To not do anything for my mother in Mother’s Day?

[HelpWBD]

I don’t know why I’m posting this because it’s not like I did anything last year for my mum and I’ve decided this year I won’t either. She has never been a mother to me. I am the youngest of 3 girls and she made it very clear she was disappointed I was not a boy. She would call me fat, ugly and stupid all my childhood. I was never fat, ugly or stupid quite opposite really. So much abuse and neglect through my childhood. I was abused by a male relative from a very very young age and she told me when I confided in her years later that it’s not a big deal and happens in lots of families and I should just get over it.

Last year I didn’t send a card or call and she phoned me next day passive aggressive telling me what my sisters got her. I told her that’s good because she’s been a great mum to them but unfortunately I didn’t have the same mum.

m should I a) just call her or very least send a text just to keep peace and it’s the mature thing to do or b) don’t even think about it, she’s been no mother.

I started my therapy (again) last year which brought back lots of memories that’s why I didn’t acknowledge Mother’s Day.

Sorry typos l, even on title.

Just don’t bother. You don’t owe her anything but she owes you plenty by the sounds of it. I’d give yourself the best Mother’s Day present and just block her. I’ve not spoken to my mother for over 2 years now and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

Under no circumstances should you buy a card or a gift. Just because she gave birth to you does not mean she is a mother to you. A mother is a person who protects their child, builds their confidence. You are in therapy because of her. Best wishes.

@Minihippyme89 how do you get over the guilt? I feel so much hurt when I keep seeing the adverts and decorations for Mother’s Day. It’s been really hurtful these past couple of weeks.

@Wayk thank you.

I had a memory today which I really want to share. I have no one in RL to tell:

I was about 8 I think, definitely primary school but not the higher years so just have been year 4 I think. I told my teacher I don’t think my mum likes me and teacher replied “I’m sure she does, ofcourse your mum loves you”. I remember that day so clearly. It just makes me so sad.

That is very sad. The only way you will recover is go Low contact. My friend did it with her mom, no birthday, Xmas or mothers days cards or gifts and she feels so much better.

No YANBU. She doesn't deserve anything, end of.
People with 'good' mums might say 'but she's your mum...you only have one'..that's bullshit. Some people don't deserve the kids they have.
Don't feel guilty. She's the one who should feel like crap.
We are NC with MIL. She doesn't deserve DH.

My mum wasn't intentionally hurtful or abusive but was and is emotionally very immature. I am not close to her because it doesn't feel emotionally safe to be. I will give her a card and a book tomorrow and drop her a text on the day, though if I'm honest I always find it hard because what do I write, can't do the thanks or best mum etc, I typically now resort to getting my DD to write something. So from me my mum gets a low key effort. Given your childhood you don't need to feel any guilt about doing bugger all. My counsellor repeatedly talks about how we don't owe our parents, we didn't make a choice to be their kid.