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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel that I don't deserve mother's day?

12 replies

Humblechicken · 09/03/2024 23:04

Does anyone else feel the same? I just feel like their Dad does so much more for them and I do the bare minimum. He does most of the getting them ready for school, almost half the school runs, makes the packed lunches, nearly all the the washing up, half of the cooking and nearly all the getting ready for bed and cleaning down the kitchen. He cleans the bathroom most weeks. I do the washing and the hoovering but he'll do that too if I ask. Dusting is another shared chore.

I do work but only 15 hours a week term time and he is full time. He has the children when they are sick as working in a school means I can't really take the day off. I guess I'm depressed, which is another thread but it's too late to change my previous actions and right now I'm just thinking that I don't deserve to be looked after tomorrow.

OP posts:
NCA24 · 09/03/2024 23:12

I couldn't read this and not say anything. Of course you deserve to be celebrated - tomorrow is Mother's Day and you're a mum. Life isn't a competition and your kids will love you whatever and whenever. Make sure you enjoy tomorrow xx

Crackermuncher · 09/03/2024 23:12

Well it isn’t celebrate who does the most chores day is it?
Over the course of parenting , for various reasons, one parent usually has to pick up the slack of the other at different points.

PonyPatter44 · 09/03/2024 23:15

Of course you deserve it. If you're not very well at this time, even more reason for your family to make an effort to remind you that you're loved and valued.

Scottishskifun · 09/03/2024 23:18

Of course you deserve mothers day and other posters and right it's not a competition.

I get your feelings though my DH also does a lot including the getting ready etc but you probably do a lot of the mental load as well without realising it. Don't be harsh on yourself.

KattyBoomBoom95 · 09/03/2024 23:21

But he can be celebrated on Father's Day. You do deserve recognition and the fact you've identified/are bothered about the things you've mentioned means you can change them. A bad mum probs wouldn't give a shit or even be aware.

WhateverMate · 09/03/2024 23:24

No different to a lot of Dads who still get spoiled on Father's Day 🤷‍♀️

Screamingabdabz · 09/03/2024 23:27

A significant proportion of dads are entirely shit but their kids still love them. It’s not about what you do, it’s about how much you love your children in the best capacity you are able to. Give your guilt a day off and look at the smiles on your children’s faces when they spoil you. You do deserve it. 💐

Cornishclio · 09/03/2024 23:28

You gave birth to them so for that alone you deserve to be celebrated.

ScoobyBooby · 09/03/2024 23:46

In their eyes your everything to them . Their whole world and they love you immensely that’s to be celebrated .

They don’t care who does what. Please don’t be too hard on yourself . Enjoy the day with your children x

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 09/03/2024 23:53

Oh mate, I've been there. Depression is shite. Sounds like you have a fabulous husband. Doesn't mean you aren't amazing and to your kids you are so special. 🎉

Humblechicken · 09/03/2024 23:57

Thank you, I just came back on thinking I shouldn't have posted on AIBU as I'm going to get torn apart for being so lazy. I know there are things I do for them that he doesn't and that I do love them and they love me. But can't shake the hopeless feelings around the majority of the chores and the child wrangling being down to their Dad. I know I want to change but don't know how to get there. It's mainly in the house I'm depressed- I do go out with them (not as much as I feel we could and then it makes me think I'm lazy because it mostly housework I can't do) but it's like a weights lifted when I can't see everything that needs doing. When I'm at home I'm too overwhelmed to start anything. Anyway I really appreciate these messages, and I will enjoy my breakfast in bed tomorrow.

OP posts:
Gowlett · 10/03/2024 00:02

I felt the same way earlier today, for different reasons. My DS just couldn’t get to sleep (takes ages to get to sleep anyway, he loves messing about, hearing stories etc) & was being super loud, hyper & bloody annoying. I was so tired… When he eventually ran out of steam, I felt so bad for being mad at him. I felt I don’t deserve Mothers Day. But we do, actually!

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