To think that 9-9:30 is too late for dinner?

[m0llyr0se]

DS is 16 and DH is old enough to be able to fend for himself. We have fallen into a pattern - for years now - of not eating until 9pm or even later - which is when DH has finished his work (and rarely also fitted in a bike ride or a trip to the pub with friends) and DS is ready to finish playing computer games.

DH works FT - from home most days but in the office a couple of times a week and back around 7:30. I work away from home 3-4 days a week and stay away from home one night per week working very late into the night in order that I only have to do the 3 days away. I'm mostly back around 6:30-7pm the other nights and do a few hours from home on the other 2 days.

DS has activities 3 nights a week - sometimes ending at 7 or 8pm and one starting at 8pm.

It wasn't a problem for a while as I liked to cook from scratch but no longer have the inclination or energy to spend 2-3 hours cooking a meal and have lost my appetite so need to eat when I am hungry or I don't really eat.

I really want to eat earlier and to eat more healthily (salads etc which DS mostly won't eat and DH sometimes complains about the salad dressings) and I find myself snacking and drinking wine from around 6pm until I start to cook around 8/ 8:30pm - otherwise it would be ready too soon. Then I don't really fancy eating

I sometimes spend all weekend batch cooking for the freezer in order that there will be something healthier than ready meals for when I'm knackered in the week but I still end up having to dish them up for 9pm.

I think I know what your response will be - that I should just cook what I want when I want and they can eat it if they like - or not - but I lovely family mealtimes together (and then we watch tv together for an hour) and DS is really bad at realising when he's hungry and needs prompting to eat anything. I fear that if I just do my own thing that DS will just not eat and live in his room and we will lose this family time together (which seems to be quite rare with a 16yo from what I can tell!)

So, WWYD?

Not unreasonable at all. From about 16 our DDs wanted to cook for themselves mostly so we acquiesced but ate together Fri-Sun. Wish we had not done this as it meant not seeing them so much but it was their wish. If you can keep that DS time going, do it.

I also hate eating late because I end up waking up hot middle of night, and my DW likes to eat 7.30-8 as she says the evenings are too long otherwise. We tend to compromise though usually. Maybe you can also - worth negotiating, anyway.

Compromises need to be made.

Plate meals up to microwave later. Eat when you want to but imsisynom sime mealtimes together eg Sunday lunch

The batch cooking thing is good, as it feels like cooking on your schedule at night is really stressful. Of course DF should be pulling their weight.
Could you make a nice salad that you like, dressing on the side, the eat some/half of you dinner and salad when you are hungry earlier, then the other part of it with the others an hour or so later? That way you wouldn't need to snack as much. And could still have family meals.
I hope you can have a nice meal out or a takeaway at least once every few weeks as you seem like you do a lot.

You do what fits best with family. It’s way too late for us - 5/5.30pm but DC got homework, baths/ bed between 7.30 and 8.30 and DH doesn’t like to eat late. Meals probably need to adapt as family grows and activities change.

I have a 16 year old and there's no way he'd want to eat that late. We usually eat between 6.30 and 7. I'd cook earlier and anyone unable to can reheat theirs when they get back.

It's WAY too late for me, but we each get into our own routines.
We've always eaten together as a family and I've felt that's really important for us, but we've been in jobs and with commutes that mean we could do that (then work later at home).
Your body gets used to what is "the norm" for you - which is why you get the faux shock / horror from posters on all these threads about how anyone could possibly eat at 5.30, or how anyone could not eat until 8. 30 or whatever - it is outside their norm and they lack the imagination or basic understanding we are all different and living in different circumstances.

I think you have a lot of coming and going in the house.

When I was that age dinner was served around 6 or 7 and if you weren’t there you figured it out when you were hungry or got home. We still ate a fair amount of meals together but not as much as when we were young.

Honestly I’d get used to doing your thing.

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies... I now realise there are plenty of posts with similar issues kicking about so I appreciate people still replying to mine!

We've discussed the new dinner plans - eating at 7ish, reheating if you're out, cooking your own 'extras' (the unhealthy side bits like garlic bread that I no longer want to eat) and the conversation went well... starts tomorrow... fingers crossed!