I don’t feel this way about being a mother

Wellnotme · 2024-03-10T01:05:16+00:00

I saw this quote posted on social media (Millie Mackintosh) ahead of Mother’s Day. “Becoming a mother leaves no woman as it found her. It unravels and rebuilds her. It cracks her open, takes her to her edges. It's both beautiful and brutal, often at the same time” A lot the mums I know have liked it but I just really don’t feel that way. I love my child so much but I still feel like me. Lots of talk about not recognising yourself, rebuilding yourself etc. I think perhaps I am a shallow person that just doesn’t feel too deeply? Or I am missing a maternal gene / don’t love my child as much as others. I am still the same person, I still care about all the same stuff (just have less time for them). YANBU - this is normal YABU - I feel like a different person now

Untethered · 10/03/2024 01:07

No, I suspect you are just a sensible person who doesn’t go in for hyperbole.

I find that quote really cringeworthy, who talks like that 😂

NotCute · 10/03/2024 01:07

Nah you're good.

Motherhood gave me crushing anxiety and other than that I'm the same old me.

Some women are just performative, especially on SM.

JaneJeffer · 10/03/2024 01:07

It cracks her open
Yeah I've got the scars to prove it

Original poster

Wellnotme · 10/03/2024 01:08

JaneJeffer · 10/03/2024 01:07

It cracks her open
Yeah I've got the scars to prove it

Good point, me too!

OP posts:

DetOliviaBenson · 10/03/2024 01:13

It cracks her open, takes her to her edges.

I can identify with that. It took me until my youngest was well into secondary school before I began to feel like myself again. It had been so long that I hadn't realised how much I'd changed until I started to feel like me again.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 10/03/2024 01:14

I feel the same as you. I always expected becoming a mother to change me in some way. I think I thought it would force me to be a proper grown up with everything under control. That didn’t happen. I still have the same struggles and insecurities as I always did. I love my baby more than anything but I still feel like the same person as before, except now I have a child to look after and no time to myself.

NewbieParentMango · 10/03/2024 01:17

Yes I was expecting to feel a lot worse about myself based on social media but I am fine. I am definitely still me and I don't feel broken or anything like that (tired yes!)

I do make sure I prioritise things that mean a lot to me in my small breaks (when dp takes baby or baby is asleep) so that means showering everyday, speaking with my friends etc .

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/03/2024 01:21

I never stopped feeling like me either.

Being a mother has enriched my life beyond measure, but it hasn't changed who I am.

Perhaps it changes people more if they have kids very young? That is, before they really know who they are?

Or perhaps it has a bigger impact on certain personality types? E.g. people who are totally wrapped up in themselves before kids and suddenly have to start thinking about other people for the first time?

I don't really know what she's talking about tbh. To me, it sounds like one of those quotes where someone has strung together a bunch of words that sound good but don't actually mean much at all when you stop to think about it.

Gowlett · 10/03/2024 01:21

I think the same as you. I don’t feel that having a child has changed me / my life. Life is as it was, but now just with a child. Which is brilliant, and I love him. But I haven’t had an awakening…

Cuckoochanel80 · 10/03/2024 01:24

I don't read it as it means she lost herself but rather it changed all aspects of her, the unravelling being the introspection you do as a parent and how it challenges who you are as a person sometimes and takes you to places you didn't go before. Or to have experiences you didn't expect...or maybe it's just me

LargeSquareRock · 10/03/2024 01:31

I don’t get quotes like this either. I still feel exactly like me.

I also don’t get the narrative that motherhood will be the biggest shock to your system and that it is impossible to describe how your life will change.

It seemed simple to me when pregnant- I expected to be really tired, have a lot less time to myself and have to do different types of holidays and outings. This is exactly how it was so no shock at all. Yet I have friends who were floored by the above when they had their babies.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/03/2024 01:33

Cuckoochanel80 · 10/03/2024 01:24

I don't read it as it means she lost herself but rather it changed all aspects of her, the unravelling being the introspection you do as a parent and how it challenges who you are as a person sometimes and takes you to places you didn't go before. Or to have experiences you didn't expect...or maybe it's just me

Maybe it depends on life experiences and how much you've been challenged before you have dc?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/03/2024 01:36

LargeSquareRock · 10/03/2024 01:31

I don’t get quotes like this either. I still feel exactly like me.

I also don’t get the narrative that motherhood will be the biggest shock to your system and that it is impossible to describe how your life will change.

It seemed simple to me when pregnant- I expected to be really tired, have a lot less time to myself and have to do different types of holidays and outings. This is exactly how it was so no shock at all. Yet I have friends who were floored by the above when they had their babies.

Yeah, my oldest friend had a baby 6 months before I had dd, and I remember her saying that nothing can prepare you for the shock that hits you when you become a parent. I never really understood that personally...

I guess everyone experiences life differently and motherhood is no exception. There isn't really a right or wrong way to feel!

MsCactus · 10/03/2024 03:07

I always expected motherhood to change me - and it didn't. I'm exactly the same, but I do have an intense, nurturing love for my daughter that I didn't know I was capable of. So I guess in that way I'm different.

The rest of me is the same. I still feel completely like me, and I find these type of quotes strange tbh

MsCactus · 10/03/2024 03:09

LargeSquareRock · 10/03/2024 01:31

I don’t get quotes like this either. I still feel exactly like me.

I also don’t get the narrative that motherhood will be the biggest shock to your system and that it is impossible to describe how your life will change.

It seemed simple to me when pregnant- I expected to be really tired, have a lot less time to myself and have to do different types of holidays and outings. This is exactly how it was so no shock at all. Yet I have friends who were floored by the above when they had their babies.

Agree with this too. I didn't find motherhood to be a shock to the system, it was actually a LOT easier and more natural/intuitive than I was expecting

MsCactus · 10/03/2024 03:11

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/03/2024 01:33

Maybe it depends on life experiences and how much you've been challenged before you have dc?

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I do wonder this. I worked an intense, high-pressure job with a lot of difficulties before having my daughter (not in that job anymore, thank God). Maternity leave was so easy and lovely by comparison. I slept more on mat leave than when I was stressed out from work, so sleep wasn't an issue either as I was used to less...