To want more children as an unnatural mother

[Chasingyourtail]

Unnatural is probably the wrong word but I certainly wasn't a natural mother first time around. We are now 4 years on from finding out we were going to have our first baby. I found motherhood tough - I don't think COVID helped this and there was of course a lot of usual feelings around not wanting to get things wrong.

I keep envisioning a pregnancy in which DH comes to the scans, I can meet up with other mums and attend baby groups, and doing it all again with the experience I have now. I think what's stopping me is imagining my parents and others who saw my post natal depression last time and not believing I am capable. I rely a lot on my family for help so while I am coming round to the idea of another baby, I am worried about feelings of failure rushing back. I'm nearly 32 if that is at all helpful/relevant.

I'm quite fortunate to have parents in their 50s who no longer work, in addition to this I'm not sure I'd need as much support from them this time round. I think waiting another year would probably be a good idea and to reassess then. Some of your responses have made me happy cry, it's nice to feel like you're doing a good job 😊

I've thought about this response a lot and I think what I mean by unnatural mother is that dealing with babies isn't something that comes naturally to me. I'm enjoying DS a lot more now we have conversations and I'm seeing him grow into his own personality. While I think I'd be better this time round, I also have worries about going through the baby stage again. I love the idea of having 2 children but know that this would be a bit of a slog in some ways for the next few years.

Also just editing to say I'm sorry to hear you had this experience. That must have been really tough to come to terms with 💐

There were also lots of pro’s to having a baby in covid times believe it or not

It depends on your personality. It was awful for me.

I say go for it. I was very lucky in that I took to being a mother very well, found that the bubble of COVID suited us as a mum & baby. I had wanted to have a baby (and mine was a last minute surprise) but never keen on being a “Mum”. I found the experience great. The toddler years are harder, and I do question myself, but I just do what I feel is right. Doing it all my own way, with no outside pressure, really worked for us. It was almost as if I had him on my own terms (even though my birth didn’t go to plan at all, I’m happy that it all fell into place). So, it’s different for everyone. I don’t want another child. But, if you do, I think try look on it as a whole new experience as it will be quite different to the COVID baby scenario.