To think ex could have helped kids with Mother’s Day card and gift

[alianna]

Separated from my exh couple years ago and he hates me cause I was the one to end the relationship. I know what he’s like so I know he’ll hate me forever but the kids just told me they are making me a card and a gift for Mother’s Day which I will obviously adore because I will be able to keep them forever.
But I don’t think it would have killed him to offer to help them with a gift just while they’re still young. I’ve done it at Xmas and Father’s Day in the past so he would have a card and a gift from the kids. Am I being unreasonable or is it really nothing to do with him now because we are separated??

like I’ve said a few times now I love that I’m getting something hand made by them. I have boxes of stuff made by them at school over the years that I will keep forever. My issue is their dad not offering to help them out because of his bitterness towards me. Maybe I’m wrong maybe I shouldn’t be helping the kids with FD etc either but they don’t have their own money that’s why I help them

They haven’t up to now but from now on they will be!!!!

I always get my youngest dc to choose a FD gift and an Xmas gift for their dad, they get excited choosing and wrapping and then handing it over.

He never does the same for me, says its not his job (which I correct I suppose), he forgets the kids will grow up and look back on their childhood and see things they can't quite see now, so I'll carry on just doing what I do for their sakes.

You making a big deal does make it sound like you AREN'T grateful for their homemade offerings

And he's your Ex, it's nothing to do with him. Stop doing it for Christmas and FD because it's nothing to do with you

How old are they? My favourite MD was when I'd just split up with their dad and they contrived a way to make the day as near as possible to how MD had been rhe last few years, despite being too young to go to the shops. I felt they really loved and appreciated me. I'd let it go, don't let your ex spoil the day for you.

YABU. It wouldn’t occur to me than an ex would do that. Most divorced parents I know are on non-speaking terms unless something absolutely vital about the kids.

Yeah my ex would never, my son makes me something in school & I buy a few bits for myself & let the kids give them to me. I don't do it for father's day either though I would if his GF/OW wasn't involved because if I did so now absolute murder would ensue, & I'd be berated & harassed with texts,FB posts etc claiming I want him back I'm bitter, jealous etc etc so it really is not worth it,if our son makes him something that's for him & he has that, sometimes though my son will make for my dad instead as he sees him more & adores him, he sees his dad once a week for less than 24 hours whereas grandad lives with us 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’re split and he hates you, why on earth would he change his spots and help out on Mother’s Day?

Fwiw, I think it’s not up to exes anyway, you’ve split, that’s life. People overvalue ‘I’m the mother of his children’ as an ongoing relationship.

It’s shit that he didn’t but so many dad’s don’t. I used to always get DS’s dad Father’s Day/Christmas/Birthday cards/gifts and never once did he do the same. It was always my mum who would take him shopping.

I only stopped buying the gifts when DS stopped asking me to, when he was about 13. I wouldn’t have done it at all if it hadn’t been important to him 🤷‍♀️ Your ex sounds like a dick.

YABU
Why should he?
You left him for a reason, why do you want or expect anything from him

And theres no need for you to do it the other way around either.

DC have made cards for me at school. I wouldn't expect DH to offer to buy an extra card, it's entirely covered by what they've made.

These men.

My ex has asked to keep my DS Sunday as they are doing something for Mother’s Day. His girlfriend was the OW who he was shagging behind my back while I was pregnant with our son - erm that would be a hard no

I think you're unreasonable. There's no reason for your ex to recognise mothers day. If you hate him there's no value even if he did.
If your kids can do it alone that's much better anyway - parents should never "help" with things children don't need help with, it undermines their sense of achievement and self esteem. So it wouldn't be in their interests to help them.
You're conflating two things here because you already resent your ex.

My parents are still together so it's perhaps different but I used to hate the way my dad always took over on mother's day making sure things were "good enough" - it took any pleasure out of it and made my efforts feel rubbish.

Probably wants free entry to something!

That's nice of them. My dad has things I made for him 20+ years ago

Yes you are being unreasonable. Why should he? The kids are doing it. What more do you want?