Hate the perfume bought. Do I keep quiet or go for the bad feeling.

[Perfumewoes]

Boyfriend bought me a perfume for valentines. I wore it last night again as we went out. I hate it. It’s too strong for me and makes me feel sick. I can still smell it now lingering.

This isn’t unusual with me. I bought a very expensive bottle of one I thought I liked. Similar issues. The lingering smell makes me nauseous.

He knows this. He knows I only wear a couple of scents. He knows I wanted my main scent. I gave him enough hints. I said the local Boots don’t stock it. I even told him I struggle with new scents especially heavy ones.

So for valentines I was surprised to find a totally different perfume to what I’d normally wear and he said I saw it in boots on display and thought you’d like it. I said what does it smell like. I don’t know didn’t spray it.

After wearing it last night and feeling nauseous all night I’m not wearing it again. He’ll be annoyed at this but actually I’m annoyed that he bought me it. Treats are rare for me. Just follow the hints and respect what I like. No need to go rogue and totally thoughtless anyway as didn’t even try it!

He took the lazy option. No thought went into it so I would be honest. He knows you don't like lots of scents. He totally ignored what he knows about you and it shows zero consideration or care

Tell him you appreciate the gesture but you're finding as you get older certain fragrances make you feel sick/bring on migraines/insert symptoms of choice and sadly this is one of them. Suggest if he wants to buy perfume he sticks to your safe scents.

Yeah that's laziness and he didn't listen to you at all. But it's a red flag that he will be annoyed at you!!

you need to tell him, in case he thinks you like it and carrys on buying it for you

Why would you wear something that you don’t like?
Stick it on vinted and buy one that you like. If he complains buy him some old spice.

I think you need to say something. Perfume is so personal, if someone's buying it for someone else, they need to know they like it!

I gave away practically full bottle of La Vie est Belle, as I don't like it, and it gives me a headache.

Yes that's annoying. Sounds like he only went to Boots and as they don't sell yours just picked one up and hoped for the best.

At the end of the day though its just a little gesture for Valentines day and you could have liked it and found yourself a new perfume. You didn't so I'd just let him know it gives you a headache and sell it on Ebay and put the money towards the one you want. Which perfume was it?

If he wasn't able to get it locally, then he quite clearly CBA to order online and in advance (because that would take time, thought and planning) but fobbed you off with something he could get locally and "thought" you'd like it. Even though you've told him you have a very limited number of scents you can wear. It's the thought that counts OP, especially when it's missing.

You have a voice.
Use it.
"I don't think I will use this perfume again. It's really strong and made me queasy. I think I will stick with X because I like that one".
People will often be happy to buy opened perfumes so sell it and go and buy the one you like.
If he gets angry in any way about you doing that - then the relationship needs to end.
It's perfume. It shouldn't be a big deal.

@BatshitCrazyWoman yep that’s one of the ones that I’ve got here.

Thank you all for confirming I’m not ungrateful but also I’m not wrong to be thinking no real thought and care went into it in the first place. It was the same with my Christmas present. Totally not my style. I’d even suggested the place he could go where I’d like anything….. he didn’t bother.

The problem is he gets keen to see me wear/use these things yet they don’t bring me joy and I’m actually really laid back and easy to please normally!!

I’d sell it and put the money towards the one I do like.

But also I’d be reevaluating the relationship: it doesn’t sound like he listens to you or puts any real care and consideration into gifts. Has he got other good qualities that outweigh that? I’d find it very hurtful, really.

Does it sound stupid that I’m reconsidering the whole relationship cos of this.

He’s just about being on same wave length isn’t it in terms if effort, care and consideration.

These things were not cheap. In some ways I think it’s a case of I’ve spent a decent amount so I’ve done good going through his head instead of thinking will she like it.

He needs to stop being keen for you to wear things he knows you didn't ask for. Sell it, give it away. But tell him it was a nice gesture, but next time I only wear x. Spend no effort on a gift, sure, but then don't get the hump when the person doesn't treasure it like the crown jewels!

Don't change a thing about yourself for anyone else. Don't wear stuff you dislike.

Sell the perfume and Christmas gifts you hate. Spend the money on what you really want.

Frankly, I'd be very clear with him that if he cannot be bothered to buy you what you love, want or need, then just buy a gift voucher.

He knows I only wear a couple of scents. He knows I wanted my main scent. I gave him enough hints. I said the local Boots don’t stock it. I even told him I struggle with new scents especially heavy ones.

So for valentines I was surprised to find a totally different perfume to what I’d normally wear and he said I saw it in boots on display and thought you’d like it. I said what does it smell like. I don’t know didn’t spray it.

All of this is just sounds like crackly feedback to most men. You may as well have been speaking Russian through one of those PA systems that makes everything sound unintelligable. The only bit his man brain will have comprehended were the words 'Boots. Scent.'

So he went to Boots and bought scent. He bought the first scent he saw because it was there staring him in the face and he liked the colour of the bottle and to think about it any harder than that was beyond his capabilities. The fact that he didn't even use a tester to see if he liked it, tells you all you need to know here.

Next time don't drop hints. Send him a screen shot with exactly what you want, the price and the exact place he can find it. Or ask for a voucher.

I think the fact you're reconsidering it over this means you're not that into him and let him go.

I explicitly told DP which perfume I wanted for Christmas one year and he went and bought a variation of it. A large bottle. Apparently he got confused!!!!!

I sprayed it on myself and had this huge reaction. I couldn’t get it off my skin quick enough! It smelt horrible and made me feel nauseous.

I was never going to wear it so threw it away. I couldn’t bear to give it to a friend either as I didn’t want to ever smell it on them!

In your shoes, OP be honest. Say you tried it but the smell makes you feel sick/gives you a headache. Don’t use something you don’t like to please others. You told him what you liked, he ignored it so this is the consequence.

'I've really tried to like the perfume that you bought me but it is a very heavy fragrance that is difficult to wear without getting a headache. That's why I told you that I find strong fragrances unbearable and suffer with a headache as a result and stick to the one I love and always buy.'

If he gets the hump then dump him.

Could it be just the cherry on the top of a relationship that generally isn't good?

All of this is just sounds like crackly feedback to most men. You may as well have been speaking Russian through one of those PA systems that makes everything sound unintelligable. The only bit his man brain will have comprehended were the words 'Boots. Scent.'

This! 😂
My DH of 30 years has always been terrible at gifts and is guaranteed to get it wrong, even with instructions. These days I just show him a photo or literally point at it

Perfume is such a personal thing though. My eldest DS (who usually buys lovely gifts) bought me a very expensive bottle from Penhaligons. Unfortunately I hate it, and feel very guilty that I’ve never worn it.

The problem is he gets keen to see me wear/use these things yet they don’t bring me joy

This is the real problem
This is why you should be reconsidering this relationship
He should want to bring you joy and get you things that do
Does he just want to see you display things he has got you whether or not you like them? If so it’s all about him and his ego and that’s why he buys them
If he goes off when you say quite simply “thank you for the perfume but the scent is too strong for me” then that is a problem. He should want to understand what you like.
It’s hard to know if he was lazy and thoughtless or just got it wrong, but these other things are red flags 🚩 It’s not really about one bottle of perfume

A previous dp asked me which Chanel perfume I would like for a birthday. (I now know to pick up on red flags, but that is a whole other thread). I love Chance and have the original and one flanker. I didn't have the 3rd one (eau fraiche). I say no need to go all extravagant as we hadn't been dating long, but he was being insistent. So I thought ok, well I do love that one and don't have it, so...

I say which one would be lovely as I already have the other two.
I say it is a different colour from the normal Chance.
I say it has the writing saying Eau Fraiche on the box.
I send a picture of it with an arrow showing Eau Fraiche.

Birthday comes around. Opened the gift in the Chanel bag. What is inside. The normal Chance which I already have a bottle of.

He bought it at duty free so couldn't change it.

Honestly, it's infuriating.

We are no longer together but this was just the icing on the cake of other issues.

He buys what’s easy for him. It’s weird AF that he didn’t even smell it.

It’s because he doesn’t actually care what you want, he just wants to tick the box that he’s got you something. And what you’d actually asked for was way too much effort and he couldn’t be fucked.

Thanks all. You are right is about the ticking boxes and lack of real effort. Plus the just not listening to me.

im not controlling, there are lots of things he could do as a surprise but this thing was not where the surprise needed to be.

There are other things that are icking me at the mo. But more so since this latest thing!

Can’t sell on vinted or eBay as it is used. Will gift to a friend with strict instructions not to wear purposefully when around me. I did gift a scent once years ago and my friend loves it. She then wore it every time she saw me and it made me feel sick. It has since become her scent! She loves it. Me not!

As for him I mentioned it via message and he said Sorry that happens when you try a new brand. He wasn’t getting it so later I talked it through on phone. I don’t think he gets it though. Tbh he doesn’t get a lot of stuff.