DSS has lived with us since he was 6, now 9. His BM has issues with alcohol and mental health and didn’t look after him and his siblings well, to the point where her other children now live with her mum under court order.
She is supposed to visit him here once a month and video call twice a week. She hasn’t visited here since last March and misses most video calls. There is usually either no contact to explain or a clearly made up excuse. DSS is not stupid and is aware she is not being honest and has a lot of anger for what he went through in her care and her lack of effort to maintain their relationship since he moved to live with us. She has never taken responsibility for her part and blames me and DH suggesting we have influenced DSS and make contact difficult (we have always taken him to visit them in school holidays, it’s 2 hours away so can’t be more frequent, we aren’t doing this currently just because I was heavily pregnant and have now recently given birth).
DSS made the school card for me. When I asked if he wanted to wish his mum a happy Mother’s Day he said no, I said to think about it and he stuck to not wanting to. She hasn’t bothered to call him for the last two weeks despite repeatedly contacting me to confirm timings beforehand.
Today she has messaged me saying it’s not fair she hasn’t had a message for DSS on Mother’s Day. I replied saying I understand it’s upsetting and I did ask him but I can’t force him. I said if he sees her making an effort he’s more likely to make one back. Just like that, no strong language. She responded that it’s wrong and I am wrong.
So first, AIBU for not pushing him more to wish her happy Mother’s Day? And if I ANBU would I BU to double down and say that it’s unreasonable to expect anything from a child, let alone when she isn’t making the effort to contact or visit him. I don’t want an argument but no one challenges her behaviour and I feel like if I don’t say anything she will think I am
saying she’s right.