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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have reported?

37 replies

WRAF · 09/03/2024 10:15

8am today heard a huge crash. A drunk driver crashed his car into the metal bollards inches away from our home, this is a shared driveway between my NDN and myself. I messaged the neighbour whose bollards he crashed into (he’s away at the moment) and I called the police. I was really angry as my kids ride their bikes in the driveway. My husband panicked me too as he was screaming OMg! I thought it was our home he crashed into first. Just to note this driver was trying to get back into his car and drive off but was very very drunk.

he turned out to be the relative of a neighbour few doors down. Have I done the right thing or messed up relations? My NDN was happy as the guy was arrested by police. What would you have done? NDN did turn up whilst police was here as he wasn’t far from the house.

OP posts:
Momstermunch · 09/03/2024 10:17

There's no way I wouldn't have reported that. Who cares about potentially upsetting a neighbour when this arsehole could kill someone.

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 09/03/2024 10:17

If he was my relative I would have reported the fucker. The neighbour should be grateful.

WinterMorn · 09/03/2024 10:17

Why are you even asking? Of course you have done the right thing. Sometimes that means making what could be uncomfortable decisions. Stop doubting yourself.

IamSmarticus · 09/03/2024 10:17

I would have done exactly the same as you, phoned the police. It wouldn't matter who it was!

Original poster
WRAF · 09/03/2024 10:18

My husband thinks I should have just messaged the neighbour and left it. Will there be repercussions we might have to deal with such as when the guy gets out of jail? He must know it’s us as we were looking out of the window and I shouted at him when he was trying to get back in the car and drive off

OP posts:
Original poster
WRAF · 09/03/2024 10:18

*definitely knows it’s us

OP posts:
IfIHadAHeart · 09/03/2024 10:20

He’s not going to go to jail 🙄

Driving ban for sure though.

WinterMorn · 09/03/2024 10:20

WRAF · 09/03/2024 10:18

My husband thinks I should have just messaged the neighbour and left it. Will there be repercussions we might have to deal with such as when the guy gets out of jail? He must know it’s us as we were looking out of the window and I shouted at him when he was trying to get back in the car and drive off

If it’s a first offence he is highly unlikely to go to jail, and in the unlikely event there are repercussions, you report him again and carry on with your life. Your husband needs to toughen up.

idontlikealdi · 09/03/2024 10:21

I don't understand why you're questioning it tbh

Original poster
WRAF · 09/03/2024 10:22

my husband works away a lot I’m home alone with the kids most weeks. It was so shocking. I usually take the kids for a bike ride early morning. Today we were tired so thank god we didn’t go. What an absolute asshole.

OP posts:
SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 09/03/2024 10:22

YANBU… imagine the next thing he hit was a human and not a bollard.

Original poster
WRAF · 09/03/2024 10:22

Thank you all. I suffer from anxiety so doubt myself. I know I did the right thing.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/03/2024 10:26

Momstermunch · 09/03/2024 10:17

There's no way I wouldn't have reported that. Who cares about potentially upsetting a neighbour when this arsehole could kill someone.

Absolutely.

Aviee · 09/03/2024 10:27

I have anxiety too and totally understand your concern but 100% you did the right thing and the drunk driver has no one to blame except himself.

FOJN · 09/03/2024 10:28

He was a danger to himself and others, you had a duty to report it.

How would you feel if you'd taken your husband's approach and the drunk driver had killed someone?

No one without a drink problem is pissed at 8 am, hopefully this will be a wake up call for him and he will get help.

Your husband is behaving like a dick.

Teeturtle · 09/03/2024 10:34

I am an alcoholic (in recovery now). Before my recovery I still always, always knew to never get behind the wheel. This is unforgivable. I expect when he sobers up, even this driver will accept you did the right thing.

redalex261 · 09/03/2024 10:48

Stop panicking about him coming back for retribution. From what you say he was so hammered he will have little recollection of what exactly happened. The moron deserves to be reported. If he comes back report again. But he won’t - will have head in hands about impact of losing license on his life.

Quizanory · 09/03/2024 10:49

My MIL was killed by a drunk driver. It devastated so many lives. You've done the right thing

hagchic · 09/03/2024 11:20

It would have been socially irresponsible NOT to have reported him.

He is a clear danger.

Couldyounot · 09/03/2024 11:25

Bloke was driving pissed and stacked it. Next time that could be a person rather than some bollards. "Did I do the right thing?" isn't even a thought process you need to have in these circumstances. Your husband sounds rather cowardly.

D1LL1GAF · 09/03/2024 12:08

Could have killed your child. Would you not want someone to report them? Fuck the NDN and his drunk reletive

scorpiogirly · 09/03/2024 12:11

He could have killed someone. You did the right thing.

PonyPatter44 · 09/03/2024 12:15

You did exactly the right thing, don't let anyone suggest you didn't. The moron could have killed someone, and hopefully he'll get a stonking great fine and a decent length ban.

What on earth would "telling his relative " achieve?

Marblessolveeverything · 09/03/2024 12:17

How on earth in any world can your dh think letting a drunk who crashed into a stationary object as acceptable? Seriously?.

I would be having a very strong conversation about your values, that isn't something I could align with. And not be in a relationship with someone who thought this way.

Shopper727 · 09/03/2024 12:19

If ignoring a drunk driver is something your husband thinks is something you ignore, would he have ignored it if your child had been outside playing and been hurt or worse or your house had been driven into? Or you ignored it, let the man drive off and he crashed into people further along the road or another car? never understood people who’d rather be ‘friends’ with people than do the right thing!

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