Estranged family member at funeral

[Honey997]

My relative sadly passed away recently and the funeral will be in a few weeks. An estranged family member who I had quite a big falling out with will be there. We haven’t spoke for a couple of years. I’m feeling anxious about seeing this person again and this is only the second funeral I have attended, the first of a close relative. I was wondering if anyone may have some advice about how to get through the day. Thank you

Stand away from them.

Arrive in good time to adjust to their presence

Keep apart but if they make an approach to speak to you, I would be civil. A funeral is not the place for dramatics.

I had a similar experience recently at a family funeral. Stand away, I would guess they won’t want a fuss either. If they choose to approach you just tell them that today is not an appropriate day x

Are they the type to try to hijack a funeral in order to approach you or make a scene or will they respect the fact this is not about them and leave you alone?

Thanks. Tbh they do make things about themselves and often used to make a scene in front of others @IncompleteSenten. Thats why I’m worried but hopefully they won’t on the day given the circumstances

Have something ready to say then, just in case.
Like a pp said, something about this not being the time or the place or something about you being here to pay your respects and it's not appropriate for them to accost you.

Stay well away from them. I like the suggested statements from PPs, that this a funeral and its not the time or the place for beef.

Will you be attending this funeral by yourself? I'm thinking that this might be harder for you, ie, coping with your loss & the thoughts of your deceased relative/friend as well as being uncertain of how or even if this other person may make a fuss.
So could you take a support person for you, or stand with someone who could help you avoid them?

Is there someone who would go with you and maybe support you to subtly avoid them if they try to approach you?

Agree that a funeral is "not the time or the place for a beef" but depending on what has gone before, it could be the perfect time and place for a reconciliation.

What better reminder that life is short, family is precious and feuds are often silly and petty. (I obviously don't know the backstory to yours).

Before, during and immediately after the actual funeral there is not much space for a 'scene'. If she does approach you, suggest that you talk about it at the funeral tea (or whatever is planned afterwards), then don't go to that paart of the day, or go and leave quietly after 10 minutes.

If you do go to any event that is happening afterwards, do not get drunk. Speak as soon as you can to the 6 most important people and quietly leave.

Get there early so you can greet the family and then sit down. Therefore the onus won’t be on you.

This sounds like my sister and niece (her daughter). They caused a major scene at my father's funeral, before, during and after.

Practical ideas from one who knows: Ask the undertaker to keep an eye on things. They are used to dealing with these situations. (Don't ask the priest / vicar or anyone who might try to force a reconciliation) Try to create a barrier between you and the problem person (barrier can be other people or distance, like the length of a church pew). And plan your exit route if you're worried they'll physically attack you.

I know there can be a long wait for funerals, but over 9 months seems unlikely. I hope it went as well as it could.