Unsure of the right choice

[deskchair51]

I'll try and be brief.

My father died 2 months ago. He was sent to prison when I was younger and I hadn't seen him for nearly 10 years. He was not a good person and I was raised by my mother. I'm not happy, but I'm not in bits either. I was told of his passing by a relative that had been acting as a kind of helper every now and then for the last few years. I am the only child. The estate has a value of £200k. I was told there was no will and that it had never been discussed. I expressed a desire to possibly use the estate for charitable purposes. A few days after this, I was told that actually he had been very clear verbally that he wanted his estate to go to the carer. I feel I'm being lied to about this, but I don't particularly care for the money and probably believe that as I was not in his life for the last decade then I have no right to the inheritance.

I have no idea what I want to do or what is the right thing.

If he died with no will, there are rules surrounding who inherits, no matter what may have been said verbally:

If that was the case, and he wanted it to go to the carer, he should/ would have made a will stating that....

He knew it would have gone to you if there was no will.

It will come to you whether you want it to or not. Use the money however you see fit.

If there is nothing in writing at all it comes to you.

It's some compensation for him have not contributing to your life! Up to you what you do with it.

He didn't made a will and that's all there is to it. Don't let people manipulate you.

Whilst I feel I am being misled, I do not know that to be the case for certain. I'd hate to frustrate the wishes of a dead man.

I think its this uncertainty that I'm hating about the situation.

If he really wanted his carer to have the money he would/should have written it down. She could be a scam artist for all you know. Someone who saw a lonely old man in poor health worth a bob or two and latched onto this.

Who told you that he wanted it to go to the carer and where did they hear that from?

Immaterial legally, of course.

The relative / helper / carer are all the same person. I realise that was poorly communicated. It was this person that told me.

I think 'helper' is probably a more accurate description than 'carer.' My understanding is that they saw each other a month or so.

I was told explicitly that there was no will and that they never discussed it. Then, a few days later, I was told that actually they had a whole conversation and he was very clear in who he wanted to inherit and for very specific reasons. I can't understand why this recollection would change, which is the main point of doubt I have about the intentions overall.

It really doesn't matter what he said, legally they will only care about what's written in his will.

You are being played, OP. That money is yours, distribute it how you wish.

I would imagine this “helper” has discovered there was no Will and is now chancing their luck by saying this.

If I were you I would take the money, not do anything in a hurry and then decide in a year or so when it is less of a shock what to do with the money.

It might be you decide your father would’ve wanted you to have it and so keep it to
set you up with a home or pay off a mortgage. Or you might stay with your plan and give it to charity. The charities will still be there in a years time. I don’t see the benefit of making a decision in a hurry

This person is lying to you @deskchair51 as you say, why the sudden change of story? They may not have understood what him dying intestate means and think it worth a try.

Take the money, keep it or donate it as you wish, but don't believe them, because They. Are. Lying.

Yeah, the Queen stated verbally to me she wanted me to have her estate too...

People pull this shit all the time. Presumably you're the only NOK so the estate will go to you. It's on the relative to prove their case that they're entitled to the estate/a provision from the estate, and I can tell you now no solicitor will even entertain taking their case on.

You're being played. They've realised the size of the estate and want as much of it as they can get their hands on.

"I was told explicitly that there was no will and that they never discussed it. Then, a few days later, I was told that actually they had a whole conversation and he was very clear in who he wanted to inherit and for very specific reasons."

If someone's story changes they are lying.

Yes, I'm the only NOK. I think I knew that, legally, the estate would come to me if there was a dispute. My dilemma, and I'm sorry for the indulgent melodramatic angst, is whether that is the right thing to do.

I think there are fibs being told, but this person clearly isn't trying to get the money to go on five star vacations either. I'm probably 75 / 25 on the story being false, which means there is a chance that I'm wrong. I'm quite comfortable financially and this money would not change my life. I also don't want to make a decision disguised as being the morally right thing but really motivated by greed. I don't think I am doing that, but its hard to truly be sure.

A friend did suggest keeping hold of the estate for a period of time rather than trying to rush a decision, as has been suggested by a couple of posters, and I think that is what I'm going to do.

So reading your posts again, I'm starting to think that this relative expressed this "verbal wish" because you said you were basically going to give the money away.

I can kind of understand their thinking then, and maybe what they're saying is sort of true in their own heads. Maybe your dad wasn't a charitable sort, what with prison and all dry humour sorry and they've misrepresented something your dad actually said and changed it into he wanted them to have the money.

Like in their mind, if you're giving it away anyway, the relative isn't taking it from you, and your dad would probably rather it went to the relative than strangers?

Whether I'm way off the mark or not, when the estate inevitably goes to you, you don't actually have to do anything with it. So just let things play out for now, just don't let the relative harangue you for their "share".

Your father did not want his money to go to the carer, because if that had matter in any way to him, he would have written a will, and he did not. The carer is lying. Or deluded.