To think son could have got me a Mother's Day card

[mumof4sweethearts]

Ds is 22 lives at home with 3 other siblings who all bought me flowers chocolate a nice meal and I won't lie I've been utterly spoiled.
Ds didn't bother again just said at 4pm oh yeah happy Mother's Day I couldn't get you anything because it's a Sunday.
He never actually bothers for anyone's birthday in the family.
Dh says we should stop bothering for his bday,
I'm starting to think he's right.

Please come back and update on his reaction on his birthday.

Your DH is spot on. Do the right thing for your son and teach him the Actions have Consequences life lesson.

Treat him as he treats his family. If he gets it he can be a better person.

Are his siblings all female? Or a mix?

How did you handle this when he was growing up. Did you teach him to think of others and give consequences when he didn’t bother for Xmas and birthdays? When he was an older teen, did you make expectations clear and teach him that he needs to think of others and treat them the way he wants to be treated? Or did you just not bother?

This is really shitty behaviour from your adult son, it's not difficult to get a card. He's a grown adult , for his next birthday don't get him anything , and if he questions it just simply say , oh I didn't think you were fussed about celebrating birthdays, Christmas etc

He needs clear instruction.

Your sisters birthday is coming up. It isn’t acceptable not to make some effort. A card is the absolute minimum requirement. This includes mothers day Father’s Day and everyone’s birthday. For the next 50 years. You’ve been a selfish twat for far too long. Obv I blame myself but now you know. Don’t let me down.

Just say a simple happy birthday at breakfast and leave him to wonder all day about his present.
I doubt he'd say anything but he'd definitely get thinking and if he did mention it I'd say oh I didn't think we did presents anymore as you didn't for us.

I definitely got all excited thinking it was an update from the OP with how her son reacted to his ignored birthday!

You should continue to buy him birthday cards and presents, you can't treat him differently to others. Your son has every right not to send cards etc for his siblings birthdays; he is treating everyone the same. Yes, it would have been nice to get a mother's day card from him but some things are best let go ( I talk from experience).

I wouldn't be a dick to my own kid by unexpectedly ignoring his birthday. I would ask him if he values birthdays and Christmas or would he like to opt out which means you don't buy him a present either. If he wants in then I'd make it clear he needs to reciprocate.

I think for his next birthday I would pretend I hadn’t bothered. Allow him to feel what it feels like, then at the end of the day give him his birthday card and present. Chat to him seriously the next day about how hurtful it feels to really have events ignored. If he went forwards continuing to not bother for other people birthdays etc, then he really wouldn’t get anything for the next birthday apart from maybe a card.

Then let him feel miffed

He's not a child.

Is he thoughtless in other ways?