To consider not going to this wedding?

[Ifiori]

An old friend is getting married in the summer - our families have known each other since we were children and though we're not 'close' in the sense that we meet up/talk all the time we have been in each others' lives a long time.

The wedding is an hour away, and DH plus our children are invited, which is lovely. I understand there will be other children there and that they've considered them in the planning. Our kids will be 3, 2, and around 8 weeks at the time of the wedding.
DH has ruled himself out, however - his boss is on holiday so he will be required to cover (I have mentioned to him about asking about the possibility of other cover but he's not up for doing that). He's suggested I go with the baby and that MIL will look after the older two, which I'm not entirely happy with as MIL had a tendency to shout and it upsets DS.

It looks like my options are:

Go, taking all three children (my mum and sister will be there to give me a hand but I'm conscious of relying on them too much and ruining their enjoyment of the day)
Go with just the baby, and deal with leaving the other two with MIL
Accept that parenting at weddings is hard work anyway and RSVP no for an easier life

WIBU to take all of the effort out of the situation and just not attend?

I'd make the effort to go but just take the baby. Managing all 3 of them during the wedding especially the service and meal would be a bloody nightmare. Just taking the baby will be so much less stressful.

How would you get there? Just thinking if baby is late and you have a section could be difficult

Or option 4, tell your DH you should be able to go to a wedding without worrying about the kids, and can he please ask for cover to accommodate it.

Don’t take all three. Go with your baby and leave the others with MIL. You shouldn’t be denying their relationship together unless there’s serious cause for concern.

Take baby and leave other two with MIL.

Take baby. Your older kids will be fine.

Has anyone spoken to MIL about the fact she scares her infant grandchildren when she shouts? I can understand your reticence.

It would be nice for you to go, id probably mention to your family about leaving the older two with MIL and see if they say no no of course we'll help!! I'd be happy to have my niece for nephew for a wedding, but I'd probably bail after first dance / song / speeches

Why does mil shout at the older 2? Is she able to manage two toddlers at once?

Not a chance would I go. I was MoH 3 months PP and I’d have declined if I hadn’t been in the wedding (pregnant after I agreed).

8 weeks PP I wasn’t ready for a big event on my own unless completely necessary.

Did attend a funeral 2 weeks PP but it was close family and the baby was a welcome addition.

Take the baby. Stay for the service and the meal, then make your escape. The other 2 will be fine with MIL for a day. If MIL is a bit stern, so what? It won't do DS any harm.

I'd go with the baby for as long as possible. Your 2 & 3yo DC will be fine with MIL, even if she does shout. Maybe get your DH to call them through the day to remind your MIL to be calm.

Yes I think take the baby. You'll be a little preoccupied of course with feeding etc but it's a big day for an old friend and I think its the right thing to do. Its not like you'll be up dancing all night. Baby will sleep on the drive home, that's only a few hours with MIL while DH is working and kids can stay in their own home. Or get a babysitter for the day at the venue if you bring other 2. Your family might say they will help but they won't once they start chatting and having a drink and they certainly won't be skipping any of the meal to facilitate your kids. Obviously with an 8 wk old there is always a chance of last minute cancellation due to sickness but that's life too and the couple will understand.

I wouldn’t go. She isn’t a close friend and I wouldn’t be happy leaving the two toddlers with someone who shouts at them.

Depends how much you want to go.
Either decline gracefully, or just go and take the baby.

No way in the world would I try and take a 2 yr old a 3 yr old and a new baby to a wedding.

That sounds like too much hard work. I just wouldn’t go.

Are you saying your MIL shouts at a 3 and 2 yo or is she someone who doesn’t have an inside voice?

If your dh was invited could you ask a good friend/ relative to take his place as your plus one to help put with the kids?

Totally understand why you don’t wan my yo go but in years to gone I think you will be glad you were there

*want to go!

also they’re family friends so I’m assuming they would understand about the plus one/ childcare problem. Obviously I wouldn’t suggest this if it was a different kind of invitation

I would go and just take the baby.

However it sounds like your preference is to not go, which is fine. Do what's best for you.

DH is being unreasonable imo but hey ho

Thanks everyone, it’s good to hear some different perspectives. I am a bit miffed with DH for not even asking at work and I think I’ve had a kind of knee jerk reaction to that.
(For context, every time the boss goes on holiday DH is expected and to work 6 days out of 7 and I’m kind of over it now.)
I’m also remembering taking DD to a wedding at 7 weeks old and how much hard work it was!
The kids have a good relationship with MIL but they don’t spend any time really alone with her - not because of any concerns, just how life/childcare has worked out. She very much doesn’t have an indoor voice @phoenixrosehere 😂 but also has quite a short fuse. If it was that I had to work or some other non-fun thing and I had no other childcare then I would ask, but if I’m going to the wedding I want to be able to enjoy the day as much as possible without wondering how they’re getting on, if that makes sense?

Do you want to go?

I wouldn’t find it less stressful to take one child and be stressing that my other children were upset by MIL with her short fuse. I’m all in support of GPs telling my kids off if they’re misbehaving but I’m not ok with them being shouted at, especially when they’re still so little.

I would either take all 3 with the agreement that your mum and sister can help or I wouldn’t go.

It depends how much I wanted to go really, if you aren't that bothered say no and don't feel bad, but if you do then if your mum and sister are happy to help and are reliable go with all the kids (it will be hard and you will need an extra pair of hands).
Alternatively could you go in the evening by yourself and leave the kids with DH when he finishes work? Just take the baby if you need to for feeding?

Why is he even asking..because he is too cowardly to say absolutely not, my wife is 39+ weeks pregnant and it's a ridiculous idea. He wants you to do the hard part.
Do it, say no.