Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To absolutely hate having people to stay overnight

22 replies

ThatPeachSnake · 10/03/2024 16:50

I live out in a 1 bedroom apartment with 1 bathroom. We are tight on space and my partner and I are incredibly busy with work and other commitments during the week. By the weekend, I want to have time to myself - I normally see a few friends and then have a night in with my DP. By Monday, I feel recharged.

whenever we’ve had to have people to stay, I find it exhausting - they completely take over our lounge (as there is no spare bedroom, they sleep there). Our kitchen and lounge one room and we have one bathroom. it’s just so awful to me.

DP’s friends and family have the expectation of staying with us, normally they just say ‘they are coming to visit’ rather than asking if it works for us.

I find it very strange that they’d want to stay in someone’s lounge for days on end with no privacy. These are not people who are stretched for money by any means - they can afford to go and stay in a hotel, going on multiple holidays a year and flying business class etc.

so, I have started saying no to DP and his friends and family. I want to put boundaries in place so we are not some kind of free hotel for all to stay at. However, I feel like a few odd comments here and there by his family that have nodded to us being rude/unwelcoming and a bit uptight.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Someonescatmum · 10/03/2024 16:51

Absolutely not. I couldn't do that. I also find having overnight guests intrusive and irritating, and we have a spare room.

Pigeonqueen · 10/03/2024 16:59

I would not and do not have people to stay. And we have a 3 bed semi. It’s just too intrusive and I find it uncomfortable. To be fair though we don’t actually have any family - dhs no contact with his and my Mum died years ago. But when I was married to my first dh I didn’t have any of his family to stay over either. It’s okay to say no. They can always stay in a cheap b and b.

SkaterGrrrrl · 10/03/2024 17:00

As an introvert who desperately needs quiet weekends to recover from working in a busy office, YANBU.

PleaseBeHappier · 10/03/2024 17:05

I don't mind having a guest overnight but I HATE it if they don't fuck off early the next day!

SeeYouInMyDreams · 10/03/2024 17:05

With one bedroom and one bathroom, I can’t blame you. Let them think you’re rude if they want to, as long as they’re not staying over.

Original poster

ThatPeachSnake · 10/03/2024 17:07

PleaseBeHappier · 10/03/2024 17:05

I don't mind having a guest overnight but I HATE it if they don't fuck off early the next day!

we had DP’s friend asking to stay with us for a week. He was working in a different time zone (so late into the night, from our lounge) and expected us to be ok with that when DP and I are up at 5 every morning!

Do people not realise how intrusive it is?

OP posts:

Springtime43 · 10/03/2024 17:10

Someonescatmum · 10/03/2024 16:51

Absolutely not. I couldn't do that. I also find having overnight guests intrusive and irritating, and we have a spare room.

This. I hate having someone else (apart from DH) being here when I just want to chill out and having to be “on” all the time is exhausting, particularly when I’m having breakfast

Hatty65 · 10/03/2024 17:12

I'd simply say firmly, 'You cannot stay with us. We do not have the room. You'll need to arrange a Premier Inn if you want to come visit'.

It's not hard. You've got a one bedroom apartment, ffs. You don't have room for people. You have to be clear. If people say, 'Oh we don't mind, we'll just crash on the sofa,' it's simple enough to say 'WE do. We don't want people crashing on our sofa. The flat is too small and you can't stay. End of'.

It's rude to invite yourself to someone's home when they clearly don't want you and don't have room for you.

BobbyBiscuits · 10/03/2024 17:14

You don't have the space. And who invites themselves to someone's house to stay? I hope if DH was encouraging it he's not any more.

If they want to visit, get a hotel, and Air B&B, sleep in a bloody bus garage...

You are 100% correct to disallow such things.

I hated it when one 'friend' used to want to stay at mine. The thing is they never asked directly, they just came round 'for a drink' quite late, then I ended up taking pity and letting them crash. Then I realised there was an odd smell in the room where they had slept. It turned out they were homeless and had been sleeping rough. I still didn't let them sleep over again. (This was a man btw). If it matters...It does because I would have had more sympathy for a woman but that's another story.

Original poster

ThatPeachSnake · 10/03/2024 17:14

Hatty65 · 10/03/2024 17:12

I'd simply say firmly, 'You cannot stay with us. We do not have the room. You'll need to arrange a Premier Inn if you want to come visit'.

It's rude to invite yourself to someone's home when they clearly don't want you and don't have room for you.

We have been so clear. We don’t have room. we firmly say no, but keep it polite.

the issue is their reactions - they seem taken aback that we are saying no. One friend even went off and told our other friends ‘he wasn’t allowed to stay with us’ at the pub. And everyone took pitty on him!

OP posts:

Madamqueenofeverything · 10/03/2024 17:15

You need to start saying no. That is my idea

Madamqueenofeverything · 10/03/2024 17:15

Hell

Springtime43 · 10/03/2024 17:17

It's rude to invite yourself to someone's home when they clearly don't want you and don't have room for you.

Its rude to invite yourself to someone else’s home full stop!

Baldieheid · 10/03/2024 17:21

I hate it, and we have a spare room. That spare room however is my office and where our 3 cats sleep at night and has never had a bed in it. We've got visitors coming for a total of 3 weeks and I'm dreading it.

Springtime43 · 10/03/2024 17:27

Baldieheid · 10/03/2024 17:21

That would be my idea of hell! Why can’t they stay in a hotel?

rookiemere · 10/03/2024 17:44

I really quite enjoy people staying for one or two nights, but more than that and I find it too much.
It's such a shame as my US relatives obviously need to visit for more than two nights, but don't take hints about us travelling together.

Legoninjago1 · 10/03/2024 17:54

It would be a hard no for me without a spare bedroom and bathroom!!

Sparticle · 10/03/2024 17:57

YADNBU. We have a spare room (my home office) and find it hard to have people stay over too. We had some wonderful Australian friends come and visit us over New Year but thankfully they love their own space too so booked an air B&B locally - they didn't even ask if they could stay so that was perfect.

SomersetTart · 10/03/2024 18:07

PleaseBeHappier · 10/03/2024 17:05

I don't mind having a guest overnight but I HATE it if they don't fuck off early the next day!

Thank goodness you said that. I thought it was just me!

bumblebutt28 · 10/03/2024 18:55

We have loads of space and I still hate it. I don't mind hosting things during the day or evening but then I just want people to go home. It's quite bad really because I don't even like dc having sleepovers and I know I need to make more effort to facilitate them. But my home is my safe space, I already have a non sleeping toddler and I just feel like my home isn't my own when people are here overnight.

With one bedroom and one bathroom yadnbu- why wouldn't they just book a travelodge?

Baldieheid · 10/03/2024 18:55

Springtime43 · 10/03/2024 17:27

That would be my idea of hell! Why can’t they stay in a hotel?

Show quote history

Elderly MIL, will be hanging around house all day so I'm going to work and leaving DH to it. I'm considering sleeping at work...

ohtowinthelottery · 10/03/2024 19:01

With your set up, noone would be staying for more than 1 night if it was me.
We've always had visitors, but we've always had a spare bedroom and now have a spare bathroom, so it's not a problem - other than catering for various food intolerances and having to wash all the bedding/towels - but then all our visitors reciprocate, so it balances out.
People wanting to stay in your living room for a week - including working from there - is definitely not on. If they're visiting for work presumably they can claim expenses from work, so they can stay in an hotel/apartment elsewhere.

Flip