At what age would you expect your dc to think about Mother's Day themselves?

[bumblebutt28]

Ds is 12 and at the stage where school no longer forces encourages them to make Mother's Day cards anymore.

My dh took him to the shop and bought him one to give to me. Ds has gone off to his mates until Sunday lunch time without bothering to write it. I know this because dh has just told me that the card is left unwritten on his desk. Dh says that he reminded him to write it before he went.

I'm trying not to feel sad. I know he's 12, excited about going to his friends and busy packing up his stuff. But I also think ffs I do everything for that kid and he can't even make time to write a card that's been bought for him. If dh hadn't taken him to the shop there's no way he'd have even remembered the day, but to have a card given to him, reminded him about and still he hasn't bothered, I just feel very jaded about it. Like I've raised a bit of a thoughtless git to be honest.

Aibu to be pissed off? Or is he still a bit young to worry about this sort of stuff? And obviously it's two days away yet.

Don’t stress, it’s not Mother’s Day yet, he’s not late. I bet he’ll come back on Sunday afternoon, run upstairs and write the card and come back down to give it to you. Hopefully with a big hug.

Honestly I would still do that now as an adult. I’ll probably write my mum’s card literally just before I see her: It won’t change the meaning.

Yes hopefully he's thinking he'll do it Sunday afternoon, if he's even thought of it at all.

It's Friday so I wouldn't expect it written in yet.
As to what age they start thinking about it themselves I think that depends on how they've been raised. If it's been part of the routine since they were tiny that they participate in card writing and gift giving then I'd expect they'd be more aware and involved as they got older than if it was something that just appeared in front of them randomly with a "sign this" and they didn't have to think about iyswim.

It’s not just that age school don’t bother, my kids are in primary school and came out with nothing 🤷‍♀️ I’m a lone parent so not expecting anything from my children personally my oldest is 12 but she’s autistic so wouldn’t be getting me anything next one day is 11 but still a bit too young especially if there is no one around to help / prompt them. Maybe 14/15?

To be honest, there's no meaning in a card that was bought for him to give to you.

My mum was a single parent and at that age and younger my siblings and I used to make her breakfast in bed for her ‘gift’. My mum suggested it but it didn’t take the shine off it feeling like it was our gesture at the time. You could always talk to them about doing that. Just be prepared for a terrible breakfast and a messy kitchen 🤣 Lots of fun though.

Kids, especially teens or pre teens don’t really see it in the same way a mother might. I wouldn’t be too upset about it, it’s just a commercialised day, it doesn’t signify if he loves you or not. Few kids and teens value what their parents do for them when they are young

This is very true, I think I'm probably thinking about it from my perspective rather than his.

I think it’s fine for him to write it on Sunday.

My kids walk to school past a Card Factory shop so I expected them to get me a card and they did. They seem to always know because their friends or social media will have mentioned it to them.

Oh I don’t mind not getting anything

If he doesn't sort it and if it's important to you, youll have to have a conversation about it with him. Why it's important to you and how you feel when he hasn't done anything for it, not in a guilt tripping way though. He won't think about the day the way you do. Having that conversation might stop him turning into one of the hapless fathers/partners that never bother with gift giving in the future and upset their partner/mother of their children.

Around 5-6.....tbh you thinking Abit head here..it's Friday two days to go...

At 12 I'd say it's possibly a bit late to start teaching him to independently think about this, although I'm not saying all is lost! 😁

From the age of about 3 or 4 my dad handed us the felt tip pens and paper, and got us to make cards (while he made breakfast) and my DH did the same for our DC.

Then as they got older, they did it themselves and when older still (with their own money) they'd buy a gift.

So I suppose it's learned behaviour from a much younger age than 12, but I'm sure you can still turn it around.

Why was he 'taken' to a shop to buy a card? Could your DH not just give him some money and tell him to spend it on a card/gift for you?

It's only Friday, he will most likely write it Sunday when he comes home. I rarely write cards days before an event, usually write on the day. Most people I know do this. Kids are all different, some are organised some aren't, some are more independent than others.

I’ve been involving my 5 yo in card writing and choosing gifts for the past year. He wrote Christmas and valentines cards for the whole class and all relatives (my goal was more him learning to hold a pen correctly and practice writing but you know, 2 birds one stone) and he has started understanding starting few weeks early so that there is time to write to everyone etc.
I always ask him ‘what should we get so and so for a gift’ - being DH, a friend of his for a bday, etc. So he has started paying more attention to what people enjoy (although still he may say something that he himself likes and tries to claim it once bought…. But he’s only 5 and learning)

Valentine's cards for the whole class??

What do the cards say?

Mine started to properly think about it maybe 2/3 years ago aged 9 and 12

This year they have ordered something on Amazon with their debit cards, wrapped it and I think asked dh to get flowers tonight on his way home.

Not sure about cards but probably home made!