How important is learning to drive? We are at a bit of a crisis point with my DD. She is struggling so much 40 lessons so far and hating every minute. My DH says she is dangerous and refuses to ever take her out in his car so we have bought her a car and even in her car he shouts and screams at her BUT here is the bit in all this which I think is important and I need proper opinions on what to do.
At 17 my parents forced me to learn to drive I had 104 lessons and it took me 2.5 years to pass my test and I would say for that 2 years I was a nervous wreck - my dad like my DH refused to have me in his car so my mum took me out - she says now it was the most nerve wracking thing she has ever done BUT eventually I passed my test. I had a car for a year but anytime I drove anywhere would sweat buckets and feel sick. This anxiety would start the night before I had to drive to work - I would then be anxious all day at work worrying about the drive home and then I wouldn't sleep because I would worry about driving the next day. It was an all consuming anxiety but 1. I knew what caused it and 2. I had to just suck it up because without driving I couldn't get anywhere.
About 8 months after passing my test I went on holiday for a fortnight and my anxiety completely lifted as I didn't have to worry about driving anywhere for 2 weeks - as soon as I came home and knew I needed to drive to work the next day my anxiety came back with a vengeance. I carried on for about another year and I made the decision to move into the town and sold my car and have never driven since and my anxiety has never returned. I got so much abuse from everyone - driving is a a life skill and by giving up I am not going to be able to go places or get a decent job. Agree - it has made my life much tougher , especially when the kids were small and I have only been able to have jobs that are walkable or on a bus route.
I have never really spoken about my driving anxiety to DD because I didn't want her to have a negative view on driving but she wants to quit it doesn't help that this week she drove through a red light and almost mounted the pavement. I asked her what it is she finds tough and she says "it is the having to be super aware of your surroundings, change gear, watch the road, turn the wheel all at the same time - exactly the same as my issues and that she feels sick thew whole time she is in the car which she feels stops her learning to the best of her ability. We talked about changing instructors as hers shouts which my DH says to her actual face that no wonder "because she is a driving disaster" but when I struggled and I wanted to change instructors the instructor to me and my dads face that it wouldn't matter because "I was one of the worst he had ever seen" so my dad made me carry on with him - this was after 50 lessons and 54 lessons later I passed first time!
Problem is she is going to uni in September to do teaching and really to be a teacher she has to be able to drive.
I hate seeing her like this and I just want her to quit and be happy but like when I learnt everyone is saying it is a life skill and she just needs to persevere and she won't always feel anxious and I am always getting told that if I had persevered the anxiety would have subsided the more I did it but I honestly don't think it would.
My son is dyspraxic and looking back now I think I am too and that is possibly why I struggled - my DD has no other dyspraxic symptoms but I now suspect dyspraxia is the cause.
There is the option to perhaps try in an automatic which I tried about 10 years ago but the anxiety came back and I gave up yet again.
I know driving is a very important life skill but in this instance should we keep on forcing it or let her quit. Obviously I completely understand where she is coming from but DH, and my parents who have never had any driving issues say she needs to persevere and not give up like me.
Thoughts and opinions please!!