My DD8 is in year 3. Waiting for private assessment for ADHD (GP suggested quicker than NHS esp as infant school at the time saw no issues).
She is extremely anxious all the time, about lots of things, and it shows up in her body in the form of unsettled tum and nausea. She has short periods most days of seeming more relaxed and happy, but spends much of each day on edge, nervous, worried or angry.
She says she hates school, doesn't want to go. Being there makes her angry, makes her want to scream. She feels nauseous or funny tum most mornings (also for weekend out of school activities) and goes to bed feeling similar most nights. Says school is too loud, too many strict rules, being told what to do all day, can't concentrate, friendship issues make he'd upset or angry. She feels the need to move all the time. She only enjoys extra curricular activities before/after school, plus art. She isn't struggling academically so far. She also worries about feeling or being ill at school or others being sick in front of her at school. That's a big issue at the moment.
When I talk to school they say she is doing well, gets work done to a good standard, isn't disruptive, follows directions, keeps her desk neat, puts her hand up, takes turns, is polite and helpful, gets on fine with peers and adults etc. they can see the fidgeting but that's it. They have given her ear defenders and a wobble cushion after I mentioned a couple of things back in the autumn, but would not have offered if I hadn't raised it.
At home we see such a different side to what school see. Extreme anger, aggression, destruction. Very low self-esteem and very worrying negative self talk. Constant anxiety and physical symptoms/feeling ill with it. Always moving, can't sit still.
She didn't make it to school Monday to Weds this week. Said she felt sick and tummy felt jumbled up. Said it was worse than the usual nervous feeling she gets so I took it at face value and kept her off. Tried to go in Tues but ended up coming home before school started as felt sick and looked green. Then Weds she seemed better so got ready to go in then it was too much, she just couldn't leave the house she was too nervous about still feeling ill and absolutely would/could not go, hates school, doesn't ever want to go.
Spoke to school today (she went in today/yesterday after a struggle) who want to address the school avoidance but repeated that when in school she seems 'totally fine'. And to be fair to school, when she comes out at the end of the day she is generally ok. It's only later in the evening when it all goes to s*.
I just want some views on whether it's possible for a child to mask so fully that despite me having been pretty open with the school about what we see and what DD says to us, that school just don't see anything? Surely DD couldn't make up all this stuff she tells us about how school makes her feel? We know the anxiety is very real and the anger. And I believe what she says about how school makes her feel. But then I start to doubt myself when school say how completely fine she is!
Would welcome others' experiences of masking please x