Language tutor giving me the ick

[Spencer0220]

I'm not sure what to do here. I need some other women's advice.

I've been learning a European language for over a year. With online lessons 1:1 for the last 6 months or so. Not one of the big ones.

At Christmas, I had a horrible, unexpected, bereavement. In the new year, I messaged my tutor and told him that I'd had a bereavement and needed a break.

I've tried twice to go back, but I've not been well enough and had to stop again.

He messaged me last week, asking if I wanted to use a lesson just as friends to talk. I declined, because I felt awkward.

I'm due a lesson tomorrow and I have the massive ick. He's probably more than 10 years younger than me. But I can't help feeling he's somehow thinking this is more than it is? More than once he's said I'm his favourite student and he enjoys talking to me. This isn't the first time he's been gushing over how lovely I am.

I put a lot of independent work in to this, and practice every day. I avoid contact outside lessons unless vital.

What would you do? I'm tempted to cancel the lesson, delete my account on that platform. But I don't want to overreact. He's going to be devastated if I leave. Finding a tutor to replace him will be challenging, but not impossible.

DH says it's my choice.

Adding that he'd be willing to stay late another lesson to "make up" for our chat.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he might just be trying to hang onto his best customer? Sorry to hear of your bereavement.

This OP. It's very hard to assess.
However, this is a business relationship and his devastation isn't your issue. It looks like you're not in a good headspace for lessons anyway. Nothing wrong with stopping for a bit, then continuing with someone else.

That is pushing boundaries

I would find another tutor you can either be honest and tell him you feel uncomfortable through that shall probably lead to a discussion but one you do not need to add to or just lie and say you are no longer interested in studying.

This. It’s possible he’s just trying to keep a good client. It’s possible he’s fallen in love with you and kisses your comprehension exercises before he goes to bed. It’s possible he feels friendly towards you and is sad you’re feeling miserable since you lost someone. (I’ve become quite good friends with my male language tutor, and we occasionally go for a drink after class.)

Not your problem, either way. If you’re not up for classes now, just say so, and go elsewhere when you resume, if that’s what you prefer.

I'm a language tutor and I often tell my 1-1 students how much I've been looking forward to their lesson this week!

There's quite a high drop-out from 1-1 lessons, especially online, and it can be hard to go back after a break. Maybe he's trying to make it easier for you to come back and to spark your motivation. If one of mine has stopped attending I usually send an encouraging message. And it's online so realistically not much can happen.

However, you know how he is with you and if you feel uncomfortable, find someone else.

Tbh I'd assume he's saying what he thinks will get you coming back and carrying on spending your money
But if you feel it's more than that then just end the lessons. You don't owe him anything. He's providing a service. You can end that arrangement at any point (with whatever notice or fees if any are laid out in the agreement)

Online tutors only get a percentage of what you pay and need high volume for it to be a viable living. I’d imagine he’s a nice person who is also trying to hold on to a reliable client to maintain his roster of paying clients.

I think you are over thinking re the ick.

Some people are just kind and honest. Without knowing him it is really hard to tell. I don't think would be put off by it.