Mother turned down my Mother’s Day invite

[Yummum18]

I have taken my mother out for Mother’s Day every Mother’s Day for the past 8 years. The one year I didn’t she didn’t do anything despite have 5 other children. I felt so guilty that after that every year I made sure I included her in my plans as my siblings never saw her Mother’s Day.
this year I invited her as normal but she told me that it was too late a meal for her and she’d be too tired. I was taken aback but accepted it as she has been under the weather lately. I then found out 3 days later that she had happily agreed to a mid week dinner a half hour later meal time then the one I booked with my sibling. I was really hurt that she turned me down saying it was too late but said yes to my sibling at a meal that was half hour later then my one. I just feel hurt and upset. Am I right to feel this way or shall I just drop it.

all I can think is my sister rarely sees her so my mum would never say no to her whereas I try to regularly ring/text and see her so maybe easier to say no to me ??

Why don[’t you ask her? Maybe she has something else happening on the day you asked her out or she has something early the following day?

I don’t like conflict :-/

Could it be that two late evenings in a week is too much and she'd already said yes to the other?

Take her out for lunch instead
See if there's an excuse then ask what's up

My invite was first!

I think it's more likely that if your sister doesn't often see your mum, she felt she needed to grab whatever window your sister offered her. Whereas because she sees you more, she can be honest with you about how she really feels about late nights. And as PP said, it may be that two late nights is too much but she can manage one.

I'd just ask her if she'd like to have morning or afternoon tea on Mother's Day or the day before instead.

She's said no, just leave it and make plans to please yourself.

For your own sake just let it drop.
You made the offer, she declined, you said you don’t like conflict, why would you bring this up?!

The sister is a bit of a novelty. Your mum was probably worried if she declined then your sister would never ask her again.

Be happy that your mum feels secure in your affections.

Maybe she doesn't want to go out to eat on Mother's Day? Not everyone does. My experience is that lots of places are busy and noisy, it's not my choice and I would avoid it like the plague. Mid week is quieter.

First of all you're feelings are always valid ❤️so please never feel like you need to question if you're right to feel the way you do
For what it's worth I would also feel hurt.

I suspect there probably is an element of grabbing whatever opportunity there is to see your sibling since it happens less often. But even that in itself I find hurtful (my mother does the exact same). It stings to think you're the one around all the time making so much effort then somehow it works out that you're the. less important/they make less effort for you!
I personally would bring it up, even if just to gently ask a couple questions to either open up a discussion or to even just give you a little more insight into the situation. But you may prefer not to if you hate conflict in which case you would be best to try and forget about it and move on.
You could maybe bring it up in the context of saying can I just double check did you just not fancy Sunday at all or would there be another time/activity you would prefer? Because I would be happy to do lunch? I just wasn't sure what the situation was as (sibling name) mentioned they will be seeing you for an evening meal and was a little confused x

Most people don’t like conflict. It doesn’t have to be a confrontational conversation!

Midweek restaurant I assume will be much quieter/less crowded than an slightly earlier Mother Day Meal in a packed restaurant. I don't think it is a slight to you. Maybe the crowds and noise make your Mom feel uncomfortable.

I think it stings and I would feel the same tbh. Maybe see if she is free the following weekend. It's a shame you all 3 can't go together. Maybe another time

I think I'd have to ask. It would be on my mind otherwise. It doesn't have to be a conflict but I think it's a fair question to have.

It's often the way that the sibling who makes the least effort becomes the one who is prioritised and the one who is present consistently, is the one who ends up being taken for granted a bit.
Probably your mum feels more secure with you but also misses her other children.

It is probably that she sees your sister less. If you have taken her out every year and you have five siblings maybe leave it to them this year.

You have a right to feel hurt but personally it would not worry me if you generally have a good relationship with her. Is this actually on Mothers Day as you say your sibling asked her out midweek?

She’s doing that thing where she grabs the chance to see the novelty person

in future I’d say “if you can change your habits for one of us…”

I had to pull back from my mum significantly to get this kind of consideration.

I think because she sees your sibling less, she agreed.

Hang on, you've see her every year (bar one) for the last 8 years for Mother's Day, and you have 5 siblings? Maybe she just wants to spend this one with one of her other children for a change! Don't take it personally, but you have monopolised it for almost a decade, it's someone else's turn now 😊

all I can think is my sister rarely sees her so my mum would never say no to her whereas I try to regularly ring/text and see her so maybe easier to say no to me

Yes, I think it’s exactly that. I feel sorry for her. There’s something rather sad about a mum who is fed such scraps by their child (your sister) and has to grab onto them with a show of gratitude lest they never be offered again.

Ah op maybe she doesn't like the busyness on actual Mother's Day.

To be fair most restaurants can tend to feel like your shoved in and out and it can be loud.

Maybe rather than hurt your feelings and say she doesn't enjoy it she made an excuse.

You could maybe ask if she would like to do something in the week the week after?

We don't do Mother's Day out on Mother's Day purely because it's always so packed everywhere

More likely because your sister never invites her my mum is the same drops everything if my brother invites her as she never sees him or get invites from him.

You've had a run of 8 Mother's Days.

You have no idea why siblings didn't invite (or your DMum turned down their invitations) in those years.

This year she's chosen to accept an invitation from one of her other DC. That's entirely OK.

It does sound as if she made clumsy attempts at a face-saving excuse, rather than coming out with "I'm expecting X to ask and that's where I'd rather go this year". And I think it would be wrong to read more in to that.

Just see her on a different day (ring, message or send something on the Sunday)

And, talking of Sundays, it was originally Mothering Sunday, when workers who lived away went back to their home parish (Mother Church). Perhaps you could also make a trip to somewhere special too you? It doesn't have to be literal first place of worship (if you have one at all) or childhood home; I was thinking of somewhere that you feel rooted and find nurturing

I do think it's a little unfair to say OP has monopolised her mum - in the absence of invitations from her siblings, OP has stepped up to ensure her mum isn't alone. I can see why she's hurt at being given a poor excuse. It would make me feel taken for granted and unappreciated. I think the mum has not handled this well .

You're not unreasonable to feel hurt.

However, as you mentioned you have 5 other siblings, they haven't had a look in for Mother's Day for the past 8 yrs. Perhaps for those years they didn't do anything with their mother because you were already doing something.

This year, one of them is stepping up. It's their turn.