WIBU to ask to change surgeon/consultant? Is it possible?

[ChangeTheChopper]

I have been put on the waiting list for a hysterectomy. It is (was) what I had wanted. (Never ending bleeding.)
However, I feel really, really uncomfortable with the consultant (I'll call him Mr Smith) that I saw for the following reasons (listing so not accused of drip feeding).

1. He rushed me through the consent process - not allowing me to ask any questions....just whizzed through the risks and got me to sign an online form I could not then read.
2. He said I should get my ovaries removed at the same time to reduce the risk of ovarian cancer....but a) no history of this at all in my family b) he did not mention that his would remove my body's ability to produce testosterone...thus impacting on my libido/sex life and c) NICE guideline say ovaries should only be removed if there is something amiss/wrong with them
3. He vaguely mentioned the risk of prolapse, but did not mention the risk of rectocele.
4. He would not even discuss me continuing progesterone after the hysterctomy, even though I feel better on it (sleep/anxiety) and my thyroid symptoms do not return.

But mostly
4) I saw the gynae team a few years back to have a mirena fitted. Having had severe issues previously having coils fitted (retrograde/retroverted uterus) I am an odd shape...it needs to be done with hysteroscopy. The hysterocscopy was booked. Mr Smith was the person I saw at the clinic (not a consultant at the time). I explained coils were tricky with me, hence the need for the camera. He did not listen to me one bit - just got me in stirrups, removed my old copper coil (which had moved, hence being replaced) and inserted the new one. And smugly said "there you go, all done, no need for the scope". Within 48 hour I was bleeding horrifically, and the coil spontaneously expelled. Not something I recommend. (I went back to see 2 further consultants, each higher level than Mr Smith, and neither of them could get it in me). Anyway.....the whole coil-with-Mr-Smith experience made me feel awful - like he had conducted a procedure on me that I did not consent to.

So, apologies for the length ^ but to explain why I feel very uncomfortable with Mr Smith going anywhere near me. He did not recognise me (just seemed very excited about his robotic surgery...was like a child rubbing their hands at getting the Xbox plugged in).

So would it be inappropriate to ask for another surgeon. I shudder at the thought of Mr Smith going near me. It makes me tearful.

Or should I just suck it up and be grateful for the NHS.

I am so confused.

Definitely ask for a different surgeon. You have no confidence in this one (totally understandably)if I had experienced all you have with this man - I wouldn’t let him make me a cup of tea, let alone do major surgery on me.

you need to go into surgery feeling confident and listened to.

don’t feel bad asking for someone else.

You do not have to use a surgeon you distrust. You can even request a female, though god knows if there are that many compared to men?
Speak to the team and just politely state you would like a different surgeon. I don't even think you need to give a reason, but if you do then of course mention the coil problem. It may delay the procedure a bit but it's worth it to feel confident.

Absolutely fine to request a different consultant/second opinion on what he has suggested. You need to feel comfortable with your surgeon and confident in him. Don't just think you should be grateful that there is a surgeon!

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. If you don't feel comfortable with him, nor 100% confident in his abilities (based on your past experiences), you'll feel even more anxious about the surgery. I've successfully requested a consultant change for one of my children in the past and it was fine. The one they were seeing was dreadful - it felt like I knew more about his condition and the need to act promptly in certain circumstances than the doc did. And that change saved the vision in my child's eye, ultimately. Go with you gut - and good luck!

Thank you for these messages...are actually making me well up a bit knowing I am not just being an ungrateful brat. I was almost talking myself out of having the procedure all together.

Honestly, "Mr Smith" (not his real name), in my experience, epitomises the awful misogyny that does exist in gynae. 2 other male consultant have been utterly fabulous (DC are a result of one of them...thanks to his medical help...not his fathering 😃). So not in the slightest bit bothered by having a male consultant. Just not this one.

Anyone know how I change? Do I need to speak to the department or go back to my GP?

You could go via Pals at the hospital and ask them, or even email the consultants secretary and ask how to go about it. You shouldn't need to go back to the GP

And honestly,I bet it isn't the first time they will have dealt with this request, so don't feel bad or uncomfortable about asking. You need to have faith in your treatment and be able to ask questions and understand the rationale for the suggestions.