Is this normal ? Financial - H behaviour

[flabj]

H is being gifted some money by family and has decided to open up a company with family to invest the money in certain things. I don't want to be too specific.

I'm not part of that company etc and was fine with this.

I've recently found out that a huge proportion of his salary will now also flow into the company in order to be able to keep making investments with said company.

Am I overreacting to think this is a bit off ?

I didn't mind the gifts / inheritance, but surely the salary is a stretch too far and should be our money ?

I also work etc but just worried about this and being kind of frozen out.

Or is this just normal and absolutely fine ?

Thanks for advice.

Where I think he’s wrong is in not being totally transparent with you.

Yes, he’s protecting family money in the event of a split. That doesn’t mean he anticipates a split, any more than putting on a seat belt means you anticipate getting into a car crash. It’s very normal in families that have wealth and assets, and is to preserve generational wealth and keep it generational. My husband and I have joint accounts and investments, but we also have non matrimonial ones. We speak openly about our financial setup though, and no one gets angry if there’s a question.

You deserve to be heard, and I don’t think requesting financial security in the event of something happening to him is unreasonable. Again, my husband and I have both made provision for the other, despite having our own assets. The ability to do that and not significantly impact the growth of the company and wealth does depend on the figures involved, however.

I really would recommend sitting down with a third party and getting a clear picture.

May I suggest gently OP, than you comment that you (individually) needed legal advice was a bit of a misstep? It's sets it up as adversial, and sounds like the first step of a divorce.

You (as a couple) need legal advice to a ensure that this deal and company is structured in the best way for all parties.

I get it but be said ' people have doubts ' about me and that's why they did it. When I initially got a bit upset about it.

If this salary money is his “savings” money then how is he going to contribute to big things like holidays or a big car bill? Is he just expecting you to cover that because all your money basically is family money?
Surely the only salary money he should be investing is his spending money - the money which is left after all bills and some family savings is covered.
I think you should offer to invest some of your money in order to be a shareholder as well. You are then able to benefit from the business in the same way as the other people involved.

I would tell him you will only agree if he offers full transparency, and you get independent legal advice that he pays for.

All money that he puts in is ring fenced or staircases his share % and is jointly owned by you both.

He absolutely should not be diverting funds away from you and himself in this way. On the face of it it sounds just like he is using his parents as a shield to keep a running away fund separate from you.

@flabj
this is serious and I would seek independent financial legal advice on how you can be protected through this.
your husband should include you in all discussions and the fact he hasn’t is a huge concern.
m that aside you need to ensure assets are protected for you and one way may be to ensure that his parents share goes to you on death/withdrawal from company as well as having your husbands share if he dies.
But tell your husband your very valid concerns and that you need to seek advice to protect yourself.

Divert an equal amount of my ney he puts into this family company into as limited company you set up for yourself to buy something. Otherwise if you split the assets in his family company won't be included in divorce deal. Or try asking him to put more of your house in your name in tenants in common.

OK, I'm really sorry if I've missed that earlier. The "people have doubts comment" is a massive issue in its own right and you need to get to the bottom of that. And I retract my previous comment, by saying that he has made it adversial, not you.

Is it a SIPP? DH has a joint SIPP with his parents and brother, it's all above board and there are strict rules about what can be done with the money and what happens when people have to take money out or die ( I'm a beneficiary).
If it's a SIPP that might explain why your DH is paying in from income.
You still should have been involved/ had things explained properly to you but it might not be as irregular as it seems.

Hang on a minute, so your finances aren't shared, you're paying more than you proportionately should to enable him to save, while I'm betting doing the lion's share of the domestic labour, and he wants to take the savings he's making as a result of your sacrifices out of any contention for reasonable transparency/disclosure in the event of a split to feather his own nest?

He's not treating you well in the setup you have now, and you think it will improve with an additional layer of financial control?

And he's getting angry at you for raising concerns or having questions?

I would not have that in a million years OP.

Sounds like he is making a plan to gradually screw you over. Once he 'ties' it up to the business, there's a long and complicated process too should you separate. Do you trust him generally. Someone who is a good and loving partner would just not make these decisions without even consulting their partner.

Stop paying for everything at home.

Tell him you want to save as much in your name every month as he does and you want it backdated. So you can invest in yourself to make things equal.

It doesn’t need to be that way - it depends what they set out in a Shareholders Agreement between them, they could choose to agree contractually between them that his shares can go to you, it’s not unusual to provide for spouses that are not shareholders to have trump preemption rights that would otherwise kick in for the other shareholders. That’s what you need to ask for, you may not be a shareholder in the company but your husbands shares in it are an asset of his, and by extension and asset within your marriage. Then can provide to disapply default company provisions so that it’s not blocked

Does your husband have siblings? You're worried about what would happen if your husband died but what are the arrangements if his parents die?

The problem is not really the salary or the company - it is your husband’s attitude and refusal to answer questions or explain. This raises the red flags for me. If he isn’t prepared to share his financials with you, for many this would be a make or break situation.

He sounds like he doesn’t have a scooby what he’s doing. I hope it is legally tied up tight.

Are you sure it isn't an inheritance tax planning vehicle between him and his parents?

But OP doesn’t earn as much as her husband, so she’ll never be able to do that.

I get it but be said ' people have doubts ' about me and that's why they did it

Fucking hell. He sounds like a cunt. He helps himself to all your money, but him and his parents have taken extravagant steps to keep ‘his’ money away from you and your family?

OP, you need to actually get him to explain exactly what’s happening here.
Ignore the hysterical hypocrisy running rampant (as every thread where things are flipped around has the usual MN cries of ‘set up a secret savings account just in case) and actually try to understand what the fund / company is.

Ultimately if you don’t have shared finances he can choose what he does with his leftover money, as can you with yours. If you’re not happy with that and want to merge everything, that’s a separate conversation.

WTF he said 'people have doubts ' about me and that's why they did it. ???

That is outrageous! So basically his parents, and perhaps other relatives, don’t trust you? And he’s going along with that presumably because he doesn’t trust you either.

OP, that is a massive insult and a serious problem in your relationship.

Do please get legal advice. You have been too generous.

tight with money, tight with love

how is he when it comes to buying things for the house/kids/you etc

You are being completely reasonable. The points you’ve made here that you do all these things to support him that enables him to earn this money and save it are 100% correct and reasonable.

I assume you are married? In which case there is no “his money” and “your money”. There is your joint, family money

You absolutely reasonable to ask what would happen if he died or left you. If the answer is it goes to his parents that’s not OK

that comment about people having doubts about you is a massive red flag that makes me suspicious this is being done on purpose to shelter his money from you in event of divorce or death

you need your own legal and financial advice on this with someone appointed to act for YOU and not just for HIM. That is reasonable to ask.

I think there is also a wider conversation about his attitude to what should be your joint income and savings as a married couple. It sounds like it might be quite “what’s yours in mine and what’s mine is mine” on his part. In which case you need to get things set up differently so you are protected .

It sounds as though your in-laws have set up a family trust with your husband. They are all trustees of the trust and get to decide how assets and profits are allocated. Your DH, by the sounds of it, is choosing to invest in shares through this trust. This essentially means the assets will be protected in the event of a divorce.

Time for an honest assessment of your relationship and an open conversation on the impact to your family.

@flabj You need to approach this from a different perspective.

Start by drawing up a family budget for the whole year include absolutely everything e.g. presents, food, holidays etc. Divide by 12 and agree this is the sum that goes into a joint account each month. Agree what proportion you both contribute to this account it could be 50:50 or % based on earnings.

The rest of your respective salaries are yours to do with as you wish. Make sure you use the joint account for all family expenses. This way he is contributing fairly to the shared expenses.

Get legal advice (no need to tell him before hand) on how you can protect your savings. As you say, in the event of divorce your savings are part of the joint pot but his are not. I don’t know the answer but could you have a deed of trust or a post nup agreement or even set up your own business - it can be very small but you use it to hold your savings so they too are in a company? Note you may need a will too.

I suspect if you tell him you are going to set up your own company and do the same with your savings he might suddenly get it.