To think DH seriously lacks empathy

[aloneintheether]

AIBU to be quite shocked by how DH is with me when I'm unwell. I'm on day 4 of a really nasty virus. I don't normally take to bed with colds but now I'm so unwell I've mainly been under the covers shivering or sweating. When I've taken paracetamol I have a few sweat drenched hours when I have the energy to browse social media etc. Other than that I just want to cry I feel so poorly.

If DH was poorly, I'd go to check in on him first thing when I'd get up, multiple times a day, offer drinks etc and just in general be kind and fuss over him.

DH gets up in the morning and just starts feeding the kids and doing housework (housework is always more important than anything in this life). Yesterday, on mothersday he came in the bedroom twice and was quite sarcastic and nasty about me being ill, but made out he was only joking. Not once has he said anything empathetic. He skipped mothers day celebrations for me, kids cards and presents are still in their hiding place. He made a mothers day meal for his parents but forgot to save me any food. Then he grumbled because he had to wash up after the meal AND give the kids a bath and told me I owed him big time (again jokingly)

AIBU and expecting something that's not fair on him when he already runs the house and sorts out the kids whilst I'm unwell. I'd like to think it shouldn't be that unreasonable to show a bit of kindness and empathy to your wife when she's unwell.

Yes your husband is a massive arsehole, and I would be telling him so if I were you.

That is just so mean. I couldn't be with someone who treats me with such contempt.

What's he like at other times, like when you're not ill? And how old are DC?

Of course yanbu, the fact that you have to ask is part of the problem.To me this is ltb territory, he doesnt respect or care for you so what is the point? We all set our own bars for what is acceptable to us and what isn't, you need to raise yours.

I was very ill in the lead up to Xmas and up until New year. My dh took over completely with all 3 kids, cooking, cleaning, arranging to wfh etc. On Xmas day I was in a and e and he managed everything. I'm not boasting but trying to show you that good men do exist and not all treat their wives so despicable.

Sorry you’re unwell and your husband is a dickhead. This is not how a loving partner behaves.

I ended a 16 year relationship because of someone like that. I had a very nasty virus in January 2019, I was sick in bed for nearly a fortnight. He was absolutely furious and treated me with nothing but contempt the entire time. I broke up with him that March.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work - a spoilt man-child who gets the arse when you ("the domestic appliance") stops working due to illness ("a technical fault").

This is male entitlement in all its glory.

Either he learns about how to have a healthy adult relationship based on equality and equity, which will take a shit-load of counselling and effort on his part, or you reassess whether this marriage is how you want to spend the rest of your life.

If it were me, I'd wait til I felt better then totally lose my shit.

I can understand him keeping away from you. He probably doesn't want to catch it.

But the moaning, not saving you food, and saying you 'owe him' is completely out of order.

He's awful. Without kindness there is no real marriage. I'm so sorry you're ill but even more sorry that you're with a man who lacks empathy.

He's an arsehole and no, those weren't jokes. I mean, who the hell jokes about things like that when their partner is sick?

As another poster mentioned he doesn't see you as a person but more as an appliance, so he's pissed off that you are malfunctioning.