To feel the saddest and loneliest I have ever felt?

[Waterpark]

My teen DD says she ‘lost’ my presents with the money she was given to get me something. Found a vape in her bedroom this morning. She didn’t even bother to get up and say Mother’s Day

my own mother has given me a shopping list to get her today rather than going out as planned

none of my extended family bother with me

I feel like iv had enough of fighting and trying for people to care about me. I don’t know why my family don’t care when I try so hard. I can’t stop crying I feel the lowest i have ever felt and at a loss with everything.

I look at those nice Mother’s Day balloons or even a card and I just feel so sad I would love just one

I am sorry you feel bad about this... kids can be shits and so can Mums! Happy Mothers Day! you probably have more people thinking about you than you realise.

OP put your own oxygen mask on first. Do something for yourself today.

Teens can be assholes at times.

Choose something for yourself to do today, even if it's a cup of tea, biscuit, read a book, for example.

Noone can need you so immediately that you have to stop this time for yourself, if they say they do, put it back to them, "I hear you wanted me to do x immediately. I was having a cup of tea, biscuits, reading at the time. Try for yourself, or if not, wait until I have finished."

Try doing one thing that's entirely for you, don't justify, don't explain. Try to be less "available" when they demand stuff and don't give you any respect.

As for the vape, I'd destroy it, bin it, hold her to account for the money, sanction her. She might shout and scream, but they're only words, she has to learn you aren't going through put up with this behaviour towards you.

Take yourself out somewhere nice for lunch. Do nothing for your daughter today, do not cook for her or anything.

That does sound shitty op.
as pp said do something just for you - maybe you can get yourself a nice takeaway and she can sort herself out -
and agree with pp - that vape needs to go.

I just came here, after not logging in for years, and saw your message. I'm so sorry you feel that way. Teenagers brains are a bit different I think with all their pathways reforming and that can make them insensitive, thoughtless etc. It would be nice for you to have had some special attention on mother's day but it's just a day like any other. Maybe next year, take the money yourself and go and do something nice for you and just ignore the lot of them. Personally, I don't care about mother's day but if you do, you deserve to feel good. Go for a walk or something right now to try to expel some of those low feelings. Let them sort themselves out today xx

Exactly. Prioritise yourself. Stop dashing about breathlessly catering to others. Stop giving disproportionately to relationships that aren’t nourishing. (Not including the teenager in that — being a horror goes with the territory at times.)

Yes this!

I promise you in a few years your daughter will look back at her teenage self and cringe.

When I think of my sons as teenagers, compared to them now. Two different sets of people.

Oh that is shit. I'm assuming it is mothers day in the UK? Happy Mothers Day Op 💐

Stuff your family for today. Teenagers can be selfish asses at the best of times. I totally agree with the other poster about destroying the vape. I would wait until tomorrow to hold her to account though.

Remove as much stress as you can for today and do something nice to treat yourself. Tomorrow let your daughter know how much her actions have hurt you and give her some stern consequences for both the vape and the misappropriation of the money.

Thank you. I’m sat here reading all your messages just crying. I can’t understand how I have got to this point . I know that deep down my dd loves me and her head is in the clouds at the moment. I don’t think I’d be bothered if everything else wasn’t bothering me at the moment. Just feel like I’m completely unlovable and have no one and not sure how to turn it all around. I have put so much into being a mum, carving a career and the house that I don’t have a social life anymore and I don’t see any way of having one right now. DD is 13 and struggling I can’t leave her to her own devices or alone for a night out

Teenagers can be little shits! Do something you’d like to do, take yourself to a nice cafe for tea and cakes or a nice wonder round the shops. If you can’t do it today then take a day off in the week, let people look after themselves for a bit while you treat yourself. Today can be tough for lots of reasons, it’s one day and you’ll be okay 🌺focus on yourself, sometimes we have to be our own best friend when other people are being crap

You're not alone, though it feels it. There are mothers all over the country feeling sad, lonely and disappointed today. My ds16 ranted and shouted at me first thing because his brother ate a pizza that he had earmarked for himself. Then when I told him off for putting that on me on Mother's day he ripped up the card he was going to give me in front of me. I have to admit that I lost my shit at that point and wasn't very pleasant in my reply.
I'm sorry OP. It's a thankless task sometimes and honestly sometimes it's just the solidarity of other mothers/women that gets me through. Plus doing nice things for myself, as previous posters suggest. If they don't value you then you have to try to keep valuing yourself.

Some people cannot muster bravery to exude their true emotions on festivals like that. May be she loves you ....a bit cringeworthy to say : she loves you in her own way....i get lots of attention and we are very small family , we socialise only as a family, so all life is lived out of job or school just us......may be your daughter has her mates problems on her mind or is a bit preoccupied with random stuff....why don't you inquire how is she, is everything ok, why does she vape. I mean, is vaping legal for teens?

When something like that tries to bother me , I honestly, try to brainstorm at least 5 more ideas around the whole topic and include more options for thought, rather than just accepting that single negative emotion ....it is not healthy for you

do you have a partner op?

Your mothers list can wait until tomorrow. Go out, take a book and get a coffee. Treat yourself and take it easy.

Have you told your DD how unimpressed you are. Ask for the money back.
I hate it when awful, selfish behaviour is excused as ‘typical teenage’ behaviour. When someone give you money to buy a gift for someone and you spend it on vapes instead that is not ‘head in the clouds’ that’s stealing.
My Dd would be getting a boot up the bum if she ever did anything like this.
I can’t believe how many people put up with this.
I don’t want to make you feel worse but it’s not typical behaviour for the teens I know.
Don’t be sad, be angry.

I understand how you feel I think. It’s that feeling, ‘ who is here for me?’

You put so much into other people, yet who is caring for you?

It is a lonely feeling.

This is interesting. Can you give an example of this to illustrate how it works?

I'm a lone parent OP and I know how relentless this feels sometimes.

You've done all the right things and sometimes the return feels minimal.

I meant what I said up thread.

Own oxygen mask first.

Go for a walk do something for you.

She's 13 she will be ok for an hour. Or you can tell her she's coming with you for a walk/coffee.

Try not to take it personally. Most teens are self absorbed at that age. I would be surprised if she doesn’t love you very much. People take things out on the people they can rely on to love them regardless. She knows you’ll always love her and be there for her regardless.

Having said that, some of the people I’ve known who have always put themselves last with their kids, have ended up with adult kids that lack respect for them. I think it’s because they’ve never put themselves first. They’ve ignored their own needs out of love for their kids and the kids never learn to respect that their parent is someone whose needs should also considered. In other words they’ve been too nice.

Make sure you show dd you love her and will do things for her. But also insist on putting yourself first sometimes.

Make sure that dd knows you are upset and disappointed. Don’t hide it but don’t be angry. Calm conversation. Give her some money if you need to and tell her to make amends by going and buying a cheap bunch of daffs. Or ask her what she will do to make today special for you in a cheap/ free way. Ask her how she’d feel if you failed to mark her birthday or other special occasion. Tell her it’s not the cost or what it actually is. It’s the thought behind it.

Show her how to respect others by respecting yourself first. If you don’t respect yourself and your needs, why should anyone else respect you? Use this as a learning opportunity. Don’t be angry or the message won’t get across.

Like wise with your mum. Don’t run about pleasing her all the time without insisting that you get similar treatment back.

And this is what makes you a brilliant mum, you don't need a card to tell you that. You know your DD is struggling so can't leave her. Honestly when she's older with children she will totally understand your sacrifices. I didnt realise until my mum died and I became a parent everything she had done - I lost her at 19 so never got to say sorry for being an arsehole.

Treat yourself to something nice, step away from social media and all the boosting and know you are appreciated even if it doesn't feel that way.

Thank you everyone. It’s helped me reading your replies. I think this is just a hard time.
dd is adamant she didn’t use the money for a vape but who knows. She knows I’m not happy.
she is trying to make an effort now so iv had a secret cry and will pull my big girl pants on and try and have a nice time.

I like this.

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

So bloody true.