AIBU to get upset over no Mother’s Day gift.

[Thunderinsummer]

I was a solo parent for 8 years, ex went awol for a while but is back. I never had Mother’s Day or birthday presents from my 2 children but my childminder would always make a card with them and sometimes take them to the shop with a few pound and buy a gift. Kids now see their dad and will ask to make a card or buy a small gift (my fave chocolate, a candle etc) which they do and they gave to me this morning.

I have a 6 month old with new husband and didn’t get anything from him. Not even the words happy Mother’s Day. My older children asked what the youngest one got me and they were confused too. I don’t want lots, a handmade card or a little picture would have been perfect.

What made it worse is that we went to mil today and he was asking me which shops he thought would have a card and flowers for her.

We haven’t spoken about it but he knows I’m upset. I just feel down because I thought he might make an effort on my first Mother’s Day with his child.

What redeeming qualities does he have?

I think thats awful and he should be ashamed. happy mothers day from me to you x

He is usually quite good in that I get a nice card, a note or flowers throughout the year not just on ‘days’. He’s not big on birthdays, I’m not big on valentines but I thought he would know that this would mean something to me

But if both of you have form not marking the day, why would you expect him to be different in this one?

Because this is the first mother's day as the mother of his child

Does he now understand that a total lack of effort is poor form? Sometimes a person is ignorant to the unspoken rules that come with certain situations and they need educating.

My DH has gotten better over the years, but I think he’s only gotten there, because I give him honest feedback about what I expected and he took that on board for next time. In addition to NOT staying silent, I also didn’t try to hide my feelings. You can’t save this MD, but you can let him know where he’s erred, so he doesn’t repeat it for future events.

He clearly doesn't know that this would mean something to you though, does he?

Mothers day is just another 'Hallmark holiday' to some people and as you don't seem to celebrate other similar days, I'm not sure why you expected this one to be any different.

He does seem like a decent guy who sends you cards/notes/flowers at other times so I think you just needed to make it clearer that you would appreciate celebrating mothers day.

You’d he surprised at the number of first-time dads who don’t realise their partner is supposed to get a Mother’s Day card.

If he’s normally good then I’d give the benefit of the doubt this year but be clear about what’d like to happen going forward.

“I think it’d be really nice if we acknowledge mothers / Father’s Day going forward. No need to spend lots of money but I’d really like it if we can at least do a card and cake or a nice lunch together. Do you agree?”

I agree he should have done something but hey some people just aren’t that emotionally switched on and they miss things. Be straight with him; he’s not a mind reader so don’t sit there sulking or being a martyr. Speak up

I thought he would have done something as we have had conversations previously that I’ve never been put first I only ever got gifts from my childminder. My parents also live abroad so I don’t have that close support

Thank you this is good advice. I do tend to just sulk a bit, suck it up and move on. So in that respect it won’t change.

I agree with the posters saying to be clear with him about your expectations- my first Valentine's Day with my DH after we got married, he got me nothing- we were broke at that point, I'd just had his child- I was gutted - I love getting people gifts- home made cards etc- it wasn't about the money, it was the zero effort. However- gifts were not his love language, and he shows constantly how loved I am, on a daily basis with the things he does. The mothers say that care straight after that both his mum, and mine bought me gifts incase he hadn't! But it was fine, as he knew then what the expectation was. I gave DH suggestions this year as I always do- occasionally he will excitedly tell me for a birthday that he has thought of something- but generally not. So id hope if you explain to your DH he will learn from this. If he is generally good- it may be just he didn't realise

Happy Mother’s Day, I hope you have a better one in 2025! Xx