Once a liar always a liar?

[CherryGarcia23]

I have a credit file account with my credit file, and earlier this week a new section appeared showing 'third party accounts'. It showed a new loan account was opened in January this year.

I questioned my husband who denied ever hearing of said company. I asked if he took a loan out and he denied it to my face. He actually blamed me for it?

So I ran a credit check, and lo and behold he took a loan out for 600 in January. In addition to this he took out a couple of thousand small loans last year, one which he has defaulted on to the tune of 1800 pounds.

He has had 17 hard credit searches in the last 18 months. He earns well, and me nor the children have seen a penny of these loans he has taken out?

I'm upset, depressed almost that he lied to my face with such ease. Not the first time mind. We almost divorced last year and I forgave him and started again, but the ease he lies is disturbing.

I have 2 friends with an abusive husbands who I've been helping recently, and I never saw this coming with my husband.

I'm not quite sure where to go from here?

Edit - When I say I never saw this coming with my husband ... since we agreed to start again after last year. It was a new start apparently and I put all my trust back into our marriage.

Where you go from here is to consider whether you want a future with someone who has lied to you and denied it.

Yes, indeed. He knows I have access to his credit report as he does mine following an attempted mortgage application last year. So he must know he'd get caught lying. This leads me to believe he cares not one bit about our marriage.

It's just I feel betrayed that he lied to me. Actually couldn't give a monkeys about what he's spent thousands of pounds in loans on. It's the lie.

Wheres the money going? If he knew he would probably get caught and did it anyway, that points to addictive behaviours. Gambling?

Sorry OP but I think it is important what he has done with the money, as well as the lies of course. I agree, it might be addictive behaviour. I was married to an addict. They lie - that's what they do. You can't change them. You didn't cause it, you can't stop it.

What's the money being spent on? Drugs? Alcohol? Prostitutes? Gambling?

That would be the deciding factor for me, as well as his deceit.

I have no idea what the money went on, I will ask him when he's home. I will ask to look at his personal account.

I have a suspicion its gambling as I have had just seen I have lots of linked soft searches come up on my credit report for 888 casino, betfred William Hill. These were definitely not mine.

What a bloody mess. Why couldn't he have thought about our children.

I asked, he denied any loans, any defaults. The credit report is 100% inaccurate etc etc

I asked about gambling, and he responded with swearing "I don't f**king gamble" etc.

FML. I can't stand the lying.

So I'm facing entering my 40's alone it looks like? Well not alone, I have my lovely children 💓

It's not once a liar always a liar though is it? Because you said this isn't the first time so it isn't just once. Leopards don't tend to change their spots IMO, and if this was a pattern of behaviour before you almost divorced then the chances were that it would become a pattern of behaviour if you took him back again - he'd just cover his tracks better this time.

He's an addict in denial OP, he's even gas lighting you by trying to blame you for it when he knows full well it's him. I suggest you leave asap before he drags you down - and deeper and deeper into debt. You deserve a million times better than this.

"@takemeawayagain Yes, deep down I know he doesn't respect me enough to tell the truth. He has lied to me again. I'm so upset because I gave him his final chance and now I know our marriage is dead. That's why I'm so upset I guess.

I've spent the last couple of days preparing everything I need to. Due to childcare costs and his insidious behaviour to spend my money over previous years, things are going to be difficult. I'll be one of those women posting my escape story in years to come!!