To let my dd learn a musical instrument when we live in a terraced house.

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My dd (10) did a music taster day at school, and jas come home wanting to play the flute. I refused to let her brother learn an instrument, because I think the lesson of being considerate to others and realising that there will always be people with more opportunities than them is much more valuable than any questionable benefits of learning an instrument.
Also, she tried gymnastics at age 8 and she gave up after a year, so we will probably just piss off the neighbours for nothing. She does swimming as an extra curricular activity already and that night is a huge stress for everyone with dinner being late. Surely doing more than one will interfere with her studies due to her being out routine.

Thank you for your update. It sounds as though you have a very good incentive not to let history repeat itself!

Well done for giving your DD this opportunity - it may not be too late to extend that to your son.

My son was learning the bagpipes. Now they are loud!! We are in a detatched house, but dear god, the whole street could hear. He used to practice within reasonable hours. Not nighttime.

I am so sorry that happened to you as a child 🩷

Let your daughter learn an instrument! Maybe you could too to help heal your inner child?

I’m appalled that you denied your son the opportunity to learn a life-long skill and hobby. You put your neighbour’s (imagined) comfort above your own child’s happiness. Have a word with yourself and don’t repeat the same mistake with your daughter.

Piano, guitar, bass, sax and drums in this household. Regular full band rehearsals in the garage. Literally couldn’t care less what the neighbours think (not that we’ve ever had a complaint).

Apparently even five hours per day practice is acceptable… it’s called normal living.
Of COURSE let both of them learn! Even music teachers live in terraces/flats and they’re teaching for hours!!

I'm so sorry about your childhood experiences, but am really impressed with how you are dealing with that, and also genuinely listening to the views of other people.

I live in a terrace, and both my children learned musical instruments. An opera student lived across the road a few years ago, and I really enjoyed listening to her practice. I certainly don't think that music is only for people in detached houses!

If anyone objects to your DD playing the flute (during reasonable hours) they are the unreasonable ones. And if you do t already have a pair, a decent pair of noise cancelling headphones are amazing when dealing with sensory overload.

I think it would really help you to talk to other parents a bit more to calibrate what is normal. I think the neighbour/consideration argument is just an excuse tbh, or an excuse inherited from your mum. It sounds like fear of trying and looking for excuses.

Your DD did gymnastics for a year when she was what? 8? That's not a sign that she's some sort of flaky quitter that shouldn't bother trying anything ever again. It's completely normal for little kids to try things, stop some, start new things etc and for family life to shift around that. By that age my DD had probably had 15-20 hobbies, 4-5 at any one time.

I was doing club swimming 5-6 times a week at 10, so we are coming from v different places. My children grab every chance they get to do fun and enriching activities.

Interesting.

I find people randomly bursting into song, humming or whistling when I'm trying to concentrate really annoying.

That's very different from someone doing their music practice. That's usually at a regular time, for a fixed period, so isn't intrusive in the way random bursts of noise can be.

It will be less than that at first, beginner flautist mouth won’t take 30 minutes of practice!

If you do really want to be considerate why not just offer her an instrument that makes no noise eg electric piano with headphones. Flute is fairly quiet though?

Drum kit, trombone or violin in a poorly sound insulated terrace I can see are annoying for neighbours.
Flute, which realistically she might practice for 20 mins at a time and probably not every day is fine.

The lesson you're teaching your son is ... slightly strange to me. By all means teach him to be considerate of others and manage his expectations that there will always be someone with more opportunities. But not sure how that links to him not taking up one opportunity he is interested in?

The gymnastics thing - I mean it's unlikely she's going to become a concert flautist. But playing flute can be a hobby and something to provide social group opportunities for her throughout her life. How often does she swim if you're worried about impact on study time?

Sorry that happened to you OP and I'm glad you are getting support to overcome that. Those were your mother's issues not yours and I'm glad you are seeking to prevent passing them onto your own children.

Thanks so much for giving me a reality check without tearing me to pieces. I am trying my hardest not to repeat mistakes down the generations, and I will let my daughter learn the flute.
As far as my son goes, he is now heavily into amateur dramatics, and wouldn't have time to take up an instrument now if he wanted to. The only battle with him is that he wants to audition for a lead part in a production and the performances are going to be Christmas of his year 12. He is planning on doing 4 a levels, and also has a part time job and I am worried that he will not be able to fit it all In. He is taking that to mean that I don't believe in him, but my answer is that I believe that he has the ability to do all of these things well, I just don't believe that he has the time, and I worry he will spread himself too thin.
However, I am sure I am not the first parent to face this issue, nor will I be the last.

Your son sounds wonderful! Never forget they have more energy than we do!!

As long as she’s not playing early morning or late nights it’s fine. Surely playing a flute works around other commitments anyway so no extra stress for you if she’s learning through school.

YABU, let her learn, and ask your son if he wants to. It’s about being considerate, maybe chat to your neighbours if there are better times, keep it short periods. There are much worse neighbours than you for doing this!

Hey OP, I hope you didn't stop singing, or have joined a choir since. It sounds as though you are all very musical/ performers ❤️ Never stop questioning what normal is so you and your family have the best chance not to repeat history. All the best, sounds like you're working hard to achieve this. X

Absolutely fine so long as you encourage her to only practice during sociable hours (so no 6:30 am or 11pm tooting!). If your attached neighbours work night shifts or have young kids with early bedtimes / afternoon naps, then be considerate of these. That's all.
I'd be delighted to hear young neighbours learning a musical instrument.

Lots of children continue with music performances,in private and public, right up to their exams. It really is time to trust your son's judgement when it comes to organising time for study and music. Certainly for my children, music rehearsals and so on relaxed them, no mean thing when exams are looming.
When your son thinks that you don't believe in him. it means that he is feeling undermined by you. Start encouraging him.

I can't believe you stopped your son from trying an instrument because of an overweening sense of "consideration for others".

Theres no such thing as a bum note on the harp either.

So long as u dont mind ur neighbours then playing their music loudly. After all why should not get to enjoy music in fhie own home and if disturbs the peace in ur house oh well that's just living right 😄