To get a vasectomy at 31?

[willweregret]

For clarity, it's DH getting the vasectomy, but a joint decision.

We have 2 young children. Both have had health issues and I had terrible PND after the second. I love them dearly but I don't want to, and don't think I could go through any of it again. I also think I owe it to my existing children to keep myself 'well' and putting myself back at risk of PND isn't in their best interests.

We also couldn't afford a third child. We're stretched at two.

No other contraception options seem suitable. I had long acting contraception for over 10 years and really strongly just don't want to anymore, just want to let me body do its natural thing. Condoms just don't work for us and I've need the morning after pill a few times in the last year due to failures! I'm rubbish with remembering pills so as well as not wanting to take the pill, I don't think it would be trusted/reliable.

But more importantly, we just feel like we are done. And even if we did change our mind and feel like we want more, it would probably be an emotional/hormonal decision rather than an actual good idea.

But when mentioning to nearest and dearest they are absolutely flabbergasted that DH is intentionally making himself infertile at 31! 'What if we change our mind?!'.

For clarity, DH is absolutely certain on his decision. He has struggled enormously through the baby years with both the babies, supporting me, and providing the income.

AIBU to say that despite our age, a vasectomy is a sensible decision? Surely we can't be the first or the youngest?

If your DH is certain then surely that's all that matters

For clarity, DH is absolutely certain on his decision

That’s all that matters. I don’t see why it needs to be broadcasted to people unless he wanted to inform them himself? It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks, I don’t see how there is an AIBU here

It’s a personal decision, good for him. He could “bank” some samples?? However that means monthly fees.

But when mentioning to nearest and dearest

Why would you tell other people? It's no one else's business!

This is what happens when you make private decisions public knowledge - everyone thinks they're entitled to share their opinion on it.

Why are you opening up the discussion to others?

If you’re done having kids, it’s the sensible option. Imo it’s what decent men do to take away the stress of a potential unwanted pregnancy. Most women have shouldered the responsibility with hormonal contraception for years, good men step up and get it done.

My DH had a vasectomy 3 years ago, also aged 31. We have four-year old twins, and I love them dearly but for various reasons I definitely wouldn't cope with any more children! I'm so glad we made that decision. I was holding a cute baby yesterday and felt a bit broody. It was actually really nice to know that I simply can't be tempted anymore! I know that more children would be a big mistake for us, so it's helpful to just have the option taken off the table.

We didn't discuss it with anyone else before he had it done though. It would really annoy me to have people giving their opinion on it!

Very sensible decision

DH had his before he was 30! One of the best decisions we've ever made in our marriage. If you're both sure you don't want more children then it's the perfect solution and one more men should have the balls to make!

Totally reasonable op.

But I think you'll have a battle to get it done. My dp struggled at 40 having had 4dc and testicular cancer (only one ball and huge chemo but it only takes one decent sperm...).

Why are you discussing this private issue with other people?

Why on earth are you mentioning stuff like this to nearest and dearest? Dh is booked In for his and not another soul knows.

DH had one at 32, it probably took 8 months from initial conversation with GP to having it done. Absolutely no regrets and made good sense given we knew we didn’t want more DC.

Why do you need to even tell anyone? It’s no one’s business

This. You do not need everyone’s agreement

My husband had one just over a year ago when he was 31. Sometimes I feel sad but we have 2 healthy children at primary school age and financially it would have been silly to bring more children into our family.

His referral was actually really quick and he doesn't regret it at all. He was absolutely certain about his decision so I guess that's what made it easy for him. It's his body and you've discussed it together so everyone else should just stay quiet.

I'm rubbish with remembering pills so as well as not wanting to take the pill, I don't think it would be trusted/reliable.
Quick question, if you relied on a daily pill to save your life, would you remember to take that? Of course you would.
It's a crapreason for not taking the pill. However, if you cannot rely upon yourself to prevent another pregnancy, but your DH is willing to take responsibility, then go for it and tell your family to butt out

Sounds perfectly sensible to me. Also not sure why you are telling anyone else. Admittedly my parents did know when DH had his last week but that's only because the appointment time meant they had to be here to take DC to school while I took him to the hospital.

Nobody else was involved in the decision.

My partner had one 5 years ago. We both have a kid of our own.
Best thing we did, sex is a lot more relaxed!

It's sensible when you know you've completed your family. DH has had one although he's decade older. And it's better for your dc in the long term if your DH can't have a new family if you ever split up.

Sounds like a sensible decision. I am more flabbergasted you told people - what a weird conversation to be having with people.

If you tell people things like this they think it’s open for discussion. If your husband is certain then go for it.

My DH is too, all booked in after birth of second.

He is adamant he wants no more. I have problems with contraception, tried them all.

I was on the fence, but realistically i know it wouldn't be wise to have anymore and we would be unnecessarily stretching/pushing ourselves mentally, emotionally and financially. I had a lot of complications so its a risk in that regard too.

I support his decision as i couldn't have another if he is so vehemently opposed.

When he mentioned it to a friend they were horrified why i couldn't be "done" or at least be "done" aswell in sympathy 😂😂 i have never heard of men being expected to use sympathy contraception or forced into an invasive op they aren't keen on to please another person. (The friend description btw 😂😂)

Sorry getting distracted haha. He is early 30's too.

Thanks for responses.

I don't think it's that weird to discuss with parents and my best friend, but each to their own. That wasn't the AIBU anyway, was asking if mumsnetters thought it sounded stupid.

AIBU to say that despite our age, a vasectomy is a sensible decision? Surely we can't be the first or the youngest?

The only bit that's unreasonable about that is the "despite our age" part; as far as I'm concerned, deciding the age at which you don't want to be dealing with dependents is an essential part of planning for mid-life and onwards.

If, like us, you want to be able to spend the later parts of your working life freed from the constant grind of managing your kids' schedules...actively taking action to prevent accidental pregnancies is absolutely the most sensible thing you can do...no "despite" about it.