Mother’s Day Expectations

[GwinGwyn]

AIBU to think that some posts today could have been avoided by people clearly expressing to their family/others what they expected from today?

I didn’t see my mum today as I am moving tomorrow and I am in the middle of packing boxes. But she knew weeks in advance (as much notice as I got) and I sent her a card, texted her today (we chatted yesterday), and I’m going to take her for lunch once settled - sometime around Easter, we’ll tie down a date.

But I see so many posts on here where people just haven’t had an honest conversation about what they wanted and seem to think people know through osmosis or psychic ability. Maybe you think I am crap for not dropping everything and driving 80 miles to my mum today - she doesn’t - texted her first thing to say HMD and she replied: “Couldn’t do it without you! Xxx” which I thought was incredibly sweet.

Not to say people don’t have issues with their mothers - I have over the years - but so many people on here are upset because they didn’t have their perfect day, but didn’t seem to communicate what they wanted in advance. We are all living in a world of blended families, people working mad hours, living at a great distance from another. This genuinely isn’t aimed at anyone - I read stuff and felt guilty that I hadn’t done more for my mum - but then it kind of dawned that my mum is fine because we both knew what today would look like.

AIBU to think mums have a role in speaking to their loved ones about what they do/don’t want for today? People aren’t mind readers. But if they know, something is agreed and people are arseholes, then fair enough obviously….

Been married 5 years. Pregnant with my 4th child. Every single Mother’s Day, Christmas, birthday, Valentines I have asked for the same thing. I want a mug that matches the one I bought him when he became a dad, but I want the mum version. He always says he same thing: he wants me to buy it for myself, wrap it, and gift it to myself for him. I say no Inwant him to get it for me. And he says he doesn’t feel like it. Just typing it out makes me start crying. It’s just so effing hurtful. Yesterday, again, nothing. No help, no nothing. After I made breakfast he said he was going to go take a nap and said I should clear the table faster so perishables don’t spoil. I literally felt like I had a knife in my heart all day. I feel emotions very physically and it is like a very physical pain. It’s worse than labor. This year I tried to be honest about how hurt I was and how this is a big deal. Like, really big. He would seem to get it for a few seconds, but the second I act like I am feeling better because he is sorry and going to do better it instantly just becomes, “Great. We can forget about this now. I made some empty promises and that’s good enough and I’m going to do the exact same thing in future. Also a little joke/but not really joking about how it’s not a big deal and I was actually right to do nothing and you should be happy with nothing because I’m just such a great husband.” Anyway, after all the talk about how sorry he was and he’s going to make it up to me he comes home from work today and hadnt done anything to make it up. Then he complained that the potatoes would have tasted better cooked in the skins and started nearly yelling at me for not making homemade yogurt and accused me of spending all the money in his credit card, only to find out I hadn’t spent anything it was his own things that had taken a few days to go through. I’m looking at flights and am seriously considering just getting in a taxi and leaving him for a while until I cool down. I think I’ll go to Switzerland and actually spend some of the money on the credit card for once.

And I’ll smash his mug before I go and say now I won’t be needing that matching mug anymore.

The ironic thing is that I have a semi-stalker I have been trying to stop contacting me for 8 YEARS who always finds a way to message me happy Mother’s Day since he found out I’m married. I always block and report him for harassment and while very creepy and disgusting, in a twisted way it shows that when you care, you remember. He even used to buy me flowers every week. I never had to explain to him that women like flowers and being appreciated on Mother’s Day. Apparently he heard that himself at some point in his life.

I know what you mean op.

I've been split with my exh for 3 years and I often don't get anything from the kids facilitated by him, or if I do it's some pointless bath set that he's got cheap somewhere and the kids have no clue what it is. So 2 weeks ago I told him that if he was going to do something for MD then can he take the kids somewhere to pick something. It's not about the money. Anyway, to my surprise he stepped up and I got a couple of nice things even if they weren't what I would have chosen.

What did make me laugh is seeing a mumfluencer I follow on insta, post a reel about how she wanted a nice relaxing day but her day was full of feeding babies and other mum related tasks. She has a 3 year old and twin babies, I think she was being unrealistic to expect the whole day off!

It's never just about Mothers Day is it. Often it's just a bench mark to measure a relationship by/ expose the faultlines in a relationship. The tension is always with the partner and not with the children. Social Media has also made it very ott and performative and a whole day thing.

I had a nice day- despite having to be very explicit about what I really wanted (a lie in). Life is too short to lay traps for your partner. That said some of the men on here sound shit!

My DH always asks me what gifts I want and what I want to do, the he arranges everything. Ok, there are no surprises but we always have a really lovely time and I'm not disappointed.

Go to Switzerland and stay there. Your husband isn’t worth coming back for.

My husband took the next day off work to spend the day with us unprompted and I didn’t have to cook all day and he took me out to dinner. He said he knows this doesn’t count as Mother’s Day, but he’s sorry and we have the rest of our lives together and he’ll do better for all the years to come. And he ordered the mug and said he’s sorry it took so long.