Gaslighting manager

[blCkmagic]

I’m really struggling with my horrendous manager. I had a meeting with him to raise concerns about his actions and how I felt unsupported by him. He admitted signing off certain actions that impacted me significantly badly and his response was it has nothing to do with me. He was angry with me during the call, raising his voice and making childish petty remarks.

after the call, he sent me a message that was saying he’s sorry I feel unsupported by the team I manage- when i specifically said it is him I feel unsupported by. He also said he didn’t sign off on the action, it was someone he manages who apparently sees the error of their ways.

aibu to feel he can’t be trusted and to complain?

He is saying one thing to you on a call and another in writing. To ensure there is a written trail, you need to respond with the correct version of the issue that you raised. Only then can you seek to raise the issue elsewhere.

By the sounds of it though you may want to consider an internal move or a new role elsewhere. Managers like that do not change.

How do I word my message? I’m trying to avoid tit for tat

Reply to his email.
Copy and paste exactly what he has said. Underneath the points you don't agree with, type your own understanding of the situation.
Ask him to please clarify the points.
Finish by saying that you hope this will be sorted soon and ask him to set a date for a follow up meeting.
Print out a copy in case he forwards it the someone higher up after altering or deleting any of your replies in case you need to take it further.