To hate bedtime with a 3 year old?

[sarahb083]

Every night is a 1-2 hour nightmare. Demands for milk, getting out of bed, wanting more stories. We’ve tried everything - lying down with her, timers, leaving her to cry in her room, nothing helps. She just seems to have trouble switching off. Any tips? Or commiseration?!

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A definite and slow bedtime routine is crucial we found, then they get to know what’s coming next. We used to do bath, story and bottle/milk drink/cuddles and bed. We were very strict and used to timed cry it out method which was popular then. I think if you let them mess you about they know you’re a pushover and will continue doing it. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it worked well for us. We did this from his first day home from hospital.

Bath/shower, teeth, story, kiss and hug, lights out.
Repeat repeat repeat.
Nothing else until morning (unless unwell).

Is she definitely tired at bedtime? I realised bedtime was going wrong when DC1 was ready for a bit of a later time. Dc1 is a persistent sleep refuser as his brain is always buzzing with thoughts.

I found I had to stick to a routine every day. We do pjs, teeth, 2 books, into bed and I stay for 2 mins then cuddle and leave. I had to develop this with dc2 when she developed anxiety around bedtime when she was around 5. We drew it out on a page and stuck it on her wall as reminder for a while. 2-3 years later we still do exactly that.

Alternatively would soft music or an audio book help them lie down to relax ?

Thanks for all of the replies. We do have a routine every night, with a timer so she can’t drag things out. It’s when we leave the room that the problems start. We’ve tried just leaving, but she cries and screams hysterically for ages, takes all of her clothes off (including nappy) and then lies on the floor. She knows this will make us come in! I guess we could call her bluff and let her fall asleep like that but we’d then need to back in later and put the nappy on and put her in bed. Maybe we’ll try it anyway.

Dc2 had a lot of worries about us leaving at bedtime. We made a game up for a while where we did things like can you wiggle your toes and flop your arms down, (to relax her body) then the grounding routine like when you are lying down tell me 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel when lying down, 3 things you can hear etc. all had to be done lying down or we would stop. Finally we both said 3 things about our day, either the best things, or the funniest things, or the scariest things. It seemed to both distract her and help her process her day.

Is she still having a nap, and what time is bedtime?

The last time you had a routine that worked, what worked then?

Not sure if this is helpful but we have a Yoto player and it revolutionised our 3yos bedtimes. Her story doesn't go on until she's tucked up and lying down and then if she gets up before the story finishes (for any non legitimate reason) we switch it off. Literally only ever had to do that twice and she's always asleep by the end of the story. But caveat would be that she has to really love it and see it as a treat or she won't care about it being switched off if she gets up! She just loves lying there listening to a story and it's a good counter to the "I'm not tired" - we say you don't have to sleep yet, just lie and listen to your story.

What time is bedtime OP? Could you be putting her to bed too early? Is she very active during the day, lots of fresh air etc?