Pregnant and father is planning to move country

[AngieR87]

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with my ex husbands baby. He's been horrible to me during this pregnancy, saying things like he was going to take baby from me etc, and has offered no support. He also claimed baby wasn't his and that i trapped him.
He's recently been in touch asking for contact once baby is born. When I say contact I think it would for something like an hour a week. He also dropped the bomb that he is planning on moving country within a year. He said he would see baby during holidays maybe once or twice a year. He is a very selfish person, but i never expected this. The only reason he is moving is he says there is nothing here for him. Emmmm your child?

Am I being unreasonable to not allow contact at all, or ever?

You have to put aside your feelings and think "what would a court say?". And regardless of his treatment of you, or your feelings towards him, if he applied for contact through the court, he would be granted it, and going through court would cost you money.

I would reply something like "Of course, I would never deprive our child from his/her relationship with you. We can make it work regardless of where you move to. I'll let you know when baby arrives, and we can make a plan from there".

Chances are, once he realises you won't fight him on this, he'll stop caring and he'll drop it, he just wants a reaction. And even if he does see the child for an hour a week or so, eventually it will most likely stop if he moves away.

I couldn't really care how he's treated me. But is it fair for him to build a relationship with a child then drop out of their life and only see them once ot twice a year. I don't see a child being comfortable with a "parent" they never see and spend time with them. I would hate the thought of my child being unsettled and uncomfortable because I've left them with a stranger

Do you have to put his name on the birth certificate?

If they’re married, yes.

I'm not entirely sure. I'm going to try not to

There are often situations where one parent is in the forces etc and can only see the child occasionally, and still the child has a right to contact with both parents, so unfortunately you have to change your feelings on this.

You can, however, put measures in place to protect your child. If your ExH really does want to see the baby while he/she is small, you can explain that you need to be present while the baby is small and getting to know him, so suggest meeting in the park first, you are there while they are introduced, then ExH takes baby for a walk for 30 mins to develop a bond, and then eventually build on this time.

I know it hurts, but a good parent needs to do everything in their power to provide access to the child (as long as the Ex is not a risk to the child). I can almost guarantee, with a useless Ex, eventually he'll stop making the effort.

But at least you can honestly tell your child "I did everything I could to ensure you had a relationship", rather than it being a case that you prevented it at every opportunity, and your child could grow to resent you.

If you’re still legally married you will have to

If you’re legally married then yes, he has to be on the birth certificate.

And beyond that, yes you would be unreasonable to deny contact because whether you like it or not, personal issues aside, he is the child’s father. You should not (and legally can’t) deprive your child of a relationship with their father.

Are you still legally married? If yes, you're screwed. If not, do not put him on the birth certificate. He will bring a world of hell. I think this is one where you say no on the basis of it beig a newborn and getting a solicitor from the start if he tries to take you to court.