My lovely grandma is in hospital due to an infection exacerbating her COPD symptoms. She's not on - to put it bluntly - deaths door but her condition is getting worse.
My grandma has my aunty and there are 4 gcs. One, my auntie son, currently lives with her and the plan is for my grandma to move into my aunties when her health declines to the point she can't live at home anymore.
I didn't visit her during this hospital stay until my cold symptoms had been clear for two days. I have rang her twice a day, made her laugh etc. She's had lots of visitors inc her other 3 gcs, her neighbour, her cleaner and her brother. My grandma actually likes being in hospital on a ward as she - in her own words - gets to stay in bed and the staff do everything for her (also why her COPD gets worse because even at home if she can lie down reading all day she will).
I had an awful t/c from my cousin telling me how upset his mum is that I haven't been in, it's her final days, my cold won't make a bit of difference as it's the end (my grandma told me the same day she was coming home in a day or two) and so I went up there with a mask on expecting the worse and actually she's not near the end of this illness. She's still expected to have a year or two left. The only reason why she's still in hospital is because OT haven't signed her off yet but the oxygen nurse has.
I keep feeling that my aunty expects me to do more in general than what I do (when my grandma is at home and when she's in hospital). I usually pop in to see her once a week, ring her most days, my dd (18) cleans her house once a week (it needs twice weekly cleans as my cousin is so messy) and will do adhoc things that she needs but we've sorted meals on wheels, milkman and the social worker sorted a stairlift etc out a year or so ago. I can't do more. I work FT and often work late/evenings on top, am a single parent to two, am stretched thin as it is. Work has been so stressful lately that I'm on zopicane to sleep. My aunty has retired early, in good health, neither of my siblings or my cousin have dc. My cousin doesn't work a FT job as he's an actor. He doesn't do 'care' for her as such but he is company for her which is what she needs.
Is this just an eldest daughter thing? I feel the weight of expectations and disappointment from my aunty - whereas my grandma is perfectly happy with what I do and how often she sees me and speaks to me. I did ring her and my cousin and tell them what they did was unfair, but I'm not over it. I really can't do anymore and I'd much prefer her to go into a home rather than add caring duties to my ever growing to do list. AIBU, should I be doing more to help my aunty?