Feeling so miserable that we can’t plan anything

[bakingmummy21]

Just a bit of a moan really - DH has lost his job. Early last year he got made redundant so we had lots of uncertainty and were limited on what we could plan and do due to finances. Things improved at the end of summer and this year we were really getting back on track finance wise, until this happened. I just feel so miserable and anxious, we were starting to make a few plans this year - nothing extravagant but a modest summer holiday and maybe a weekend break for our 10th wedding anniversary. Now we can’t do anything because we don’t know how long he’ll be out of work for (again). The one break we have booked for Easter we may have to cancel. I earn a good wage and got a bonus but now I’ll have to save everything to cover all the outgoings just in case (and that’s even if we do a mortgage break and reduce childcare etc). I haven’t had a haircut for over a year, haven’t bought myself anything like clothes and now can’t justify spending anything. Have had to cancel plans made with friends for anything that costs money. I realise this might be first world problems and lots of people are struggling. I guess it’s just very raw now having been thrown back into this situation with no warning. AIBU to feel like this and WWYD?! I want to support DH who obviously feels very down about it too but I just hate being in this situation.

Oh OP, sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time.

When you say lost his job, was it another redundancy? 2 in such a short space of time is really upsetting and it's easy to get your confidence knocked.

You might just need to vent, but would DP be able to do deliveroo or ubereats to top up the wages whilst he's looking for something else? People can make some decent money that way.

Ahhhh op I really feel for you! Can you not tell dh he needs a permanent structured job with a steady income because it’s impacting you mentally too much?

Last year was redundancy, this year he has been let go at the end of his probation period for the new role (“not the right fit”). No warning, just got told after the 6 months. In fairness it probably wasn’t the right role for him but he’s given it his best efforts to try and make it work.

He is desperately trying, I can’t fault him on that just the job market is hard. He does know I am really struggling with it and has promised to try and find temp
work as well.

Oh OP I really feel for you (and your DH too). Such a stressful time.

He does need to take temp work, even if it's call center etc (if he can't physically do the constantly available work). I wouldn't cancel the Easter break, you both need that lift.

Fucking hell!!!!!

Ah bless him so sorry op just seen the probationary period ended! That’s shit because usually to make it to the end you’d normally get the job! Remember hard times aren’t forever they are just sent to test us hopefully something comes up soon!

I've been there OP and am hopefully coming out of the other side. OH has lost so many jobs over the last couple of years leading to debt and stress.

I haven't got much advice apart from him taking whatever he can find while still looking for a more permanent job. OH has just started in a job he'd had his eye on for a while but it took a lot of smaller jobs to get there in the meantime, he's lost contracts along the way and it's been so hard for us both, him for obvious reasons and me because I have been totally out of control of the situation. Plus we're still behind on most household payments and trying desperately to catch up.

We've still had 'treats' as you need something to lift your spirits but just on a much smaller scale. Haircuts as presents for example and vinted is now my go to for clothes but only when I've sold something so can use the 'free' money. We no longer have takeaways or eat out which is annoying but not forever.
We did have to cancel a holiday but it wasn't paid for yet, if yours is paid up I'd still consider going but keeping it minimal on costs when you're there, a break would do you good if it's financially possible for you.

Have you looked into UC if your wages would allow, we had 85% of childcare paid when we needed it and have had some top ups when he hasn't been paid some months. I'm P/T currently so earn little enough to qualify.

It's so hard, hopefully soon there will be something positive that comes up for him and you can breathe a bit easier again

I bet he hasn't thought of that 🙄

It wasn’t in the op that he had been working but failed to secure the job at the end of his probationary period. If you read further! From the op I was under the impression he was maybe freelancing.

No advice OP. But hugs. Things are quite shit right now. But it will get better!

@DeedlessIndeed im genuinely interested in deliveroo and Ubereats, what sort of money are people making? Is it reliable?
thanks

There was nothing to suggest he was freelancing. 🤷‍♀️ It was perfectly clear from the first post that he lost a job last year and has just lost a second job. I am sure he feels bad enough without OP telling him to find a new job because it is effecting her mental health.

Big HUGS to you and partner , sounds to be pretty grim for you both right now

Me and DH exist on very very little money, but we still find fun things to do which cost either nothing or very little

Look up your nearest college that does hairdressing and beauty - get booked in there for a cut or colour or facial or manicure, just costs a few pounds

We are just back from a weekend break in Edinburgh, 3 nights including flights, £200. We used the too good to go app for lunches and you could even get a buffet breakfast from pretty good hotels for £3 on that. When we wanted a drink, Wetherspoons sorted that. We walked everywhere and saw everything that was free and we had a great time because it was a few days away from the drudgery of making ends meet ( it will be our only holiday this year )

Use the too good to go app to top up the shopping - esp if you live in a town or city ( its not good where I am cos Im rural but I always look at it when in a city )

We go to cinema on half price Tuesdays. Not every week but if there is a film we really want to see, then its half price Tuesday for us

Look at local FB pages to you to see whats happening and FREE and go along to whatever you can. Having a trip out really does help the mental wellbeing

Hopefully DH will find work soon and things will get easier for you. Yes its a bummer not being able to look ahead but those days will come around again. For now its finding things you can do that make life enjoyable or at least bearable for now

Best of luck xx

Actually there wasn’t anything mentioned about a second job just “things had improved!”. Sooooo…….