To keep this from dh and try to recover the money

[Whatabloodymessimin]

So I've made a huge mess of our finances over the last 15 or so years. I have had mental health issues and took to throwing all statements, bills, letters etc in a huge box and several other bags and boxes for years on end.
Most of the debt I've managed to sort out but there are dormant accounts worth thousands and unclaimed premium bond prizes spanning over a decade. The problem is, not only will they be really hard to organise, we've since cashed in several bonds and have several holder numbers (one each and also all the kids). Whenever I check online it says no prizes outstanding but I've got wads of unclaimed Warrents and letters about claiming prizes.

I want to sort it without telling my DH what I've done. Can I? Will I be able to? I'm so ashamed. I've put it off such a long time as it just seemed too hard but now I'm feeling stronger and able to have a crack at sorting it out before I die.

So you have on the one hand debts but on the other hand, accounts with thousands of pounds in them? And unclaimed prize money?

If you can't do it then talk to your dh. Be open and work through it together. What do you think his reaction will be.

You may have an undiagnosed condition like ADHD. You've described a very adhd type of behaviour

I've thought for ages I have adhd. I can't make phone calls I just put it off. I don't answer calls either. My house is a mess and hidden in every cupboard and storage space is piles/boxes/ bags of mixtures of plain junk and random things with no system or organisation.
I am so messy but will have spurts of obsessive tidying and cleaning only for it to revert back to normal in a couple of days. I'm all or nothing with new hobbies but soon tire of them. Complulsive eater. Anxious. History of depression but also over excitement.
I'm sure there is more......

If you may have a MH condition like ADHD that makes money management difficult, you might find this link helpful OP:

https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/living-with-mental-illness/money-benefits-and-mental-health/

There's support available these days with debts & money management as it's more widely recognised that this can be an area that's challenging and overwhelming for those with various MH difficulties. Please don't feel bad - there are professionals that can help.

Before you die? What do you mean by that.

Sounds like ADHD, I've had huge debt in the past and hid it and felt ashamed. My husband was very forgiving especially once I got my diagnosis. Give him a try.

I mean I'm getting to the stage in life where I feel my own mortality and don't want to leave my kids a big financial mess to unravel. They'd never be able to find half the accounts or the trail of missed prizes etc and they'd lose out on that money.

Is there not a deadline to claim prizes?

There is a charity called step change that will help you sort out your finances. My friend's husband works for them as a volunteer and they seem to be absolutely brilliant

If you do have any day to day cash spare I would think about paying a one off fee to a virtual or independent pa. Get them to go through all he bills and awards and look up all the rules. Them add it all up and work out what to do to claim what you are owed. Them look for debt advice next. There are places to that will do it for free like can over sessions but it's leg work for you and realistically you'll probably not do it. I'd probably suggesting generally mentioning you are looking into this to your husband then see where things are at before giving him full details as you don't know where you standard. If the debts are over six years, you've not paid or acknowledged them and you don't do that in the future you usually won't have to pay. I am really confused how it could have got to this point without your husband knowing. You can also register for a free credit report at moneysavingexpert credit club but when I was in a financial mess I did find that registering brought lots of letters to the door so you might want to check first

Please talk to your DH.

You situation sound so similar to one that was
sprung on me (except without the unclaimed money) two years ago.

(Coincidentally he was also diagnosed with ADHD as part of the aftermath).

It was/is a huge blow to our marriage, but we have been able to get most things back on track. However, the broken trust caused from him hiding the truth from me for several years still lingers, and in all honesty, the longer you leave it, the worse it will get. Saying you will get it sorted before you die, sounds so much like the stuff my DH said to me, and it was all just noise, false promises he was making to himself. He couldn't formulate a plan that he could stick too and he couldn't make it better because he was just too overwhelmed.

Talk to them. Be honest, and together you can sort it out.

Go talk to your doctor and get a diagnosis. My DH is on medication now and it has brought nothing but benefits to our family/marriage.

You can't use your issues to justify lying, sort it out and be honest

Our GPs are a massive fob off and again because of the procrastinating and not dealing with things I've put off going or even trying to make an appointment - which is a task in itself these days.

My husband is genuinely clueless about everything. He doesn't know where any of our money is apart from the joint account. I think he's in the place many women are. I control all of it and that was probably not the best idea! He doesn't have logs ons or ask to see anything because he likes to not have the hassle. I do make sure we just about keep afloat with stuff like car insurance and urgent things with a deadline. Anything that can roll along for a bit I ignore and that's how the years have just flown by regarding the missing prize money, debts accruing and lost accounts. Thing is I don't think I was always like this.... Can adhd get worse? I guess life just got really really busy when we had kids and everything got shelved.

If you have the letters and they are genuine, you will be able to sort the premium bond prizes out.

https://www.nsandi.com/help/lost-touch-with-nsandi/check-unclaimed-prizes#:~:text=You%20never%20need%20to%20worry,don't%20know%20about%20yet.

I do think you should tell DH so that he can help, though. It can't be news to him that there were bags of paperwork stuffed away, I presume he lives in the same home as you, and can see? What has his approach been, given that presumably he must have seen the piles of belongings and clutter and unattended paperwork and known about your mental health? I think it sounds like he has been burying his head too?

Cross posted with you.

He has some of the responsibility here. Tell him, and get his help.

Yes adhd can get worse as you add children and responsibility in the mix. I have it and it sounds like you may do as well.

Oh gosh. I’m like this on paperwork. It freaks me out. I will open post, but cannot seem to file it. My study is in chaos!
I work better if I’m accountable to someone. Would that help you?

I think you need to fess up to DH and go forward with whatever support he’s able to give you.
Can you enlist the help of your children… or maybe get a decluttering person in. They’ve seen it all.

Then get ALL the paperwork out. Bring it into the light!

(Lie down in darkened room)

Put it in piles on the kitchen table according to the bank it’s from, or if it’s a premium bond letter.

(Go back into darkened room)

Choose one pile and put the rest away for the moment. Treat this in CHUNKS.

Give yourself, say, a calendar month to deal with JUST that pile. (Maybe the best pile for collecting cash back into the account).

When finished the first pile, have a celebratory party, and pick the next month for the next pile.

By Christmas, you’ll be sorted. Or nearly sorted.

If you are in the UK make an appointment with Citizens Advice . They can help you to go through the debts and dormant accounts etc and to sort it all out. Tell them what you’ve told us here . Don’t be embarrassed, they’ve seen it all before .

My adhd got massively worse after menopause.

Just bite the bullet and tell him. You're a partnership. Honestly you'll feel better, things can be more organised and it won't happen again as you'll both be on it. One conversation and no more worry

If you've got unclaimed premium bonds you can check online. What other unclaimed prizes are you talking about?