn't want to ask her side of the family as embarrassed. He lives with you and sees you as a stable support, as his dad is living with you. Just put yourself in his shoes.