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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell family I'm stepping back from funeral

2 replies

Brendy76 · 09/03/2024 22:57

For background, I am the youngest in my family. I'm actually an only child but my mum and dad passed away first (10 years ago) and I arranged both funerals which although devastating was something I knew only I could do.

3 months later my gran died and again it was left to me, even though there were 4 of her own children to do this. These deaths left me devastated and I ended up going no contact with my dad's side completely due to their conduct (or lack thereof).

I have rebuilt my life into something wonderful, 3 beautiful children I never thought I could have and a good husband (more on him later when he's not so good).

Fast forward to last year, and the man who was like a brother to me, mum's wee brother passed away so suddenly that we were all left shocked, but his wife asked me to help her young son organise things as he wanted to step up, completely understandably and I did.

This past fortnight another member of the same family passed away, in quite difficult circumstances, police are involved and it's highly likely an investigation may take place. There is now only me and 1 aunt left and she just expected me to deal with all the issues involved which I did as I loved this family member very much. The only thing I asked was that she didn't gossip to anyone outside if our immediate family until we actually know what is going to happen with the police but she's been blabbing to all and sundry, yet now denying it. We agreed, as a lot of family members live in her street that the police would come to my house and she could come here to give her statement to avoid any gossiping, yet 2 minutes later changed her mind, and they can go to her house, personally I think this is for attention on her part

She has been chopping and changing her mind constantly and the police have asked that nothing be thrown out, not even rubbish as there maybe evidence, yet she announced today she's taking stuff to the charity shop ????

I had enough and exploded and told her I was out,.I would finish the paperwork I need to and have written down specific instructions on how to conduct/arrange the funeral, picked all hymns, given guest list etc, all I've not done is tell her when she's to go to the frigging toilet

Now I'm all the baddies, poor her she's just lost her sister (they didn't even get on btw) and my husband is now going around thinking he's a cut price Al Capone, threating the investigation, and making comments to other people on how I thrive on.these kind of situations !!! Yeah sweetheart I'm in my element when the people I love die

So I'm now lying on the couch wondering AIBU for telling them all to fook off, do it themselves (even though I know they'll make a mess of it) and leave me out of it. I'll turn up just like a normal mourner

Sorry for ranting x.x

OP posts:
DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 09/03/2024 23:02

Do what you feel is right OP. Only you can decide as your life has been complex.

IMO, put your health first as well as your immediate family and everyone else second as your parents and grandparents have passed away

Good luck

EmmaEmerald · 09/03/2024 23:03

YANBU at all
I've had to attend several funerals but the only one I've organised was my dad's.

I recently told my mum that I cannot face another funeral and she understood that - so it will either be direct cremation or me and my sis there.

There is only so much one person can manage. Hugs if wanted.

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